the Chronicles of a Unique Connection
by ggfan78
Summary: What started as a day in the life of Derek and Penelope has evolved into... I don't even know how to summarise, you're just going to have to read it for yourself!
1. A typical Friday Night

_**I've been really disappointed lately of the lack of interaction between Penelope and Derek on the show. It's like they've lost their unique connection and this is my way of holding on to that tightly! I also thought you guys deserved a fun story without so much angst, as I am up to my eyeballs in angst with my other two stories.**_

"Hey P, are you ready?" he asked leaning against the door of her bunker. Penelope looked up from her screen and smiled up at him.  
"Hey Cupcake, I have a few more things I need to do that just came in. I'm sorry, but you don't have to wait."  
"I don't mind, take your time." He said pulling a book out of his back pocket before throwing himself on her couch. Penelope smiled and turned back to her tasks on hand. Her car was in the shop and he was her self proclaimed designated car pool partner.  
"I spoke to Mom today and she said to say hello," Derek remembered,  
"Oh how is she? That reminds me her package arrived today. I have to call and say thank you when I get home. I meant to call her right after it came but the madness hasn't stopped" Derek chuckled  
"Yours too?" Fran Morgan sent her son a care package regularly, usually with home baked goods that he loved. Every so often Fran sent Penelope her own care package. Fran knew that Penelope was Derek's life line, and that she looked after her Derek, for that she was grateful. Fran and Penelope had hit it off immediately after meeting one another years before, and the two shared a great respect for the other.  
"Do you have plans for dinner?" she asked never one to assume  
"No, I was thinking Pizza at yours and maybe a movie?"  
"Sounds good. I'm done here, so if we order we can just pick it up on the way home."  
"On it," he replied flipping his phone open to make the call.

"I'm just going to get changed." Derek nodded as he placed the Pizza on the coffee table and grabbed drinks and napkins from the kitchen. When Penelope emerged from her room, she wasn't surprised to find that Derek had changed into his sweats too, which usually meant he was taking the couch for the night. Penelope had cleared a shelf for him in the hallway closet for his clothes, and he kept a set of toiletries in her bathroom for such occasions. It was such a norm that there was never a discussion about it. Emily and JJ too owned their own shelves in her hallway closet, and vice versa. Penelope picked up her phone as she plonked herself on the couch beside him.  
"You mind?" she asked apologetically. Derek shook his head knowing it was his mother she was calling.  
"Hey Fran, it's Pen."  
"How are you my Darling?" Derek grinned as he heard his mother.  
"I'm well thank you Fran. I just wanted to call to say thank you for my care package. It totally made my week."  
"I'm glad honey. I figure you could use your own so you wouldn't have to share with Derek."  
"I'll tell him that."  
"MOM!!!" Derek protested, while Fran laughed not at all surprised that her son was once again at Penelope's. Penelope and Fran chatted for a little while longer catching up on a few things before they hung up. Derek rose from the couch to scour through her DVD collection, though she wondered why as he always always always picked the same movie.  
"Now there's a surprise." She teased as the opening credits to Bad Boys blared through her surround sound.  
"You love this movie just as much as I do so don't even." He threw back,  
"I didn't say I protest or didn't like it, I merely pointed out the obvious… that you my beloved friend are predictable."  
"Would you like me to dig out Em's copy of Grease,"  
"Hey, we all have our little quirks, you leave Em's alone." She defended her friend as he grinned.

Derek was half asleep when his phone began to buzz. Penelope nudged him gently  
"Dirk, your phone." In addition to their many terms of endearment, she had long since christened him Dirk as a payback for Gomez.  
"You have my permission to answer it P," he mumbled sleepily  
"Nuh uh, it's one of your booty calls." Penelope said placing the phone in his hand as a girl's name flashed incessantly on the screen. Penelope watched Derek's eyes fly open and giggled rolling her eyes before getting up to get a drink from her kitchen.  
"Hello, oh hey Sandy. Tonight? Sorry, I've already made plans. Thank you anyway, sure I'll call you." He said not entirely paying much attention as he hung up.  
"You could have gone Derek. It's still early." She said as Derek threw her a look,  
"What? I'm just saying you can if you wanted to."  
"If I wanted to I would have. Now plonk your butt back down here." Doing as she was told Penelope sat back down on the couch beside him. Derek shifted so that his head was on her lap. Habitually, Penelope traced patterns on his head absently watching the rest of the movie. Not long after Derek Morgan was fast asleep, and by the depth of his breathing, he was down for the night. Easing herself off the couch took some effort as Derek had a firm grasp on her legs as his arms hugged her knees to his face as though it were a pillow.  
"Sheesh Morgan, make it difficult why don't you." She muttered as she finally slipped out of his firm hold. She took the blanket that was draped on the back of the couch and covered him with it. She placed a quick kiss on his head before retiring to her own room.


	2. There when you need me

"Pen,"  
"Yeah Em, what's up honey thought you guys are done for the day. Something come up?" She asked sitting back down on her chair. She had considered going home for the evening. It was a brief yet fleeting thought, though she hardly ever went home when they were out on a case anyway so it didn't really matter. That and it was past midnight and what would really be the point.  
"Have you spoken to Morgan today?"  
"Briefly, he called to say that you guys were headed back to the hotel about an hour ago. He couldn't talk properly because he was in the car with Hotch and Rossi why?" her concern peaked.  
"Pen, I think this case has hit him hard." Emily said quietly. She had anticipated and feared it would. They all hated child related cases, it haunted them in different ways, but this would be the first case they would tackle involving sex crimes against children since his return from Chicago a few months back. If there was someone who's existence Penelope wanted to erase it was Carl Buford for what he did to her best friend. Penelope looked at the time and made the necessary calculations,  
"Thanks for letting me know Em."  
"I didn't want to worry you, but he would never let any of us help him and I don't want him to drown in this. Hotch is watching him like a hawk because he's worried, but I just, I want him to be of sound mind at all times, you know. I'm not making sense."  
"You are hon, I know you're worried, and it means a lot to him that you watch his back like you do. You're an awesome friend Emily Prentiss."  
"Spoken like a true best friend Pen, I love you too."  
"Night hon, I'll talk to you later."

Derek tried to pull himself together but the specifics of the case were too close to home, too familiar. Every time he closed his eyes, memories plagued him. He was trying to keep it together knowing that they were all worried about him. The harder he tried to keep it together the more out of control he felt. It had been a long and tiring day but despite his exhaustion he knew he wasn't going to get any sleep that night. Lost in his thoughts he didn't hear the knock on the door till it became louder, not bothering to look through the hole to see who it was, he was surprised, relieved and grateful to see one Penelope Garcia standing before him. Without hesitation she walked in and closed the door behind her before standing in front of him wrapping her arms around his neck. It took all of two seconds for Derek to realise that she wasn't a figment of his imagination. Penelope felt his arms tighten around her pulling her to him as close as physically possible as he buried his face in her blonde curls breathing her in as he closed his eyes. It always amazed him what kind of healing powers her mere presence had on him.

When he had come home from Chicago, it was Penelope who greeted him at his apartment ready to nurture him back to the Derek she knew and loved instead of the broken Derek that had gotten off the plane. She didn't ask him any questions, she was just there. She sat with him in silence holding his hand, and when the nightmares came she held him in her arms. When he had finally spoken and told her about what happened, she had lovingly encouraged him to see someone about it. That by not seeking help, Buford continues to make him a victim and that he wasn't a victim. He was Derek Morgan, one of her favourite superheroes.

"Every time I close my eyes Pen, it's me all over again." Penelope held his face with both hands and locked his gaze,  
"I know Baby, and that's only natural. It's only been a few months sugar, you can't expect not to feel anything, and you're Derek Morgan because you do feel and you do care. Carl Buford was an evil man for what he did, and I sincerely wish I could just wipe him out, but Buford didn't destroy you Morgan. What he did was unforgivable, but in you he birthed a mighty man of valour. Despite what he did to you, you chose to fight for good and not use your circumstances as an excuse to do equally evil things. You and I have both been in this job long enough to know, you could have gone either way, but that's not who you are, your Mom, Dad and sisters loved you so much that there was enough love in you to fight the evil that plagued you and made you determined to be the guy who put guys like Buford away. Don't you see, nightmares will come, but what you need to remember is that you're not fifteen anymore and the Carl Buford's cannot hurt you." Derek brought his forehead to hers and sighed.  
"Besides, anyone tries to hurt you, they have to come through me first. I may be short but I have special super powers too." She added earning a genuine smile from Derek Morgan.  
"That's the smile I know and love." She said caressing his cheek before hugging him again.  
"Thanks P."  
"Sure, what are friends for right? Do you want to try and see if you can catch a few hours of sleep. You need to be in form tomorrow Baby, you guys have a big day." Derek hesitated.

Penelope took her hand in his and led him to the bed. She lay down as he lay behind her gathering her in his arms. It wasn't long before he fell into a deep sleep. Being a light sleeper she could tell when his nightmares threatened him and she would whisper lovingly into his ear and within seconds he would settle as she chased his demons away. Before dawn broke Penelope untangled herself from his arms and placed her pillow in her place so that he could still smell her. She hoped he would sleep for another few hours. Quietly she slipped out of his room and got into her car to drive an hour back to Quantico ready for another day.

Penelope stopped home only to shower and change before heading back into the office, heavy duty caffeine on hand. She knew she had a couple of hours before the team would be calling so she took the opportunity to lock the door in her office to take a nap on her couch. Derek woke up at eight thirty. They were meeting in the lobby at nine, so he had plenty of time to get ready. He smiled as he noticed that he was hugging a pillow that suspiciously smelled like Penelope instead of Penelope herself. Thanks to Penelope he clocked in seven and a half hours sleep, which he hasn't had since they started the case a week before. While he was brushing his teeth he saw the note she left on the mirror,

"Hey Handsome, you know there are other ways to lure me to bed.

I figured that would bring a smile to your face.

Hope you got some decent sleep stored in you.

If you need me you know where I am.

Infinite hugs and kisses, from the one and only Goddess all knowing."

Emily noticed the difference in Morgan, in fact they all did. He seemed rested and ready for the day ahead. As they cued for breakfast his lips met her temple  
"Thanks,"  
"For what?" she asked innocently.  
"You know what for." He answered as he walked away to grab their coffee.  
"By golly that woman's super special powers never fails to astound me." Emily muttered to herself, making a mental note to call Garcia later to ask exactly what it was she did for Morgan. Though she doubted she'd tell her, it was always fun to try.

They broke the case that afternoon, and it was Hotch who called Garcia to tell her while the others wrapped things up at the precinct.  
"That's great Boss Man, good to hear it."  
"Penelope, thank you."  
"It's all a part of my job sir,"  
"No, I mean thank you."  
"Oh," she said realising to what he was referring to.  
"How did you, never mind. It's nothing any of you guys wouldn't have done for him."  
"You may be the Goddess of all knowing Penelope, but you forget, I see everything."  
"That's a little frightening," she teased.  
"Seriously, no one could have brought him around as quickly as you did. He's lucky to have you."  
"Thank you sir, and Hotch…"  
"Yeah Garcia,"  
"You know I would do it for any of you right?" he was silent for a moment, and she could feel a smile broke through their tough exteriored chief,  
"I do, and thank you."

They were all a little surprised that Penelope wasn't in the bullpen when they arrived so they all went in search of her and found her in her bunker. Derek put his finger to his lips and pointed at a sleeping Garcia clutching tightly to her Beanie Hefty Smurf.  
"Take her home Morgan." Hotch ordered before turning to head back to his office.  
"Will do. Em, can you grab her bag?" Em nodded walking over to her desk to get it while Derek placed an arm on her back and another beneath her legs, Penelope stirred not waking up. She rubbed her face on Morgan's shirt and mumbled something incoherent. Derek just chuckled as he carefully placed her in the front seat of his SUV and strapped her in. Em placed her bag and jacket by her seat before bidding Derek farewell.

Penelope awoke the next morning feeling disoriented and confused as she was tucked snug into her bed when she didn't remember making her way home. When she felt an arm around her stomach she realised how she had gotten home. She slipped out of the bed carefully and took a shower. She was meeting the girls for brunch and in a couple of hours and there were a couple of things she still needed to do. When Derek awoke he found her on the couch dressed for the day reading a book.

"Good morning Princess,"  
"I keep telling you Hot stuff, one of these days I will show you a good morning." She replied briefly looking up to grin at him.  
"Your words are cheap Pen."  
"I resent that." She said throwing a pillow in his direction.  
"Thanks for taking me home last night."  
"All in a day's work M'lady."  
"Good to know. What are your plans for today?"  
"Basketball with Hotch, Rossi, Reid and Gideon."  
"Funny, no matter how long you guys have been doing that. I just can't wrap my head around Jason Gideon playing basketball, I mean it's hard enough to imagine Reid subjecting himself to the tortute almost on the weekly basis."  
"You girls doing your girl thing?"  
"By that you mean, hanging out at the mall shopping, getting facials, mani and pedi then yeah, we're doing our girl thing."  
"You guys should come and watch us play, it's been awhile since you've had a good laugh right?"  
"That is true. I'll run it past the girls, which reminds me, I should go. I'm picking them up."  
"Ugh Pen, you're going to need to take my car. We left Esther at the BAU last night."  
"But that leaves you without a car, I can always get Em to come and get me."  
"Hotch was picking us up anyway so I don't need the car."  
"You sure?"  
"Yes, now go, I do not want to encounter the wrath of those two for making you late for your girly thing." Penelope smirked and dropped a kiss on his cheek as he held up his car keys.  
"I love how you're all tough guy on the exterior but so afraid of JJ and Em."  
"Hey, I have grounds." He protested,  
"Need I remind you of the latest incident where I made you late and they were hungry?"  
"Point taken, call you later and we can work out how to get your car back to you."  
"Cool, if your girly thing doesn't stretch to the night, movie night here with the team?" he suggested.  
"Only if you promise you boys will shower before then."  
"I resent that P. But will do. Don't worry about getting the stuff ready, I'll do that. We can do burgers and hot dogs."  
"Sounds good. Bye Dirk!" she called out with a wave as she headed out the door.


	3. Happy Birthday Baby Girl

"No, I'm sorry Sandy but it's not up for discussion, she's my best friend and it's her birthday, I will make NOT an appearance and bail." Penelope cringed as she walked in on their conversation. She quietly let herself out of his apartment and walked back towards her car to wait a few minutes. A part of her felt a little bad that he was blowing off his interim girlfriend for her birthday celebrations and another part of her wanted to hug him for prioritising her. She was leaning against her car lost in her thoughts when he came down.  
"Hey, why didn't you come in?" he asked as he approached.  
"Was about to, just moving really slowly." She answered smiling.  
"Happy Birthday Baby Girl." He greeted her with fierce hug, lifting her off the ground,  
"Thanks Handsome."  
"Shall we?" he suggested opening the passenger door to his SUV.  
"We shall."

Penelope had been spoiled the whole day. She had been woken at midnight by Morgan who let himself into her apartment. He found her sound asleep buried underneath her doona snug and content.

"Hey Baby Girl, Happy Birthday." Penelope stirred confused,  
"Hmmm, thank you." Derek pulled out a cupcake lit by one candle.  
"Oh Dirk,"  
"Make a wish Baby Girl." Penelope closed her eyes and grinned before opening her eyes and blowing out her candle. She leaned to kiss his cheek,  
"Thanks Sweet cheeks."  
"No problem. Now go back to sleep. I'll leave this for you in the fridge. Night P." he said brushing his lips against her forehead as she snuggled back down into her covers.

Penelope awoke to a fresh pot of coffee, and by the time she got out of the shower dressed Derek was waiting for her on her couch reading the paper with coffee in one hand.

"You ready, I am your chariot for today."  
"You don't have to be," she protested,  
"I want to, let's go. I have direct orders to get you to your girly breakfast by seven or they'll hurt me."  
"I'll protect you handsome." She assured him as he gently led her out the door his hands on her shoulders.  
"You do know that you're bigger than them, you can take them down if you wanted." She teased.  
"Now what's the fun in that?"

"Okay ladies, I have safely delivered one birthday girl as requested. Now enjoy your breakfast and I will see you back in the office," she said dropping a kiss on each of their heads.  
"You're not joining us?" Penelope asked,  
"Errr no. This is clearly a girl thing, but tonight we are all going to par-tay." He answered with a wave as he exited the restaurant.  
"Happy Birthday Pen," JJ and Emily chorused surrounding her in group hug.  
"Aww thanks you guys."

When Penelope entered her lair she was taken aback by the balloons and decorations that filled almost every inch of her tiny office. There were birthday signs and streamers hanging every where. She smiled, she could recognise Reid's haphazard scrawl on a few of the signs. There was a bouquet of flowers sitting on the corner of her desk, away from anything that it may damage should the vase be knocked over. By looking at the selection of flowers in the bouquet she didn't need to read the card to know who it was from. Tulips, Iris and different coloured Gerbers, her favourite flowers, it could only be from Derek.

"Happy Birthday P. May you have the most amazing day! May you be spoiled and be showered with so much love on your special day. Thank you for who you are in my life. Love you, always D."

Penelope was in the middle of cross referencing when a knock interrupted her concentration,  
"Surely there's an Occupational Health and Safety breach in here." He teased pointing at the streamers and balloons that covered her office. Penelope laughed,  
"Don't look at me, I walked in and it was like this."  
"Happy Birthday Penelope,"  
"Thank you Sir,"  
"Seeing as it's your birthday you can call me Hotch." He said with a chuckle.  
"Thank you Hotch,"  
"Jack knew it was your birthday and wanted me to give you this from him," he said handing her a package that was obviously wrapped by a four year old, though he suspected it was more than likely Aaron's handy work.  
"Aww, how is my little Jacker?"  
"Asking when he can come back to the office so he can stay with Aunt Penny in her office."  
"Be still my heart, I do have a biased adoration for your son."  
"That's okay, the feeling is mutual."  
"May I?" she asked while Hotch nodded.  
"Aww, it's perfect. I love it." Pen said as she saw a drawing that Jack had drawn of their whole team, and to the side she could clearly make out which one she is as she was the one holding little Jack Hotchner's hand. He had written Happy Birthday Aunt Penny, Love Jack at the bottom. Penelope looked up at Hotch,  
"When did you find time to hand carve me a frame for my picture?" she asked recognising the handy work. It was intricate and he had carved little flowers on the bottom right hand corner and her name scripted on the top middle of the wooden frame. Aaron shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. Penelope rose from her chair to place a kiss on his cheek,  
"Thanks Aaron." Aaron nodded and brought his lips to her temple.  
"You're welcome Penelope. I'll see you at lunch."  
"Please let me know when you have Jack next, I want to call and thank him myself."  
"I can do a better one for you. Hayley has an errand so she's dropping him off so he can join us for lunch."  
"That's great. I'm looking forward to seeing my little prince."

While they gathered around Derek's desk waiting for everyone to come to lunch for Penelope's birthday, little Jack Hotchner blew in like a tornado.  
"AUNT PENNY!!!" he shrieked with excitement breaking free from his mother's grasp and running straight into Penelope's arms.  
"Hey Jackers! Hi Hayley,"  
"Hey Pen, Happy Birthday."

"Thanks,"  
"Did you like my present Aunt P?" the four year old who's arms were wrapped around her neck as she carried him asked smiling,  
"Are you kidding, I love it. It's like the best present ever." She answered. Hayley chatted with the rest of the gang. Though things had not worked out with her and Hotch, they remained on good terms.

Lunch turned out to be a two hour affair as they enjoyed a long and leisurely meal together. She and Derek were doing dinner on their own and meeting the rest of them for drinks and a little dancing at their favourite bar.

As hard as she tried not to, a part of her felt bad for monopolizing him from his current lady friend.  
"Hey P, you okay?" he asked as he handed her the menu.  
"Yeah, of course." She replied with a smile.  
"You sure?"  
"Yep. I am. Now what looks good?"  
"How much did you hear?" he asked suspecting she hard heard his conversation with Sandy.  
"The end. I just felt bad that you blew her off for me."  
"You're my best friend P, you come first. Always." He said in a no nonsense tone of voice.  
"Thanks D, I appreciate that." She replied.  
"Yeah yeah, now order."

After a lovely dinner together they met up with the others at the bar when Derek immediately led her and the other two ladies to the dance floor. Penelope had a blast hanging with her closest friends, her family in the truest essence of the word.


	4. Mother's Day Blues

Her eyes opened unwillingly, she tried to shut them in hope to sleep the day off, but there was no convincing her mind to fall back asleep. She sighed as she looked up at the photo frame by her bedside. It was a photo of her at two years old standing on the porch railing with her arms around her mother's neck as her mother's arms wrapped themselves protectively around her. It was one of her favourite photos.

"Happy Mother's Day Mom" she said tearfully as she reached out to touch the frame with her fingers. Tears began to roll involuntarily down her cheeks. Despite how many years go by, there are a few days in the year when she felt that it was only yesterday that she had lost her mother.

She imagined that the rest of her friend's/colleagues would be spending the day with their respective maternal figures. She knew Derek had flown to Chicago on Friday to visit with his Mom, and though he had invited her, she refused. It didn't feel right to be spending the day with someone else's mother so she told Derek what she told them every year, that she already had plans. It was very rare for her to have dark days, they came few and far between in the year, and each of them was related to her mother. For the most part she got away with no one knowing about them, as she always made sure she wasn't in the office for those days, as Derek, Emily and JJ could read her well and would know in a heartbeat that something was off.

"Has anyone heard from her at all this weekend?" Derek asked as he conference called to Emily, JJ and Reid.

"Nope," they chorused. The four of them had been discussing Penelope's hibernation mode when it near Mother related occasion. Through the last couple of years, as they have gotten to know how to read her better, it had become more prominent regardless how quick she was to brush it off. Derek thought that by inviting her to Chicago with him, she at least would not be alone. Even when the invitation had come from his mother, she apologetically declined,

"Do we know what it is she does?"

"Knowing Pen, sleep, the insomniac induces sleep as a coping mechanism." Emily answered. Emily had discovered the anniversary of Penelope's mother's death by accident when they came home from a case and she didn't realise that Pen had requested for time off on the same days every year. She had let herself in with her key worriedly when Pen didn't answer her phone calls or the door. She found Pen dead asleep in her bed, all the blinds closed and curtains drawn. When Penelope awoke that evening to find a worried Em on her couch, she had explained the significance of the day and that somehow her body manages to shut down on specific days of the year. Emily filed it in her mind for future days, ever since then she had figured out which dates were Mom related by her friend's behaviour.

"When are you all getting back from your celebrations?" Derek asked.

"After lunch," was the consensus.

"Me too, what do you guys say we met at Pen's at 2? We can take her to her Mom's grave if she's up for it and maybe hang at hers for dinner?"

"Sounds good Morgan, that's a great idea. See you this afternoon."

Penelope who had finally showered and dressed in her favourite pair of jeans, paint splattered and holes to match, a t-shirt and one of Morgan's hooded jumpers that she had long since claimed as hers, sat on her couch trying to determine what she felt like watching when her thought process was interrupted by a knock on her door. As she peaked from her peep hole she chuckled to see Derek, Emily, JJ and Reid standing outside her door with what looked like the largest Pizza known to man.

"What are you insane people doing here?" she asked, though she could guess.

"What? We just thought we'd come over, hang, watch a couple of movies. Are you going to turn away friends baring Pizza and DVD's?" Derek said as he held up the pizza and Em held up the DVD's.

"Would I do that? Come on in." she said ushering them in smiling. Derek pulled her into his arms,

"You know you don't have to go through these things alone? This is what friends are for?" he murmured into her shoulder.

"I know, I've just done this on my own for so long that it's second nature. You guys didn't have to cut your plans short with your family on my account." She replied softly.

"Hush, we are with family." JJ said as she passed them on her way to the couch. Penelope laughed.

"Point taken."


	5. i liked her p

"Derek, it's two in the morning. What are you doing here?" Penelope asked as she came out of her bedroom. She had heard his keys as he let himself in. Derek sat down sullenly on her couch.  
"Baby what's wrong?"  
"She dumped me P. She dumped me."  
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry." Penelope said walking over to him on the couch wrapping her arms around his shoulders, resting her head against his cheek.

He met Hannah at a random get together at one of their colleagues birthday do's at the bar. She was a friend of a friends, and from the get go, Derek was smitten with her. Penelope had to admit they made a good match and was quite supportive of their relationship. Admittedly there were days when she sulked about her singleness but only to the girls and not seriously enough for them to be concerned.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she offered.  
"Well she's the first."  
"First what Dirk?"  
"First one to dump me."  
"Well you are pretty intimidating, I can see how some girls may feel threatened and think it's too hard competing with all the eyes that follow you."  
"You're not intimidated, and you don't feel threatened." He countered.  
"Dirk, I'm your best friend. I love you, it's different. Besides, who says those girls don't intimidate me."  
"I really liked her P." he confessed.  
"I know you did Hon, but maybe she just wasn't the one for you. Your time will come, I promise, there is some girl out there worthy of you."  
"Thanks P."  
"That's what friend's are for Dirk." She said dropping a kiss on his head.


	6. Knowing when to slap you in the head

"What is wrong with you?" she asked her patience beginning to wear thin. He had been in a mood for weeks, and though she could sympathise that it was post break up blues, she had reached the end of her patience. For the last couple of weeks, on more than one occasion Emily or Reid would seek refuge in her office, from the misdirected wrath of one Derek Morgan.  
"Nothing's wrong with me." He grumbled stubbornly crossing his arms defiantly. Penelope saw Reid and Emily drop their gaze back to their files. A young intern had walked up to them as they were gathered around talking about their last case, and Derek had glared at the young intern for approaching them in mid conversation. Needless to say the young intern scurried away before she could even say what she came to say.  
"You've just frightened away a young intern who probably had something important to say." Derek shrugged making his way back to his chair when Penelope pulled him by the arm,  
"P!!" he growled.  
"You don't scare me Derek Morgan so don't you even try it. You, conference room with me NOW." She growled back in response shoving him towards the conference as forcefully as her small frame could manage.  
"What's your problem?" he yelled turning around as they made it into the conference room. Penelope almost jumped at the tone of his voice, instead she remained calm and shut the door behind them.  
"Look, I know you've had a rough few weeks, with the whole breaking up thing, and I am sorry you're feeling sad, but Derek you can't keep going this way. You can't keep pushing your friends away, biting all of our heads off, scaring away young interns. This isn't you, and I refuse to allow you to keep acting this way. I know you're hurt, and I am sorry she hurt you, but your life does not start and end with some girl who didn't know what she had. You're an amazing guy, and if she couldn't see that, then you don't need her. You deserve someone who knows your true worth. I know you really liked her Dirk, but don't confuse that with your ego. Be upset that you liked her and it didn't work out, but don't dwell on it because she's the first one who dared to turn away from Derek Morgan." Derek hung his head knowing she had a point.  
"Sorry P."  
"I'm not the only one you owe an apology to Derek," she said softly.  
"I know P. Thanks for putting up with me, and slapping me in the head when needed."  
"Sure, what are friends for right?"


	7. Suprise

"Hey, do you guys know where Derek is?" Penelope asked worriedly. He hadn't been in the office since lunchtime and he wasn't answering her calls.  
"Um no. He left pretty abruptly after lunch. I was going to ask you what that was about." En answered.  
"I have no idea. I might give Fran a quick call and make sure everyone on that end is okay. Let me know when he comes back in?"  
"Will do. Keep me posted."  
"I will."

Penelope walked to her office, her brow furrowed worriedly. She was surprised to find him sitting absently fidgeting on her chair.  
"Hey Dirk, I was just getting worried about you? What gives? You've been MIA for hours." When Derek remained unresponsive Penelope closed the distance between them in a few steps,  
"Baby what's wrong?"  
"P, I have son." He murmured as he looked up at her,  
"Wow, whose?" she asked trying to rack her brain for possibilities,  
"It's before your time," he piped in,  
"Ahhh, Melissa?" she guessed as he nodded clearly still shell shocked.

Melissa was the love of his life. They were together for most of college and the beginning of Police Academy and the more he got into his career, the more they drifted apart. There were plans of marriage, but a few months before they were to get married, shortly before he was to join the BAU Melissa had confessed to falling in love with someone else. It was a part of his life that no one outside his family and Penelope knew about. Penelope often cringed on his behalf when the other would tease him about being a player because it was so far from the truth.

"That would make,"  
"Him, about six years old."  
"Oh wow! She never thought to tell you till now?"  
"Apparently with the way things ended between us she didn't know how." He said somewhat bitterly as her heart went out to him.  
"Oh Cupcake I'm sorry." She said draping her arms around his shoulders hugging him, her chin resting on his head as he remained sitting down. Derek hugged her arms to his chest and leaned his head against her ,  
"Why now?" she asked the million dollar question,  
"She's getting remarried, and they're moving to Uruguay for his work, and let's just say he wants to start a fresh."  
"So what she's ready to dispose of a child at his request? A child she deprived you of knowing all these years?" Penelope exclaimed in disgust.  
"P," he said gently knowing she was getting ready to work up a rant. Penelope stopped and saw the look on his face and merely sighed.  
"What's next?"  
"I am meeting him for the first time this afternoon. I'm going to meet them at the park."  
"Does he know who you are?"  
"Yeah, apparently she's told him about me, he has pictures," Derek could see that Penelope bit back the sarcasm that she was dying to express.  
"P," he began,  
"There if you need me Dirk."  
"Thanks P."  
"No biggie. Just swing by and get me when you're ready." Derek nodded standing up. He turned and pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, grateful that she was there for him so unconditionally.


	8. James Morgan

Wordlessly they came back to his apartment. They had spent the afternoon with his son, which was a spin out in itself that Penelope was still trying to wrap her head around it. Derek sank into his couch while Penelope went to the kitchen to grab them a couple of drinks.

James was a lively six year old, seeing him was like catching a glimpse of Derek as a young boy. definitely a spitting image of his father. Despite not knowing his father, he had managed to pick up his traits and it warmed Penelope's heart to see. From what Penelope had observed in the park James was not at all close to his mother and had spent most of his childhood being brought up by his Aunt Jamie, Melissa's older sister, which angered her even more than Derek was not given the opportunity to be a part of his son's life from the beginning.

James took to Penelope immediately as he eyed his father suspiciously and understandably so. To him Penelope was a third party, not the father he's never met, and the mother who was ready to abandon him for a new life. Penelope offered her friendship and he took to her instantaneously, for which Derek was grateful and a little envious.

She sat down on the couch beside him handing him a beer.  
"Thanks P." he said absently,  
"All good D."  
"I can't believe she's willing to walk away from him without a backward glance. How does a mother do that P?" he whispered in disbelief.  
"I don't know, but the way I see it, he couldn't be at a better place than with you."  
"With this job? My hours?"  
"Hotch manages," Penelope answered,  
"He doesn't have Jack full time."  
"You can make this work, yes there will be changes and sacrifices, but you're more than up for the challenge. You would never be able to live with yourself if you let him live with someone else after his mother willingly abandons him. Besides, the whole team will be here to help you. I'll be here to help you in any way I can. When you get called in for a case, he can stay with me. We'll find a way to make it work for the both of you," she assured him.  
"Thanks P."  
"Any time friend. Any time."

Things moved quickly for the next couple of weeks, by the end of the month James was moved into Derek's spare bedroom. Still hesitant and weary of his father James followed and stuck close to Penelope. On his first few nights in Derek's home Penelope had offered to stay to help him ease into his life with Derek with a safety net.

"Are you ready for your first day at school Kiddo?" Penelope asked as she flipped the pancake on the pan. James shrugged nervously in response.  
"I know you're nervous honey, but you'll be okay. It may be hard in the beginning but you'll eventually make friends, and you'll settle right in. Till then you have me."  
"Thanks Aunt P." he replied cracking his first smile for the day.  
"Any time Kiddo. You know your Dad's there for you too."  
"I do, I'm just getting used to having a Dad you know."  
"I do, take your time. Your Dad's not going anywhere. He loves you. I know it may be hard to believe seeing as you barely know each other, but I know your Dad. The moment he knew you existed, he loved you, and will continue to love you for as long as he lives."  
"You think so?"  
"I know so. Cut him some slack. He wants so badly to get to know you."  
"I'll try Aunt P." James promised as he went to the fridge to grab some more juice. Derek who had caught the tail end of their conversation joined them in the kitchen and dropped a kiss on her temple without a word. She smiled knowing that he had busted her in giving his son a pep talk.

"Hey Kid, you ready for your first day at school?"  
"I think so."  
"What do you say we shoot some hoops this afternoon when you get out. You're Aunt Jamie tells me you're a huge basketball fan,"  
"Really?"  
"Sure, I'll come and pick you up after school and we can play around for a bit."  
"Aunt P, will you come?"  
"I have to work slugger, but maybe next time. I'll be here waiting for you guys with a Pizza when you're done though." She added seeing the little boy's forehead furrow into sadness.  
"Peperoni?" he asked lighting up,  
"Is there any other kind?" she scoffed in mock disbelief.  
"Why don't you go and brush your teeth little man and your Aunt P and I will drop you off at school." James nodded and hopped off the counter stool.  
"Thank you." Derek murmured into her ear as he wrapped his arms around her,

"No problem."


	9. Changes

"What was that?" Derek asked his son in disbelief. It had been over eight months since James had moved in and he was long since settled in at his father's house. Slowly they had built a relationship though there were evident moments of hesitation, for the most part they had learned to co exist. Penelope remained James' first point of call, and worshipped the ground she walked on.

James merely shrugged as his father waited for an answer. Daphne, his current girlfriend had just stormed out of his apartment after James' less than to be desired for behaviour. Derek had been seeing Daphne for a couple of months, and they all saw right through her, most especially James.  
"James Zachary Morgan,"  
"I don't like her." James said defiantly with his hands on his hips.  
"Buddy, you don't even know her. You don't even try to get to know her. She's trying to get to know you but you won't let her."  
"She doesn't care about me. She just wants to look good. She wants you to think that she's trying."  
"Jay,"  
"No, she doesn't care. Not like Aunt P does. She loves me, and she likes hanging out with me for me and not because she needs to impress you." Derek sighed,  
"Buddy, Aunt P is different. Not everyone is like Aunt P."  
"Why can't you and Aunt P just be together?" James said quietly. Before Derek could reply Penelope cleared her throat, she had come running when James had called her a half hour before begging for her to come and get him. Derek looked up in surprise as Penelope made her way towards James drawing him into a hug,  
"Aww, little man we talked about this." She said bending down to meet his eye while Derek contained his surprise,  
"I love your Daddy and your Daddy loves me. We've been friends for a very long time, but the kind of love we have is different. The only thing you need to know kiddo is that I will always love you. Whoever comes into your Dad's life, whoever comes into mine, and whoever your Dad marries, know that I will always be there for you. That I would drop anything for you."  
"You promise?" he asked searching her eyes. Penelope's heart broke to see the vulnerability that lived beyond such young eyes.  
"I'm here now aren't I? I will have you know I left your Aunt Em and Aunt JJ in the line at the cinemas to get here."  
"You called your Aunt P?" Derek asked while James dropped his gaze and nodded.  
"It's okay Derek." Penelope assured him,  
"I'm sorry Aunt P. Sorry Dad."  
"Derek, why don't you go on after Daphne, and I'll take the munchkin to the movies with me." Penelope suggested while Derek hesitated,  
"Jay?"  
"Go on Dad, I really am sorry. I'll go with Aunt P."  
"P, are you sure?"  
"Of course! I wouldn't turn down a date with the most handsome looking kid I've ever met. Kiddo, why don't you go and grab your stuff while I chat to your Dad a bit?" James nodded and headed to his room to grab his jacket.  
"You've talked about this before?" he asked.  
"Not at length, but he had raised the question once or twice."  
"I'm sorry P."  
"It's okay. We're not exactly the most conventional of families, but it works. He's just not good with change, after everything, it's only understandable."  
"No matter how hard she tries with him he slams her."  
"After everything he's been through Derek you can't blame him for being weary of strangers. All the changes in his life the last nine months comes at a price, and Daphne has to give him a little allowance, and let's not forget he's only six. Yes, most of the time he acts older than what he is, but at the end of the day, he's still only six. He's fighting to hold on to what he's grown to love, you, his life with you, if you get married, what would that mean for him?"  
"I know. I'll talk to her."  
"Good, let's go buddy." Penelope called out to James. Derek sensed that something was up with Penelope, that she was mad at him for something,  
"P, are we okay?"  
"Why wouldn't we be?" she replied. Just as Derek was about to prod James came running out of his room and happily flung his arms around Penelope's waist.  
"Ready.,"  
"Well then let's go. Your Aunt Jayje and Aunt Em are looking forward to seeing you. Say bye to you dad kiddo." James went to give his father a hug,  
"We'll drop him home afterwards and stay with him till you get home or if you'd rather he can come home with me."  
"I'll be home in a couple of hours P. I'll see you when you drop him off." Penelope nodded non committal.  
"See you in a few hours then."

Somewhat confused at Penelope's behaviour and demeanour Derek absently drove to Daphne's so they could talk. He knew that it wasn't a choice. His son always comes first. James' question about him and Penelope had thrown him a curveball. James' behaviour made sense, especially since he was so close to Penelope. It was only natural that he would assume that his father and Aunt P would eventually get together. Or more would want them together.

After the movies the girls had treated James to an ice cream soda before taking him home. Derek was surprised to see all three of them at his doorstep to drop off James who was fast asleep snuggled against Penelope, his face buried on the crook of her neck as the rest of his body was wrapped around her.

"Hey ladies, thanks for bringing him home."  
"All good. It's fun hanging out with him. It's like your mini you but way less obnoxious." Emily answered with a grin. Penelope changed James into his pyjamas careful not to wake him. Emily raised an eyebrow at JJ as if to confirm their suspicions of just how intertwined their friend's lives were that she knew where Derek's son's pyjamas were and how natural it was for her to change him for bed, as though she had been doing it for years.  
"Night Aunt P, love you." The little Morgan murmured as she tucked him into bed.  
"Night little man, love you too."

"So where are you guys off to now?" Derek asked as they closed James' door behind them.  
"Home," JJ answered with a yawn.  
"Hey P did you want to stay over, I can drive you home tomorrow?" he offered. Penelope threw her friends a not so discreet 'Save Me' look,  
"Actually Derek we're all going home to mine." Emily quipped thinking quick on her feet receiving a grateful look from Penelope who wasn't up for a one on one with Morgan at that point.  
"Oh okay." He replied with a worried glance at Penelope,  
"Call you tomorrow," he said pointedly at her as he hugged them all good bye.

As they got into the car Penelope knew the interrogation would begin. Em and JJ weren't surprised that Penelope dropped everything to check on James knowing how attached the little boy was to her. What was surprising was that she evidently did not want to be in Derek's presence, which they've never seen before. It wasn't unusual for her to stay over his or vice versa when she and the girls didn't have plans. Even more so after James came into the picture,

"Penelope Garcia, what was that?" Emily asked not pulling any punches,  
"Establishing one's boundaries?" she answered with a shrug of the shoulders not offering anything more which was a tell tale sign that their friend was still processing.  
"Do you want to bounce off?" JJ offered.  
"I feel like we're confusing James. Derek and I are so intertwined that a six year old boy is convinced that we belong together and acts out when something threatens that. That can't be healthy."  
"The kid loves you Pen. I don't think it's because of the fact that you and Derek may be giving him mixed signals, it's simply because he loves you and believes you belong with his father." JJ attempted to placate her friend.  
"Well I doubt we're helping him think otherwise."  
"So what you're just going to avoid him? You know he'll never let you get away with that, especially without explanation." Emily pointed out.  
"I know. I'm just trying to buy time before that conversation we inevitably need to have."  
"Honey, I doubt you have much time. Frankly if he didn't have to worry about James I'd bet he'd be camped out in front of your apartment building now because there's no way he bought that you're all sleeping at mine." Penelope shrugged in response. Emily started the car and the rest of the ride to Penelope's was a quiet one. Both JJ and Emily knew that Penelope was weighing things out in her mind, and that she needed to rummage through the cloud before she shared.

Derek had watched them from his window and noticed that they stayed park for at least another fifteen minutes. It usually meant that the girls were having a pow wow, and he could only guess what the topic was. He knew for a fact that he and Penelope needed to talk and he couldn't help but worry of it's outcome.

Her phone began to ring a familiar tune the moment she walked into her apartment. She sighed deeply and considered not answering, but she had already raised enough flags for one evening and reluctantly picked up.

"Hey," she greeted.  
"Hey P."  
"What's up?"  
"You tell me."  
"Derek,"  
"No P, something's up. You're mad at me. Is it because of tonight?"  
"I'm not mad Derek."  
"Then what is it P."  
"I just think maybe we're confusing James with the amount of time we spend together. How is he ever going to adjust to anyone else if you and I are forever living in each other's pocket. It's not fair to him, or you, or me."  
"What are you saying P?" he asked quietly.  
"That maybe you and I should spend some time apart. My routine with James won't change, but things between you and I, they have to change Derek. It's not fair to him. I don't want to confuse him more than he already is." Not to mention myself, she added silently.  
"P,"  
"Please Derek, this isn't easy for me to say."  
"I don't want things to change between us." He protested.  
"They have to. They can't stay this way." Without waiting for his reply, she bid him a quick goodnight and hung up.


	10. Revelations

"Aunt P, will you come and see Grandma with us?" James asked excitedly as she came through the door. Penelope was taking him to the movies for the evening. It had been weeks since she and Derek had established their new boundaries, and outside coming over to drop off or pick up James, they had very little to do with each other. Their team and friends watched in growing concern as their banter and flirtation had clearly diminished, in its place came awkward silences and somewhat resentful glances from Derek who was clearly mad at Penelope for the decision she enforced.  
"Sorry Kiddo, Aunt P has other plans." Derek lifted his head in surprise. Hotch had given them all a few days off after an incredibly hard case. He decided to take James to Chicago to see his Mom and sisters mainly because things between him and Penelope were becoming more and more difficult,  
"What other plans?" James asked sounding more and more like his father every day as he stood there with an identical furrowed brow.  
"Aunt P is going to New York for a few days." She answered smiling at him,  
"What's in New York?" he asked suspiciously as though voicing out his father's every thought.  
"Nothing little man, Aunt P has a few things she needs to do. Now are you ready to go?"  
"Yes,"  
"Are you packed for Gramma's honey?"  
"Yup."  
"Well good. Let's get going. I don't want to keep you out too late. You have an early start in the morning. Say bye to your Dad." Penelope stood uncomfortably by the door as James ran to his Dad to give him a hug.

"Hey Aunt P, are you and Dad fighting?"  
"No honey, why would you think that?"  
"You don't talk anymore. You guys don't even kiss each other hello anymore, and you don't hug. You always hugged."  
"We're not fighting honey. I just felt really bad that we were confusing you by acting the way we act around each other."  
"I'm not confused Aunt P." he stated  
"Honey, you refuse to let anyone in your father's life because you think we're going to get together."  
"Aunt P, Daphne is a jerk and you know it. She was one person with me, and another when Dad was around, that's why I didn't like her. And yes, I do want you and Dad to get together."  
"You know that's never going to happen."  
"Why not?" James insisted while Penelope let out a sigh,  
"Because your Dad doesn't see me that way."  
"Do you see him that way?"  
"James Zachary Morgan."  
"Come on Aunt P."  
"You're six."  
"And?? Besides I'm almost seven."  
"Really because you sound like you're forty."  
"Tell me you don't love him"  
"You know I love your Dad."  
"Love him, or Love Love him?"  
"Okay, there you're six." She pointed out hoping to cease their conversation.  
"Please Aunt P."  
"Kiddo, it doesn't matter."  
"It does because you suspiciously look like you're about to run away."  
"What?" Penelope said astonished.  
"New York? I heard you on the phone the other night."  
"Oh," Penelope said guiltily.

"That's certainly a promising prospect Mac,"  
"Well come on down and take a stroll around the office and see if you can see yourself in here."  
"Your timing…"  
"Is impeccable as always?" he finished. She had known Mac Taylor since they were in college and they had remained friends since. For years he had been trying to recruit her into his team and she had always refused, so when she called him to see if anything was available he was more than surprised.  
"You could say that. Give Stella my love and I will see you guys in a couple of days."  
"Alright Pen. Call with your flight details and we will meet you at the airport."  
"Sounds great, see you then."

"How much did you hear?"  
"Enough to bug you right now."  
"I haven't made any decisions. I'm going to New York to see a couple of old friends that's all."  
"And?" he pried,  
"There's a job. It would be a great opportunity for me, but I don't know if I'm going to take it. I would have talked to you the moment I thought it was a possibility. I promise kiddo, you know I'd never walk on you."  
"I do know that Aunt P."

Despite the seriousness of their initial conversation Penelope and James had a good time. They had dinner at the Diner near the office that they all loved before going to the cinema for a Looney Tunes Marathon. It was just on nine when Penelope dropped James home.

"Alright Kiddo, you have a great time at Gramma's. Give her and your Aunts a big hug from me." Penelope said as she hugged him,  
"I will Aunt P. Promise me you'll come back?" he whispered in her ear.  
"Of course I will." She said looking straight into his eye dropping a kiss on his forehead.  
"I love you Aunt P."  
"I love you too Kiddo." Derek watched their exchange somewhat worriedly. Penelope glanced up at him and gave him a wave before heading out the door. James looked up at his father and gave him a disappointed look before heading to his room to get ready for bed.


	11. Possibilities

Derek threw a sideways glance at James as they sat on the plane to Chicago. The little boy who rarely shut up was all of a sudden quiet and thoughtful.

"You okay buddy?" Derek asked concerned. The exchange between him and Penelope was permanently embedded in his head. Something was tugging at his heart. Yes he missed his best friend, and he had literally taken the cold shoulder route when she told him they needed to be more careful about their exchange in front of James. He knew that he had hurt her by doing that, but he was hurt too.  
"Dad, do you love Aunt P?"  
"J, this again?" he asked.  
"No, I just want to know."  
"Of course I love your Aunt P, she's my best friend. We're working through a few things right now, but it doesn't change the fact that I love her."  
"As in only your best friend kind of way?"  
"Where is this coming from?"  
"Can you not see Aunt P more than that?" he pried.  
"I never thought about it before." Derek answered while James looked bewildered.  
"Really?" and for the first time he understood where his Aunt Penelope was coming from. His Dad was blind.  
"Dad, if Aunt P moved, what would you do?"  
"She's moving?" Derek asked turning to his son.  
"She could. I mean what keeps her in Virginia?"  
"Work, friends, the team."  
"Aunt P can get a job anywhere, and she has friends everywhere." James pointed out gently. Derek knew that, and he knew that what kept her in Virginia was the team, but in most part him and James, as they were the closest thing to family she had.  
"You've never really thought about it?" James asked once more his eyes boring through his father's dark eyes.  
"Dad, she's your first point of call for anything and everything. No one gets you the way she does and vice versa. You have this weird connection." James knew that he had lost his Dad to his own thoughts and let him be.

Penelope sat on the plane lost in her own thoughts, the words of little James Morgan playing in her head challenging her about his father. How does she explain to a little boy that things weren't as simple as they seem when you're six going on seven. Things aren't so black and white, that his father may love her, but he doesn't love her the way she wants him to. That the more time passes that she plays his token best friend eats at her as she watches him flirt with the highest calibre of gorgeous women. That he doesn't see her beyond the friend that is there for him through every circumstance. How does she tell the six year old that she needs more than that? That she deserved more than that, when it took her years to tell that to herself. The breaking point was the blank look on his face as James raised the topic with him weeks back. It hurt to see that it was a thought he never considered. It was made her want to turn and run as fast and as far as her legs could take her. Though she feared that they would only further confuse James, she admitted to herself that she feared the day where the girl of his dreams would walk into their lives and everything she had grown to love would be ripped from her. She knew she would never survive that. She decided it would be easier to walk away now instead of later.

"Now you're a sight for sore eyes." Mac said as he pulled her into a hug. Penelope grinned as she willingly walked into his embrace. They had been close friends since her college days. His little sister Savannah, eventually wife Sarah and Penelope were inseparable in college and he had adopted Penelope as another younger sister and remained close throughout the years. Savannah was killed in a car accident just months after they graduated from college, and it was Penelope and Sarah who rallied around Mac and got him through it. The three of them became a force not to be reckoned with, a bond so strong that even death could not shake. When Sarah was lost on one of the Twin Towers in 9/11, Penelope had dropped everything and moved herself into Mac's guestroom indefinitely. For months they co-existed in his apartment, minimal words exchanged, but each other's presence had pulled them both out of their reverie.  
"You have no idea how happy I am to see you Kenz." She murmured calling him by the nickname that only she, Sarah and Savannah used.  
"I think I do. I've really missed you Mags. We don't see each other often enough."  
"Guilty."  
"Maybe I can tempt you to change that?" he teased.  
"Don't, my defences are down. I may just take you up on it on a whim." Penelope answered with a chuckle as she turned to Stella.  
"Hey Stell, thanks for coming to get me." Stella grinned threw her arms around Penelope excitedly.  
"I'm so glad you're here."  
"She's been bouncing around since I told her you were coming to visit." In the last few years Penelope had grown close to Stella, knowing how important she was to Mac and that she was virtually the only person with an exception to her that he confides in. Penelope often wondered if Mac would ever let himself see that he loved Stella. She knew that his connection and loyalty to Sarah prevented him from even considering anyone else to take her place. He would never risk his friendship with Stella for a possibility. She meant too much to him.  
"Me too, I've really missed you guys. So what's a girl got to do to get some lunch around here? I'm starved." Mac smiled and draped an arm around her shoulder taking her bags from her.


	12. Planting a seed

"Hey Kiddo, I was just about to call you." Penelope said with a grin as she heard his voice.  
"Just wanted to make sure you got to where you were going safely."  
"So your father's child aren't you?"  
"Apparently there's a consensus on that." He replied as he began to tell her about what his grandmother and Aunts had told him. Penelope gave Mac and Stella an apologetic look as she tried to find the moment where James would take a breath so she could tell him that she would call him back but the kid was not taking a breath.  
"Well it looks like you're having a great time honey. Listen, I just for in the car, can I give you a call at Grandma's in a few hours?"  
"Sure Aunt P, no problems. Grammie's waving sending her love."  
"You give Grammie and extra hug for me."  
"I will. Bye Aunt P. Love you."  
"Love you too Kiddo. I'll call you later."

"What?" Penelope said as she looked at Mac and Stella's look of bewilderment.  
"Did you get married and have a child since we last saw you?" Penelope rolled her eyes,  
"Very funny. That was Derek's son James, remember I was telling you both about him."  
"Hmm, that plot thickens." Mac said raising his eyebrows. He was well aware of Penelope's feelings for Derek, even before she was.  
"Can we please save the 'I told you so' for dessert?" she pleaded.  
"What I told you so?" Mac asked innocently.  
"The one that will inevitably come when you hear the whole story,"  
"Ahh, okay then. Lunch, dessert and then interrogation. It's a good thing Stella and I wrote off the whole day."  
"Funny funny man." Penelope chuckled.

"Grammie, Aunt P sends her love and she wanted me to give you an extra hug from her." James said as she helped him off the kitchen stool.  
"Did she get to New York okay?"  
"Uh huh. Grammie, can we make those cookies we baked last time?" James said shifting the conversation.  
"Of course Sweetheart, go get washed up and I'll get everything set up here." James gave his grandmother her promised hug before heading to the bathroom leaving Mother and Son in the kitchen.  
"So what's going on with you and Penelope?"  
"I suppose there's no point in playing innocent here?" Derek replied.  
"Ahh, no. Usually it's Penelope this, Garcia that, and for the lat few weeks, nothing. You haven't even mentioned her name in passing and that's not like you. I know what she means to you."  
"I'm glad you do." was Derek's defeated answer.  
"What happened?" Derek began to tell her from the beginning what had transpired  
"And you've seriously never considered beyond friendship?"  
"Why do you all give me that look when I say that?" he asked.  
"And you're a profiler Derek Morgan?"  
"Mom!"  
"I'm sorry Sweetheart, but for someone who's spoken of no one but Penelope Garcia in all the years he's known her, despite the girlfriends that have come and gone without detection, I find it a little disconcerting that you have never considered for even the briefest moment that maybe, just maybe she could be the one."  
"She's Pen, she's my best friend, and yes I love her, but it's different."  
"Derek, you may not have thought about it, but I am willing to bet it's crossed Penelope's mind once or twice."  
"You think that's why she's asked for boundaries?"  
"Wouldn't you?" Fran asked gently.  
"I may have just screwed up majorly Mom." Derek said softly as replayed it all back in his head.  
"You'll fix it. I know you can."  
"That's if she'll let me."  
"Derek, before you blow out on the grand gestures, I ask you one important favour."  
"What's that Mom?"  
"Know what you want. Decide what it is, and don't base your decision on your fear of losing her in your life. If you want to be with her, in that can't eat, can't breathe kind of way, then go for it. But if not, if you just love her as your friend, then as her friend release her. She'll always be a part of your life, it may not be in the same way, but she'll always be there. If you pursue this, and in the end realise it's not that kind of love you feel for her, she may just not recover and that's unfair to not only her, but to all involved, you included. You'll end up losing her forever."  
"I hear you Mom." He said finally getting it. Fran wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he sat there obviously in deep thought. A few minutes later an energetic six year old noisily bounded down the stairs, his grandmother knew that he had heard all that was exchanged as he grinned at her innocently upon his descent.  
"More and more like your father." She muttered good naturedly.


	13. Reminding you of who you are

During lunch Stella was called away on a case leaving Mac and Penelope to their own devices, which meant there would be no punches pulled from either side.  
"Well?" Mac said simply,  
"Well what?"  
"You know what Mags."  
"I do, can't blame a girl for trying to dodge a bullet."  
"Mags, stop stalling."  
"Okay okay… so I love him. I broke the cardinal rule and fell in love with one of my best friends."  
"It's safe to assume that you're not talking about me." He teased as Penelope let out a much needed laugh,  
"Yes it is, besides you fit into that Best Friend more of a brother category."  
"Good to hear, so does he know?"  
"Well if he didn't, I would imagine he would by now. He's gone to his mother's who will inevitably connect the dots for him if he hasn't done it himself yet."  
"You say this man is one of the country's top profiler?" Mac said dryly as Penelope threw a napkin in his direction,  
"Are you implying that I am unable to be subtle?"  
"No, but seriously…"  
"I just don't fall under his radar in any capacity." Penelope replied sadly.  
"Mags,"  
"Who am I kidding Kenz, I'm not exactly…"  
"Don't you date finish that sentence or you will have Vannah and Sar rolling in their graves." Penelope sighed.  
"Only you see me through rose coloured glasses Kenz, I love you all the more for it, but you need to realise that you're the only one that sees me that way."  
"You're wrong Mags."  
"I wish I was." Penelope replied tiredly. Not wanting to press her anymore, knowing that they'll have the next few days to fully dissect the situation, he merely placed a hand over hers and gave it a squeeze, wanting nothing more than to whack Derek Morgan over the head. Penelope for as long as he had known her had battled over her uniqueness, when she couldn't ignore it, she played on it, and now hid behind it.

Penelope knew that she would never be able to think straight if she was forever on the phone with James, so she had given herself the liberty of providing him with a little white lie.

"Hey sweetheart, sounds like you and Grammie had a great time today. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, my friends and I are heading up to his cabin and there won't be any reception, so if I can't call you or you can't call me, don't panic okay. I'll call you the moment we get back within reception distance."  
"Sure Aunt P, no problems. When do you get back?" James asked none the wiser,  
"I'm not sure. A few days, give or take a day or two after you guys get back from Chicago."  
"You are coming back aren't you?" James asked worriedly looking up at his grandmother and father who lifted their gaze.  
"Of course sweetheart, I'm just sorting a few things out here, and once I'm done, I'll head on back."  
"You promise,"  
"I promise J."  
"Okay, love you Aunt P."  
"Love you too Slugger."

James quietly slipped off the counter chair and headed to the den to watch TV not saying a word to either adult in the room obviously lost in his own thoughts. Derek looked at his mother who wordlessly handed him the phone.

"What now?" Penelope asked with a groan seeing the Morgan Residence's number flashing on her phone. Making the executive decision to let it go to her voicemail she waited till it stopped before turning her phone off and handing it to Mac. She knew in her heart it wasn't James, and that James had her pager number for emergencies.  
"I don't want it back till I'm about to get on that plane. Whatever decision I make, he has no say in it. No more than his lack of action already plays in it."  
"You sure?"  
"If there is one thing I am certain of, it is that."

Derek knew that she would know that it was he that was calling her, and when he tried again and realised that she had switched her phone off, it spoke volumes. He knew she would be with Mac Taylor, that he was the closest thing to family she had, therefore whenever she had time off, or something significant happens in her life she flies to New York, and he had come down a few times to Quantico to hang with Penelope. He had met him a couple of times, and knew that Mac treated Penelope as a little sister.

Mac and Penelope spent a low key evening in front of an open fire with a several glasses of wine talking and catching up. Mostly about the old times, and reminiscing about those they had loved and lost. There was no one else that Mac or Penelope really talked to about Savannah or Sarah, therefore it brought them great comfort when they talked about it. Mac was worried about Penelope, it had been awhile since he had heard her doubt herself, and he didn't like it one bit. He had made a mental note to give Derek Morgan a piece of his mind.

The next day as promised, Mac took Penelope for a took around the CSI office in New York. Penelope enjoyed her day hanging out with Stella and Lindsay while Mac took care of a few things.

"So has he offered you the job?"  
"What job?" Penelope asked. Sure, she and Mac joked about it, but she knew that he would never really offer her a position unless she was certain, and he was convinced that she wasn't running.  
"CSI's tech analyst is about to pop and we're looking for a temporary replacement for her. She's only going on maternity leave for three months. How have you been here for more than twenty four hours and Mac not demand you take this job?" Lindsay asked out loud.  
"Because he knows I'd take it simply because he asked."  
"I have no problem with that, do you Stell?" Lindsay said with a grin, while Stella and Penelope chuckled.  
"He would, as much as he wants me in New York, he'd never play those cards."  
"Damn him and his principles." Lindsay muttered wanting nothing more than to have Penelope in New York. Penelope and Stella exchanged a glance. Stella knew that Penelope was tempted to take the job for all the wrong reasons. When Lindsay excused herself to head back to work Stella gave Penelope's leg a gentle squeeze. Penelope had been lost in her own thoughts since Lindsay had brought up the job prospect. Penelope looked up at Stella and smiled,  
"I admit that it's tempting to just pack my bags and run. To get away from him, to get away from what was us, every fibre of my being is craving an out Stell."  
"Would it be such a bad thing, it's only for a few months, maybe it is what you need to clear your head. I'm worried about you Pen, you're doubting yourself, and I don't like it. Mac certainly is on protective mode. Your life doesn't revolve around Derek Morgan and his life. Yes he's your best friend and you love him, but whether or not he feels the same way, he has you second guessing yourself, thinking you're less than what you are. You need remember to see yourself for who you are and not behind that Garcia persona you try so hard to hide behind." Stella called it as she saw it, which is one of the reasons why Penelope loved and appreciated her, in a lot of ways, she was so much like Sarah. Savannah, Sarah and Mac were the only people who really saw her, who existed before she learned to hide behind Garcia. Who loved her for who she was wholeheartedly, how desperately she missed her friends. How badly she was wanting to surround herself with the people who knew her like they did.

Emily and JJ were great girlfriends, and at times she confided in them, but she had always felt like the third wheel in their duo, and as much as they loved and appreciated her, they too rarely saw past Garcia. Reid understood her a little better, perhaps due to their shared quirkiness, she looked out for him, and he appreciated that, but their friendship was beyond deep. She wasn't diminishing her friendships with the members or her team, she loved them, and appreciated them, they had on more than one occasion declared solidarity, but right then and there, she needed more than that. Stella was right, she needed to remember who she was.

Penelope walked into Mac's office and sat herself down on the seat in front of his desk  
"So are you going to convince me to take the job, or am I going to have to convince you to let me take the job?"


	14. Goodbye to You

With a decision finalised in her head, Penelope felt settled for the first time in weeks. She knew she had to talk to Hotch, she owed him that much. She owed them all that much, but her loyalties lay with a six year old that she needed to talk to before anyone else.

"Hey," Derek greeted as he opened the door.  
"Hey,"  
"You could have just used your keys P."  
"I didn't even think about it, sorry."  
"P," before Derek could say anything further there was an excited squeal that came from behind him. Derek watched as James flung himself around Penelope nearly knocking her off her feet.  
"I've missed you too kiddo." She replied laughing affectionately running her fingers through his hair.  
"Have you grown?"  
"Maybe an inch?" he replied happy that she noticed.  
"And getting handsomer with every inch, what do you say we celebrate with some ice cream? You mind if I take him for a couple of hours?" she asked looking up at him not entirely meeting his gaze.  
"Sure,"  
"Grab your jacket honey and let's motor." James jumped up to reach his jacket by the coat rack and ran back to Penelope's side. She gave Derek a somewhat awkward wave as she ushered James out of his apartment.

"You're leaving aren't you?" he said almost accusingly. Penelope sighed as she turned his stool to face hers.  
"Only for a few months, I haven't made any long term decisions. There's a job, and it's only for three months, and it's a great opportunity for me Kiddo. It's something different."  
"You're leaving me, just like…"  
"Hey, you know I would never leave you. You and I can still talk every day, as many times as you want. You can email, and I can set up a lap top for you so you and I can Skype all the time. I'm not leaving you J, I promise. I love you more than you could ever imagine, and you just have to trust me on that. I've never lied to you have I?"  
"No, but when you're gone…"  
"Nothing changes. If you need me, I will jump into my car and drive the three hours just to make sure you're okay."  
"It won't be the same." He pouted,  
"I know honey, but you're going to have to trust me on this one. When you're bigger, you'll understand."  
"I understand now."  
"Do you?"  
"He loves you."  
"I know he does sweetheart," Penelope said pulling James into her arms as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.  
"I need you to believe me that I am not leaving you, that you are the best thing that's ever happened in my life. Getting to know you and hanging out with you has meant the world to me." Penelope said pulling back to look at him straight in the eye. Seeing the pool of emotions in her eyes, it was hard for James to doubt her words.  
"I believe you Aunt P. I promise."

Derek was in the shower when Penelope dropped James off, much to her relief. Seeing that it was still early she decided to make another stop.

"Penelope." Hotch said in surprise as he opened the door.  
"Is everything alright?"  
"I'm sorry to just drop by unannounced Hotch, I just needed to tell you something while I still had the nerve." Hotch's stomach turned a little, pre-empting that the news coming his way was not necessarily a good one.  
"Come on in, can I get you a coffee?"  
"No thanks, I've just had ice cream with James."  
"Have a seat." He said holding out his arm towards his couch. Awkwardly Penelope obliged.  
"I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to go on ahead and say it. I want to hand in my resignation effective immediately. There's a job at CSI on Mac Taylor's team, their analyst is ready to give birth any moment and they need a tech to cover her while she's on maternity leave. I know that I owe you at least a month to get a replacement, but Kevin Lynch would be more than suitable to replace me." Penelope spoke as fast as she could trying to cover all her basis before he could get a word in.  
"If it's a temporary position why are you quitting? I could put you on indefinite temporary leave."  
"I would never ask you to do that Hotch."  
"What if I'm offering?"  
"As in you're going to let me go?" she asked looking up at him in surprise.  
"Do I have a choice?" he asked softly. She could hear the disappointment in his voice, but there was no trace of anger, for which she was grateful.  
"I just need to do this Aaron. My whole life the last five years has been this job, I live and breathe the BAU. I love you guys, but at this point in my life, I need to remember who I am outside Garcia, your trusted Tech analyst."  
"You're more than our trusted tech analyst Penelope."  
"I know,"  
"Do you, because your voice and lack of eye contact right now tells me you doubt it."  
"God, I hate profilers." She muttered before looking up at him,  
"This isn't about you guys Aaron, this is me wanting to remember who I am outside Garcia, your trusted tech analyst. It's been awhile since I've seen her and I'm scared that if I don't do this now, I will never see her again." Sensing how important it was to her Aaron nodded his consent.  
"Then you go Penelope. Just promise that you'll come back to us,"  
"Of course." She replied with a small smile.  
"When?" he asked.  
"As soon as possible,"  
"And the team?"  
"I was hoping you'd let me get away with telling them on my last day so there won't be any attempts to talk me out of it."  
"You drive a hard bargain Penelope."  
"I know,"  
"How did James take it?"  
"Better than his father will." She replied as he nodded knowingly.

After talking to Strauss the next morning Hotch was in her office to let her know that as of that afternoon she was free to go. For the first time in what he realised was a long time Penelope beamed as he hadn't seen her beam in months.

"So drinks tonight?" he said in a non negotiable tone of voice.  
"Of course." They had a case that morning and were due to fly early, but he knew that Penelope would be packed and ready to go in a few days and he didn't want to risk her leaving without having one last get together. Much to Aaron's annoyance, Derek didn't make it to drinks regardless his emphasis on its importance. Derek had plans with Daphne and as they were leaving the next day on a case, he knew he had to spend some time with her and James so they were going bowling, much to James' dismay.

"Before you guys head off to your new case, I wanted to let you know that by the time you get back, I won't be here."  
"You taking some time off Pen?" Reid asked,  
"Something like that Boy Genius. I'm heading off for a couple of months to New York for a placement with CSI. Their analyst is a few days shy of having to take maternity leave and they offered me the position. It's a little like what I'm doing now but more forensics, which would hone my expertise in that department."  
"You're leaving?" JJ stated somewhat stunned,  
"For a few months, it's just New York."  
"You didn't even tell us you were considering it." Emily said suspiciously,  
"I didn't know about it till a couple of days ago myself. I thought I would have a couple of weeks but Angie isn't holding up as expected, so I'm heading over there as soon as I can make a couple of arrangements for my apartment."  
"You sure about this?" Rossi prodded.  
"It's the first time in a really long time I've been sure of anything."  
"Well we wish you Good Luck Garcia." He said holding up his glass, as the rest of them still in shock followed suit.

Penelope went home that night feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. A part of her was more than glad that Derek didn't pitch for drinks. It meant that she didn't need to be the one to tell him. She knew that Desiree had arrived in the morning to do some research for her paper, and offered to stay with James while he was away.

It was a quiet ride to their next case as they all in their own way mourned for Garcia's absence. The brightness she offered was something they had all taken for granted, and now they were all uncertain whether or not they would ever get it back.

Allowing Desiree to work on her paper in peace Penelope had offered to pick him up and take him out to dinner. She would be leaving the next day and they needed to some time together.

"The sooner I go, the sooner I get back." She said trying to reassure him,  
"I know."  
"So why the face?"  
"I'm just going to miss you that's all."  
"I'm going to miss you too Little Man. Now you're Dad will probably kill me, but hey. I thought I'd give you something."  
"You mean aside from the laptop?" he teased. Penelope had made good on her promise and built him a laptop equipped with Skype. Penelope laughed and pulled out a mobile phone from her bag,  
"This is so you can get in contact with me any time of day, for however long you want to okay." James wordlessly threw his arms around her neck and buried his face on her shoulder.  
"Do you really have to go?"  
"You know I do sweetheart." She answered feeling her heart break in so many pieces.

"Someone call Lynch to run the stats." Hotch said on his way out of the precinct with Rossi, Prentiss and JJ. Derek's head snapped up to meet Reid's somewhat guilty face as it became clear that Derek had no idea that Penelope was gone. As though needing more than Reid's face for confirmation Derek dialled the number one on his speed dial.  
"You have reached Tech Analyst Kevin Lynch, how can I help you?" barely able to get the words out, Derek told Lynch what he needed before hanging up to call Penelope's cell phone.  
"The number you have called, has been disconnected. Please check the number before trying again." Derek stormed into the bathroom and Reid walked in just in time as he punched the wall in frustration.  
"She didn't even say goodbye." Derek said quietly, deeply hurt and feeling extremely guilty.  
"It was sudden. She got the go ahead from Hotch and Strauss yesterday morning, and Hotch insisted we all go out for drinks and that's when she told us."  
"Well that explains my son's mood for the last couple of days." He said bitterly, knowing she would have talked to James before making any decision.  
"She said it was temporary." Reid said trying to reassure him, but Derek wasn't so sure.

Derek called James that night as he retired into this hotel room, tired and emotionally spent. He had wondered how it got so bad, so fast, and he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that she was gone.

"Hey kiddo." James heard the sorrow in his father's voice,  
"So you know?"  
"Yeah,"  
"She picked me up from school today and we hung out for awhile. We had dinner at the Diner. She's taking the red eye."  
"She okay?"  
"Yeah she is."  
"And you?" Derek asked worriedly.  
"I'm okay Dad. We talked. Really talked, she's the most honest person I know, and I know she loves me, and that she'll always be there for me, regardless geography."  
"You're a lucky kid you know that?"  
"I do Dad, I really do." James replied softly.

"Hey P, it's me Derek. But I guess after all these years you'd know that by now. I can't believe you've gone P. I can't believe you left without saying goodbye, but I guess I deserved that. I want you to know P, I love you. It may not be in the way you want it to be, nor do I quite understand what kind of love it is, but I know that I love you more than I have ever loved anyone before it my life. I'm sorry its taken your leaving for me to finally try and figure all this out in my head. I'm kind of at a loss without you P. Even in the last few weeks when we weren't really talking, I always knew you were there. I guess I've been selfish and taken it for granted that you would always be there. Now you're not, and I feel like someone's ripped out my heart and left the wound open. I want to follow you to New York and bring you back, but that wouldn't be fair. As your best friend, I know you need to do this for you. I don't want to lose you P…"

Penelope wiped the tears the ran down her cheeks as she stood by her door, her bags in her hands, taxi waiting downstairs. The moment she heard her machine click in, it was like instinctively she knew it would be him, and she couldn't bring herself to walk away without hearing what he had to say.

"I love you to Dirk, but that's not enough." She whispered to the ghost of him that remained in her apartment, and in her heart.


	15. Settling In

As hard as it was for Penelope to leave, it gave her a sense of ownership over her life that seemed to have been lacking of late. Though it wasn't Derek's fault, she knew that her whole life had been wrapped up in his for the last few years and especially the last months since James had arrived. Somehow, she became the primary female in James' life, reluctantly she admitted she had become his mother figure, and it alarmed her when she realised how easily it was for her to embrace, and even enjoy. There were a few tears when she hugged James goodbye, but for the most part, she welcomed the change ahead of her.

Derek got out of the shower his head clouded with thoughts of Penelope. He wanted nothing more than to talk to her. He needed to hear her voice. He needed her to reassure him of his place in her life, however unfair it may be. He felt like a part of him had been amputated and he needed her to tell him she was still there.

"You're here!" Stella squealed excitedly as Penelope came out of the exit doors. Penelope grinned and couldn't help but match Stella's excitement as she flew into her outstretched arms.  
"What I finally decide to move here and he doesn't even pick me up?" Penelope joked  
"I'm here. We got stuck in traffic, and I was driving. Missy here didn't even wait for me to stop the car and literally jumped out of my car in her excitement." Mac said coming from behind her. Penelope turned and threw her arms around his middle as he hugged her tightly  
"I do love that you have a one way ticket." He admitted softly in her ear.  
"Funnily enough, so am I."  
"So, seeing as you've declined the staying with either of us, a bone I choose to pick with you later. Mac has set up an alternative that I think we can all live with."  
"Oh and what is that?" she asked suspiciously,  
"There's a studio apartment subletting in my building, fully furnished, next door actually."  
"How convenient."  
"You don't mind?"  
"I trust Stella's taste."  
"That wounds me Mags." Mac said in a mock hurt tone of voice clutching his heart dramatically. Laughing the three of them made their way to Mac's car.

The studio apartment was perfect, and Penelope could tell what parts were blessed with Stella's touch. She appreciated the effort they had all gone through for her. The moment she walked into her apartment she felt at home.

"You approve?" Mac checked noting the smile on her face  
"It's perfect. You guys are the best ever."  
"Glad you like it Pen."

Mac, Stella and Penelope ordered Chinese for the night. After Mac had walked Stella to her car he knocked on Penelope's door. As he walked in she threw her spare keys at him,

"I trust you still have yours to mine."  
"Why of course."  
"So how did the goodbyes go?"  
"Not pulling any punches I see."  
"What for?" he replied. Penelope sighed and handed him the cup of tea she had made for him and took hers with her as they sat on the couch.  
"We didn't have one. I said goodbye to everyone else, but by some stroke of luck he wasn't available the night Hotch made us go out for drinks, and I left after they went to go on a case."  
"Seriously?"  
"Pretty much. Oh and I haven't told you about the best part." Penelope began to give him a play by play of his message on her machine.  
"Permission to smack the boy when we cross paths,"  
"Denied, it's okay Kenz. I mean it hurts, but I can't force him to feel what he clearly doesn't. It shouldn't have to take my absence to activate any subliminal feelings he may have towards me. His message clearly said, and word for word_**, **__**I want you to know P, I love you. It may not be in the way you want it to be, nor do I quite understand what kind of love it is, but I know that I love you more than I have ever loved anyone before it my life. I'm sorry its taken your leaving for me to finally try and figure all this out in my head.**_ I mean, what exactly does he not get. I wish he would just say he just doesn't feel that way and be done with it. None of this thinking it over, have to figure it out thing. Come on, if you don't know now, clearly you don't feel it."  
"Perhaps he's just incredibly slow and stupid?" Mac said in attempt to placate her.  
"He just doesn't love me that way, and that's okay. I'm learning to live with that. I'm okay. I promise. I am exactly where I am meant to be."


	16. Moving On

Adjusting to life in New York was a lot easier than Penelope thought it would be. Mac watched as she embraced her new surroundings and new responsibilities. From time to time a look of sadness would cross her face and he knew exactly where she would be. Keeping her promise to James, Penelope remained in contact with him daily, at times numerous times of the day and she had transitioned from maternal figure to his confidant and best friend. When the team would be gone for long periods of time she would take a couple of days to spend time with him one on one. Penelope kept in contact with the rest of the team, mostly Hotch and the girls who had to admit that despite everything, Penelope was thriving, and they believed that despite how much they missed her, she did exactly what she needed to do for herself. There was a new self confidence about her that they could hear in her voice when she checked in. She enjoyed the new challenge of her job, and though her new job required the same skills, it was a lot less brutal, less personal. Along with Mac's team, she had made other friends outside the Bureau, she had started taking a writing class in the evenings, and started running with a couple of work mates from the building randomly. Mac knew in a way it was a coping mechanism, keeping herself busy and at first he was worried, but as she settled into a routine, he knew the routine was beneficial, even essential. He and Penelope had a non negotiable dinner once a week at either apartment. Penelope did Saturday brunches with Stella and Lindsay while she and Mac often went on hikes on Sunday afternoons.

"Danny no, I am not going out with you guys. For one, I am already in my pyjamas and I have no intention of getting out of them. I have been looking forward to a night in in weeks, it's been crazy at work and I was really looking forward to a chick flick night. Hang on there's someone at the door," without looking through the peep hole Penelope opened her door,  
"You tell Flack to put a sock in it, he was the one that bailed on us last week. Ugh Danny, I have to go. I'll talk to you later. Don't call me again." Penelope said hanging up as she saw JJ and Emily at her door. Penelope unlatched the chain on her door and greeted her friends with a huge smile and welcoming hug,  
"You guys! What are you doing here? I'm so happy to see you both." Emily and JJ hugged their friend happily having missed her. It had almost been two months, and it was the first time they had seen her since they had said their goodbyes. They knew that she came to see James regularly when they were out on a case so they never got to catch up with her.  
"We've really missed you Pen. All of us. Even grumpy old Hotch, who can I just say has become a tad grumpier since your temporary hiatus. Kevin Lynch is counting down the days till you come back. He's unfortunately been at the receiving end of our Garcia withdrawals."  
"I'm sure it's not that bad. Come on in. Are you guys here on a case or can you stay the weekend?"  
"We've just finished a case, and Hotch gave us the rest of the week off, so we thought we'd come hang with you."  
"Where's your stuff?" she asked noting their empty hands.  
"Well we didn't want to intrude so we left them at the hotel."  
"Don't be silly, you're welcome to stay here. I mean if you don't mind sharing the futon it folds out."  
"We're good with that."  
"Well why don't you guys go and grab your things, and I will get dinner, and by that I mean take out situated."  
"Awesome! Give us a half hour and we'll be back." Emily said ushering JJ out of the door as Penelope shook her head in amusement. So much for her quiet night in, which was suspiciously starting to feel like the beginnings of an intervention. Penelope ordered Pizza and realised she was out of wine and decided to hit Mac's apartment knowing they still had a fair few bottles left over from their trip to Napa Valley a couple of weekends before. Mac and Stella were out to dinner for the evening, so she crossed over to his apartment in her pink cupcake pyjamas and pink Ugg boots. While she was there she swiped her popcorn maker.

"And where do you think you're going with that loot?" Penelope grinned as she secured Mac's door shut as she balanced two bottles of wine and a popcorn maker in her arms. She turned and looked sheepishly up at Hotch,  
"Busted! You got me. Stealing alcohol, but the popcorn maker is mine."  
"It's good to see you Penelope." Hotch said with a genuine smile.  
"Now Boss man is that a smile I see. Careful, I may just think you have missed me." She said allowing him to take the bottles of wine as she let them into her apartment.  
"Now would that be such a surprise Penelope?"  
"I realise not Sir." Penelope answered standing on her tip toe to plant a kiss on his cheek.  
"You just missed the girls. They've gone to grab their bags to stay the weekend. You're welcome to join us for pizza if you'd like?"  
"I would love to, but I think the girls would like to monopolise you for themselves, which is why I'd visit now while they're gone."  
"How's my little Jackers?"  
"He's good. He misses his Aunt Pen. He was so excited that you came to see him on your last visit with James. I appreciate that Penelope. I know Jack loves you dearly and he loves it when you come and see him."  
"Well you give him an extra hug from me and tell him I'll see him on my next visit. How's everything else? I hear you've been scaring off my replacement."  
"Your interim replacement." He corrected to which she smiled.  
"Regardless, be nice to him. He's useful. He's not me, but he's good."  
"If I fire him will you come back?" he wondered not altogether teasing,  
"You know I can't just yet." Penelope answered softly.  
"Just yet of ever Pen?" he asked suspiciously.  
"I haven't made any decisions Aaron. I haven't allowed myself to think that far."  
"Okay, but you'll tell me."  
"You'll be the first to know. I promise. How's Reid? Dave?"  
"They're good. We leave in the morning. Derek's gone on ahead to Virginia, it's the last night of James' play."  
"That's good. I drove up for opening night the kid did real good. Fran and Des watched last night, and watching again tonight."  
"You drove from New York for a six year old's school play?"  
"I promised." Hotch chuckled.  
"We leave for Virginia tomorrow, are you up for Brunch in the morning before we head off."  
"Sounds good"

Just as Penelope was letting Hotch out, the girls had returned and saying their goodbyes when Stella and Mac got off the elevator.

"Hey Kids, you're home early." Penelope greeted. Mac and Stella walked to say their hellos. Mac dropped a kiss on Penelope's head as he reached his hand out to Hotch,  
"Agent Hotchner,"  
"Hotch please." Stella gave Penelope a quick hug before introducing herself to JJ and Emily.  
"Stella,"  
"Stell, Mac these are my friends and colleagues, Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss. Guys, Mac Taylor and Stella Bonasera."  
"Nice to meet you." Pleasantries exchanged, the arrival of pizza and ten minutes later, the girls were back in Penelope's apartment. Penelope was about to extend the invite to Stella but felt that the girls wanted a one on one time with her.  
"Bugger, I'm all out of Parmesan Cheese, let me go steal some next door. I'll be right back." Penelope walked across to Mac's door leaving her door wide open as she knocked on Mac's door.  
"Sorry Kenz, I'm all out of Parmesan and you know I don't do pizza without it."  
"You know where the fridge is." He said waving her in as he waved at the girls standing by Penelope's door. Penelope quickly grabbed the parmesan cheese and dropped a kiss on Stella's head as she whispered 'talk soon'.  
"Thanks Kenz." Giving him a quick hug before heading back to her apartment.

"Is it me or is she about to walk into an intervention?" Stella said as Mac closed the door to join her on the couch,  
"Oooh yeah, but I think she's ready. She's stronger than I've seen her in a really long time. I think it's been the strongest she's ever been. She'll be fine."  
"So movie?"  
"Absolutely."


	17. By golly, I think he got it!

The girls ate in semi silence. Emily and JJ filled her in on what was new in Quantico, and as far as she could tell they were trying really hard to omit Derek as a topic of conversation, and for that she was grateful, though she knew it wouldn't last long, she cherished the moment while she could.

Derek made it just in time as the curtains went up for James place. James grinned as he saw his Dad sitting on the second row next to his Grandma. Grandma Fran who had retired had decided to move to Virginia to be nearer to her only grandchild. Derek appreciated the move as he would not have known what to do with James after Penelope had left. Derek gave him son a proud smile and a wave as the lights dimmed and the music began. Derek did his best to concentrate and focus on the play, but his mind kept wandering, to the same place it's been wandering since she had left.

Derek suspected that the girls had a plan. That they were literally going to Shanghai Pen for the weekend. They too hadn't seen their favourite tech since her departure and he could tell that they had missed her immensely. Whether Penelope knew it or believed it, she was the sunshine to their darkness and it was her quips and quirkiness that drew them out of the dark hole that threatened to swallow them whole. She was his light, and he missed her. Despite this, he couldn't bring himself to pick up the phone. While in New York he had literally paced in front of her apartment trying to work up the courage to see her, and talk to her, but something always held him back. Perhaps it was the fear that she would slam the door on his face, despite how unlike Penelope that was.

Unbeknown to anyone else he had seen her. She was leaving the Bureau office the other day as he tried to summon up the courage to go on up and talk to her. She had come out with a couple of friends, and she looked as though she was completely at home, there was a sense of peace about her, and a confidence he had never seen before. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered. Even dressed in her sweats, ready for a run with Flack and Danny, she had never looked more beautiful. It was like he was seeing her for the first time. His heart dropped to his feet. He finally saw what everyone else did. He had always loved her, there was no doubting that, even she knew that. He had always thought she was beautiful, but it wasn't until that moment that he realised what James, his mother and even Hotch had tried so hard to explain to him. He finally saw her through the eyes that she had always longed for him to see her in, and he had never felt so foolish before in his life. Ashamed and frustrated with himself, Derek knew that he couldn't walk up to her and offer the words she had waited so long to hear, because it was too little too late. He owed her more than a mere apology for being too blind to see what was before him, to realise what he had searched long and hard for was there all along. It was her, it was his best friend. The person he trusted most in the world, and how he missed it, he would never be able to fathom.


	18. The real Penelope

In the middle of Dirty Dancing Penelope's phone interrupted their Patrick Swayze ogling. Recognizing the theme song from Ben 10 the girls grinned.

"Hey sweetheart, how was your finale?" Penelope greeted affectionately as she got up from the couch to take the call to let the girls watch in peace.  
"It was great Aunt P. Dad made it in time for when the curtains opened."  
"That's great honey. I'm sure he wouldn't have missed it for the world. Did you have dinner already?"  
"Not yet, we're driving home now. Grandma cooked fried chicken for dinner before we left."  
"Your favourite, aren't you spoiled?"  
"I know. Grandma is waving hello."  
"Tell Grandma I said hello and give her a huge hug from me okay."  
"I will Aunt P."  
"Thanks for letting me know how you went today. Aunt JJ and Aunt Em are here and we're having a slumber party so I better go. I'll call you tomorrow okay and we can go through your English assignment one more time."  
"Okay, give Aunt Em and Aunt Jayje a kiss for me."  
"I will do. Night honey."  
"Night Aunt P. Love you."  
"Love you too kiddo."

Penelope did not miss the exchange between her two friends as she hung up. She knew that James' phone call had given them an opening to a topic they had been trying to find a segue to.

"J sends his love and kisses."  
"Aww, I'm so bummed we weren't there for his play." Emily said as JJ paused Dirty Dancing.  
"He did so well. He took it so seriously. He's been parading around for weeks rehearsing his lines. He Skypes to go through scenes with me."  
"That's adorable."  
"So have you heard from him." JJ asked.  
"Nice segue Jayje. I thought you could have set it up better than that." Emily said dryly as she and Pen chuckled.  
"What? Close enough."  
"It so wasn't, but hey. To answer your question Jayje, no I have not heard from him at all. He left a message for me on my machine at home after I'd left already but nothing since, but there was nothing before that for weeks anyway. I don't expect to hear from him."  
"I don't get him." JJ muttered.  
"He's doing what he thinks is the right thing, with the way things evolved after the whole Daphne, James and Me thing, he's giving me space."  
"What did happen?" Emily asked gently. Penelope sighed and put the kettle on knowing it was going to be a long night. She began to tell them about James' little episode with Daphne when she had to go pick him up. She had never told them about the conversation between him and Derek that she had walked in on and how James had asked Derek why he and Penelope couldn't be together. She felt her friend's deep intake of breath when she had told them of his reaction and realised why she had been so hurt. How the realisation that he just didn't see her beyond Garcia, tore her to the core. Emily placed a hand on her friends shoulder,  
"Sorry Pen."  
"It's okay. I guess it's something I had always known, but it wasn't until that very moment did I realise that despite knowing that, I had held on to some hope that maybe, just maybe you know. The look of surprise in his face at J's words brought it all the way home, and something in me just switched off. I couldn't even pretend to be friends. I then realised just how much of my life is wrapped up in Derek Morgan, and that was fine when I had that false sense of hope, but when that was gone, there was no denying that I had buried myself into a hole willingly, and that when the time came for that person in his dreams to walk into his life, I would be left with nothing. That scared me."  
"Is that what New York is about?"  
"Yes, mostly. Mac is the only person left in this world who truly knows me. I don't mean that as in you guys don't know me, but Mac knew me before I was Garcia. He knew me as Penelope/Mags his sister's plump geeky best friend who battled with who she was all her life. Who eventually learned to love herself for who she was because she had three best friends who demanded nothing less that who she truly was in their presence. Mac, Vannah, and Sarah, they were my accountability people in every essence. We endured the worst moments of our lives that demanded nothing less than the absolute truth from each other. My parents were killed in a car accident about a year into college, and I went off the rails, Mac who looked out for all of us as little sisters, beyond his own little sister Savannah, was the one who found me when I went underground. He, his sister Vannah and our other friend Sarah brought me back to life so to speak. When I couldn't get out of bed there was not one minute that one of them was not either holding my hand as I lay in bed or stroking my hair, or just sitting with me on my bed. After graduation we lost Vannah in a car crash, which only strengthened the bond between the three of us. By this time Mac and Sarah were engaged, and the thought of getting married without Vannah was so hard that the three of us walked into City Hall and I was their witness as they got married. Mac and I lost Sarah in one of the Twin Towers in 9/11. Thankfully I was still living in New York at the time, and as soon as I heard I went straight to their apartment. Mac was glued to his TV, phone in one hand. She called, just before the collapse, we got to hear her voice, we got to tell her we loved her, and she told us how much she loved us, she made us promise to take care of one another, and then she was gone." Penelope wiped the tears that ran down her cheeks at the painful memory of her best friend. Emily and JJ were doing the same, their hearts breaking for their friend and it became clearer why she hid behind what they now identified as her Garcia persona.  
"I moved myself into Mac's apartment without a second thought, and we literally co existed for a few months till we forced each other out of our state of grief. Little by little we moved forward, slow but definitive steps. Mac got into the CSI and I got recruited to Quantico. We remained in touch and close. I come to New York for birthdays and anniversaries, he comes to Quantico for my real birthday."  
"Real birthday?"  
"The one of file is wrong, someone had made a mistake and I never really cared so I never changed it. It wasn't until the last few years ago after meeting you guys that it really mattered and by then you guys always got so excited that I never had the heart to bring it up and correct it."  
"Penelope!" JJ admonished as she laughed.  
"All my life, I have been scrutinized for being different and when I came to Quantico, I was still grieving, and it was easier to hide behind the quirkiness, when I saw that it worked, I took comfort in it, and embraced it. It felt like no one could hurt me behind the Garcia I portrayed. When things were beginning to go down a spiral with Derek, the more I found myself hiding behind the persona that I hadn't quite used in awhile, at least within the team, and when I came here all those months ago, it was Mac and Stella who knocked me on my ass to remind me who I was, that I needed to remember for myself who that was."  
"So much of my world and my happiness was wrapped up in Morgan, in that little boy that was never going to be mine, and the thought that someone else was going to be able to walk in and take away what I had grown to love, and what I had nurtured, made me sick to my stomach. I had to go. I had to get out of there. I miss you guys, and you know how much I love you all, I just needed to not be at Quantico."  
"For how long Pen?" JJ asked the eternal question.  
"I don't know Jayje. I promised to stay till Angie came back, and I promised Hotch I would return the moment she does, but I don't know. Being here, I've never felt more myself, alive. There's no room for pretending, I'm just me, whoever me is that's evolving right now. I am surrounded by people who constantly challenge me, to the point of annoying to just be me, and because of that, I have never loved myself more than I do right now. In a non conceited kind of way of course."

Both and JJ had seen the difference in their friend the first moment she had opened the door. Even the way she stood was different. There was a confidence and sense of peace about her that they had never really been privy to. Penelope was the giver in their friendship, in their team, she heard all about their stories and their struggles, but they seldom if ever heard about hers, and as she gave them a brief account of her life, it was easy to understand why. It wasn't as though she pretended to be a different person to them, she just chose not to divulge a very private part of her past, and if they were honest they never really drilled her for her part of the story, as she was always the one trying to pick up the pieces or their lives.


	19. I choose me

It was after three in the morning by the time her friends had fallen asleep, and just as she was putting their tea mugs in the sink her phone beeped discreetly. Penelope smiled knowingly, not at all surprised that Stella had camped out at Mac's till they knew all was well. Instead of texting back to Mac's not so subtle 'How was it?' Penelope quietly let herself out of her apartment and crossed over to Mac's where Stella and Mac were waiting for her on the couch with a steaming mug of Hot Chocolate.

"You sure know your way to a girl's heart." She stated taking the Hot Chocolate from Mac as she dropped a kiss on both their heads before sinking in the space between them on the couch.  
"Looks like you lived to tell no worse for wear" Mac observed.  
"I really did. I told them about what happened, and they asked if that was the reason why I ran to New York, and I said Yes. I said that I needed to regain who I've forgotten I was and being here, being surrounded by you guys leaves no room for hiding behind any facades, that in my heart despite my love for Virginia, this will always be home. After all the memories, and everything that's happened here, this is my safe place. You guys are my safe place, and though it may not be forever, this is where I need to be right now. That this time for myself is more important than anything else." She said before taking a long sip of her hot chocolate and throwing her head back on Mac's couch looking up at the ceiling.  
"I saw him yesterday." She admitted in a whisper.  
"What?" Mac and Stella said in unison.  
"Actually, I think I've been seeing him for days. A couple of days ago, I went to pick up our mail down stairs after I got back from Virginia and I could have sworn the SUV that drove by had him in it. I choked it up to my imagination, perhaps subconscious missing him, which I haven't quite curbed just yet, and then down at the markets that evening I thought I saw him in the corner of my eye and when I turned he was gone. But yesterday just as Flack, Danny and I were heading out for our usual afternoon run, I saw the SUV and I knew it was him. He just sat there in the SUV staring. He didn't realise I spotted him from inside the building, he waited till we headed for the park before he drove off. As if this little saga wasn't dramatic enough."  
"What do you think that means?" Stella asked.  
"That he's missing something that's been a part of his life, and he's looking to get it back."  
"And,"  
"It's not enough."  
"Enough?" Mac questioned  
"He wants his best friend back. His faithful side kick. The person who knows him best in the world. He misses me for all the wrong reasons, well reasons that aren't the right ones for me. He's had years to process his feelings for me. I may look a little different, there may be something different in me, but I've always been me, and if he didn't see that before, that's okay, but I want more than a delayed reaction. I deserve more than a delayed reaction. I may have hidden behind Garcia, but I have always been me with him despite the cost, and that's what hurts the most."  
"Would it be inappropriate to say I'm proud of you Mags?" Mac said as Penelope looked up at him shaking her head with a smile before placing her head on his shoulder.  
"Thanks." Before any of them could say anything further Penelope's phone began to buzz on the coffee table where she had placed it as she sat on the couch. Curiously she grabbed it and her brow wrinkled in worry,  
"It's J."  
"J, honey what's wrong?"  
"Hey P, it's Derek."  
"What happened?" she asked in a panic that Stella and Mac sat up  
"It's J Pen, he had a seizure, we're at the hospital now and they're sending him for some tests. I'm sorry to call, but I figured you'd want to be here. I know he'd want you to be here."  
"I'll be right there. You tell him I'll be there as fast as I can."  
"Okay, be careful driving P."  
"I will thanks." Penelope who was already on her feet turned to Mac and Stella.  
"J's had a seizure and they've taken him to the hospital and they're doing tests now. I have to go. I have to be there."  
"Mags, I'll drive you."  
"We'll both go with you." Stella assured her.  
"Go get changed, I'll let the girls know. Mac, we'll take your SUV." Penelope nodded as she headed straight to her room to change and throw a few things in an overnight bag. By the time she came out Emily and JJ were awake, changed and ready to go. Emily was on the phone to Hotch who agreed that there was no point in waking Reid and Rossi, that they would just follow in a few hours. Hotch insisted they take the jet, while he made arrangements with Mac to pick up his SUV and drive it to Virginia. Within the hour they were on the jet on the way back to Virginia and the five of them were in the hospital in no time. Fran stood to her feet and collapsed into Penelope's arms from worry and exhaustion. She had tried to hold it together to for Derek, but seeing Penelope allowed her to crumble.  
"Hey he's a tough kid, he'll be fine. Have they come out yet?" Penelope asked rubbing Fran's back soothingly, while Derek shook his head stoically. Emily and JJ stood by his side trying to offer him comfort through their presence but it was Penelope's eyes that brought him the comfort that he needed. For the moment their issues were pushed aside and she was offering him reassurance the only way she allowed herself to, unspoken words, no physical contact.  
"Mr and Mrs Morgan? The doctor said as he came out looking right at Penelope and Derek who were standing beside each other. Derek did not miss how Penelope stiffened at the Doctor's words.  
"I'm Doctor Taylor, I'm James' specialist and have been since he was diagnosed a few years ago. James is fine, it was a mild seizure and we're just monitoring him."

They were all aware of James' epilepsy. For the very reason that he may have a seizure in their presence, they would know what to do. James was diagnosed with epilepsy only a few years ago, and for the most part it didn't affect him, as long as he was diligent with his medication.

"Do we know the cause of his seizure?" Penelope asked finally speaking.  
"Nothing specific. It could be too much excitement, stress, tiredness, lack of sleep. In saying that, you can't protect him from his seizures. They will come and go and as long as you are all well educated in how to handle those seizures, it is nothing to worry about. He's young, and he's an active little boy, and he needs to remain as normal as possible. James knows himself and knows when he can feel a seizure coming. He'll be able to tell you when he thinks one is creeping up. I've put together the information you'll need, read through it, familiarise yourself with it, the chances are you won't really need it, but it's handy to have." There was a collective sigh of relief in the room.  
"Can we see him?" Penelope piped up.  
"Of course. You must be Aunt P." the doctor said with a smile.  
"Yes,"  
"He talks of you very fondly. If you, Mr Morgan, and Grandma Fran would like to follow me I'll take you to his room." Dr Taylor led them through the Children's Wing, and Penelope's heart crumbled at the sight of her little man lying on the hospital bed looking so small.

"Aunt P you came." James grinned weakly reaching his arms out to her,  
"Of course I did Little Man. How are you feeling? You gave us all a scare Kiddo."  
"I'm fine. I'm sorry I scared you. I haven't had a seizure in ages, so I thought I had imagined that feeling that usually comes. Sorry Grams I know I scared you."  
"As long as you're okay. That's all that matters." Fran said wrapping her arms around her grandson.  
"Hey Buddy, you almost gave me a heart attack." Derek said giving his child a fierce hug.  
"You scared me. I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."  
"I'm okay Dad, I promise."

After everyone had seen James, Penelope had convinced Fran to go home for a few hours. Mac and Stella were going home to Penelope's apartment, taking JJ and Emily home along their way. Derek had taken Fran home while James fell asleep in Penelope's arms as she sat on his bed leaning against his head board. Derek arrived less than an hour later to find both Penelope and James asleep. Derek stood by the door and watched them for awhile. He and Penelope needed to talk, he knew that, but he wasn't quite sure how to say what he needed to say. How would he even begin to apologise? Penelope stirred and opened her eyes to see him staring intently at her as she slept. Penelope straightened up and carefully released herself from James' grasp.

"P, you think we could talk for a minute?" he asked as she let out a deep breath knowing she couldn't quite postpone the inevitable.  
"Sure, why don't we grab a coffee downstairs, somehow I don't think this is a conversation we should be having in James' presence, conscious or not." Derek nodded following close behind as she led them out of there. Coffee on hand they sat outside the court yard, the sky was brightening as the promise of the sun was to come shortly.  
"I'm sorry P. For I don't even know where to begin."  
"Begin where you think you should." She replied quietly not offering him an easy way out.  
"For being such an ass, for not seeing what everyone else saw."  
"You can't apologise for something you can't see Derek. It wasn't exactly your fault that you don't feel those feelings for me."  
"But I do P." Penelope let out another deep breath and closed her eyes before turning to face him.  
"No you don't Derek. You love me, I have no doubts about that. I'm your best friend, after everything we have been through, it's only natural that you miss me. You and I have always had this special connection, one that even we could never define. For me I thought it was that 'I can't eat, I can't sleep, over the ball park' kind of love, it had all the elements you know. We loved each other, we respected each other, we had the same values, whatever, the one thing that was missing was that you don't feel the same way, and it's taken these last couple of months for me to realise, that's okay. I can live with that. This is me, and for the first time I don't' feel like I need to apologise for who I am. Someday I believe that person is going to walk into my life and he is going to sweep me off my feet, because I deserve that. I deserve to be more than an afterthought. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I had convinced you into a relationship with me out of fear. Nor do I want to be a sudden revelation to you. You've had years to process your feelings for me Derek, and I've always been me to you. The weight I dropped, that's just part of the confidence I already had in me. A confidence that somewhere down the line, I had forgotten I had. My whole life has revolved around you the last few years, and that's not your fault, that was mine. You have become such an important part of my life that I had forgotten where your life ended and mine began. I'm sharing your son for goodness sake, and though I love him more than I ever thought I could love a human being outside giving birth to them, one day the girl of your dreams is going to walk into your life, and I won't even have any rights to him, and I will lose him, as I would have lost you eventually. I love you Derek, in that I want to be with you for the rest of my life kind of way, but clearly that is not a sentiment you share, and though I appreciate you trying to say it is, let's get real. I'm a big girl, I can handle the truth, and the truth is, things have to change between us. I don't want 'THIS' anymore. Whatever 'THIS' is. All it does is confuses things, and that may have been alright before, but not when we have James to consider. He doesn't need blurred lines, he's had enough to deal with without getting into the firing line of this. So I'm going to talk to Hotch, and I'm going to make it official."  
"P No!" Derek said desperately. Penelope stood to her feet and dropped a final kiss to his forehead.  
"I really loved you you know, enough to scare the living daylights out of me. I pray that you will find the person that will make you feel what I felt, and that she feels exactly the same way. You deserve that Dirk. I truly believe you do." Just as she was about to walk off he had grabbed her hand,  
"But I do love you."  
"I know you do, but we both know not in that way I want you to, and as the cliché goes, sometimes it's just not enough to love someone. I want more, I deserve more." She gave his hand one last squeeze before making her way back to James' room.


	20. New Beginnings

By the time Penelope got back James had started stirring. His eyes immediately skimmed the room  
"I'm here Kiddo." Penelope said softly. James looked up as she stood from the chair beside his bed.  
"Hey Aunt P." James caught the look in her eye.  
"You've made a decision haven't you?" he said dropping his gaze to his sheets.  
"I did Baby." She said clearing her throat standing up to take his hand in hers.  
"So you are leaving me, just like she did."  
"I'm leaving Virginia kiddo, not you."  
"Same difference." He replied looking away.  
"I'm really sorry you got caught in the middle of this honey. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I love you more than you could possibly ever imagine, and I know you can't see that right now, but I really really do. I know you're angry, and I am sorry, but I am still only a phone call away, and if you want I can still come and see you, just name the time and I will be here. I promise you!" James shrugged his shoulders not saying a word.  
"I'll come and see you before I leave today okay?"  
"What for?" James answered angrily finally looking into her eyes,  
"If only to prove to you that regardless how much you might hate me right now, I still love you and you don't scare me off that easily. You can be the biggest brat on the planet and that won't ever stop me from loving you. This is a two way street James. You and I have always been friends first and I have always been honest with you. We can make this work if you want to make it work, if you don't, well I will have to live with that, but I I'm standing here right now telling you that I will always be here for you, and I will always love you. It's your choice what you want to do with that." Penelope cupped his cheek with her hand as she spoke and dropped a kiss on his temple before walking away as she brushed the tears from her eyes. James watched till she had turned the corner, everything in him wanted to call her back, tell her he knew she loved him and that he couldn't love her more if she were his mother, but that Morgan pride kicked in, as it always did at the most inopportune times for the Morgan men.

Just as she was about to hail a cab Hotch had driven in the drop off bay. Rossi and Reid had jumped off Mac's SUV and greeted her with a hug.  
"He's fine, awake and ready for visitors, go on up."  
"Are you not staying?"  
"No, I'm going to grab a couple of hours sleep. I'll catch you guys later."  
"I'll drop you home Penelope." Penelope noted that it wasn't an offer but a statement and at that point she couldn't help but be scared of his reaction. His opinion meant so much to her, and approval even more so. Penelope nodded climbing into the passenger seat and the ride was only quiet for a moment,  
"I've made a decision Aaron,"  
"You're calling me by my first name, that can't be good." He tried to joke as she let out a small smile,  
"You knew what I was going to choose didn't you?" she asked  
"I am a profiler Penelope, more than that, I'd like to think we're friends. I may have hated that you've had to leave, but I can see the fruits of your departure. The change in you, I haven't seen you this happy in a long time. I have never seen you more confident of yourself than what you are right now, and if it means you're in New York to keep you happy, and content as much as I already miss you, I can't, no, I won't stand in your way. You deserve this, and from what I hear along the grapevine, CSI knows what a jewel they've found in you. Taylor and Bonesera certainly knew what they had, and I guess Penelope if for one moment you thought that I didn't know, or if it seemed it took a lifetime for us to figure it out… I'm sorry." Hotch said clearing his throat. Penelope placed a hand on her boss' arm.  
"Thank you Hotch, that means a lot coming from you."

Penelope arrived to find Stella asleep on one side of her bed while Mac was passed out on her couch. She headed straight for her bathroom and soaked into a hot bath closing her eyes letting the last 24 hours drown in the pool of water that surrounded her. She felt at peace about her decision, she knew it was the right one. As she sat in the tub she mentally packed up her apartment, though there was not much left, and what was left could fit into Mac's SUV and the rest were furniture she was happy to part with. She would be packed and ready for her new life by that afternoon, and that afternoon she would be going home with Mac and Stella, home to New York.

Derek wasn't surprised to find Penelope gone by the time he got back to his son's room. Rossi and Reid were sitting on the chairs beside his bed as James looked seemingly asleep, but Derek had learned to read his son well in the last months since he had come to live with him, even more so after Penelope had left, and knew that James was awake and that Penelope had told him that she was leaving for good. His heart went out to him knowing just how much he loved Penelope.

Mac and Stella awoke to find that Penelope had packed up the rest of her belongings, though there truly wasn't much left as she had started taking bits and pieces with her in each of her trips as though subconsciously she knew. Stella and Mac exchanged a look knowing that in the little time they had spent apart major events had unfolded.

"I'm coming home, for good." Was all she said as she looked up at them. Mac took a few steps and gathered her in his arms as she allowed herself for the first time feel the weight of her decision, what it truly meant. What she was truly leaving behind. Penelope began to shake in his arms as she cried, mourning for what was lost, and what she still had to lose. Stella quietly made a pot of tea for them as Mac tried to soothe her.  
"It's the right thing to do, I know that, but why does it feel like a part of me has died?"  
"Because your heart still belongs here Mags, that doesn't go away just because you will it to. You're waiting for him to convince you that it's you, because deep down you still want him."  
"Do you think I'm running away?"  
"I think a part of you is, but I also believe that you know you have to move on with your life, instead of riding behind someone else's. I think for the first time you like who you are, and that you achieved that on your own. I think it scares you to part from Derek because it means you have to stand by the person you've become without safety nets, from here on out your decisions are your decisions, and as scary as that is Mags, you're ready. Your move to New York doesn't have to be forever, and what's right now may not be right a few seasons down the track, as long as you take this season and you run with it, and do what you can with it, there's no room for regret. Look at how far you've come Mags. Look at the decisions you're making because they're right for you. It's hard yes, but everything new is hard. Change in itself is hard. If you realise somewhere down the road that the decisions you've made are wrong, you have the power to make them right."  
"Mac's right Pen. You have grown so much in the last couple of months. There's a sense of ownership, pride and confidence in you that you've always run away from. For the first time since I've known you, you've finally embraced that. When we first met you were confident, and you trusted yourself, and what I've seen you learn these last couple of months is not only did you regain that trust in yourself you started believing in yourself, that you could have more and anything less would be settling, and that's what I'm so proud of. You're finally starting to see yourself as we've always seen you, and what we expect for you." Stella said as she sat down in front of them on the coffee table handing each of them a mug of tea. Penelope nodded appreciating their canter.

Penelope gave up on the idea of sleep knowing she was going to more than likely pass out the moment they got in the car to head home. She dropped a text to Emily, JJ, Reid, Rossi and Hotch inviting them to lunch. Mac and Stella had loaded the SUV with the rest of Penelope's belongings, and before they left for lunch they left her alone to say goodbye to her apartment and all of the memories that lived in her apartment. The countless pizza's consumed, pints of ice cream devoured, the hours spent baring their hearts and souls, leaving out the most important detail of all. As she stood by the door at her bare apartment, she could hear the echoes of the ghosts that once lived there. The friendships that had blossomed. Taking one last glance, she took a picture with her heart of those memories that she knew would somehow live in her forever.

She had arranged to meet Emily and JJ earlier than the others, so that she could tell them first. As part of their sister solidarity, she felt like she owed them that much. Mac and Stella had gone off under the false pretence of shopping for something that Emily and JJ didn't quite buy but went with it.

"I've decided to stay in New York. Angie is looking to extend her maternity leave, and they're happy to keep me on board, and I do love it." JJ and Emily looked at each other and back at her with a look of disbelief on their face.  
"It's not even about the job, or New York or even Derek. I just know that this isn't the place for me anymore and I don't want to force something that isn't meant to be."  
"Are you sure about this Pen?" Em asked not wanting her friend to go, but also not willing to stop her if it was what she wanted.  
"Yeah Em it is. For now, I know it's where I'm meant to be. Who knows in a few months? I've been putting off travel for so long, I may actually seriously consider that as an option. Jayje?" Pen said looking at her other friend who had remained silent.  
"How is it so easy for you to leave us like that and never look back."  
"Jayje, it's anything but easy."  
"Then why? Is this because of Derek?"  
"No this isn't just about Derek, it's about finally knowing what I want, and the BAU minus the people in it, is something I don't want anymore. I was never trained the way you guys were, seeing all the horrible things we see, they still haunt me, and I don't want them haunting me anymore. This is what you guys love to do. I've never loved it like you do. I never have. Yes I was good at it, but honestly, half the time I did what I did so I know that you guys will always come back to me."

Shortly after the boys had joined them at the restaurant, from the look on JJ's face Hotch knew that she had not taken the news well. When Penelope had told Reid and Rossi, they too were not surprised. Least of all Rossi who could see the complete transformation in Penelope and how it benefited her. How she had become her own person outside Garcia their tech analyst. Just as Hotch was, he too was proud of her and couldn't wait to see how her life was about to unfold.

All in all it was a nice lunch. Penelope noted the JJ had thawed shortly after Aaron had discreetly asked her to assist him with something,

"I know you're mad at her Jayje, but you need to see it from where she's coming from. Look at her, can you honestly say that asking her to stay would be for her and not for us? She's happier than she's ever been. She believes in herself and she finally knows that she is worth far more than she's ever given herself credit for. More than even we've given her credit for. Mac, Stella, New York, they've coaxed her out of her shelf and brought out the best in her and made her see herself through their eyes. I'm ashamed to say it but I never did that. Out of everyone in this team she is the one I nurtured the least because she was so busy nurturing everyone else that I made myself believe she didn't need to be nurtured. I took her for granted and the only thing I can give her is my blessing, its the one thing she's seeking from me. Let her go Jayje, she deserves to embrace what's ahead for her."

Many hugs and promises to stay in touch, Mac, Stella and Penelope made their way to the hospital. Penelope knew that they had a window. Derek had gone home for a couple of hours while Fran stayed with James.

Stella, Fran and Mac stood outside the door as Penelope went to James' bedside. James who was watching TV kept his eye on the screen above his head ignoring her presence as best he could, his resolve fast diminishing.

"You know how to reach me if you need me, though you may not believe me right now. I love you. I really do Kid. Bye baby." she said bending down to wrap her arms around him one last time. The tears welled and Penelope gave it a few more seconds before she let him go, as she did she felt her heart shatter at the thought of leaving him mad at her and possibly not seeing him for a long time. James closed his eyes and bit his lower lip trying to control his emotions, this was it, she was saying goodbye, the person who loved him so unconditionally the moment they met. The person whose love he never had to question. He wanted to cling to her and never let go, but he couldn't. Unable to look back Penelope walked out of his hospital room and could barely keep upright to say her goodbye to Fran,

"Thank you for everything Fran." Fran clung to Penelope, having seen her as nothing less than a daughter losing her was painful.

"You keep in touch you hear me."

"Of course. Thank you for everything . You have no idea what that has meant to me having you in my life."

"It was a pleasure and a privilege. I love you. I will always be here for you."

"I love you too Fran. Take care of them. They're stubborn and obstinate but you know that better than anyone."

"Don't I know it."

Penelope gave her a small smile and signalled for Mac and Stella that she was ready to go. They gave Fran a small wave and headed for the lifts, just as the doors opened someone yelled her name,

"Aunt P..." Penelope turned to find James running towards her. She dropped to her knees to receive him as he flung his arms around her neck,

"I love you too." he murmured softly. His grip only tightened as she stood up with her arms still wrapped around him.

"I know you have to go, I'm sorry about this morning. I'm just going to miss you Aunt P,"

"I'm going to miss you too Kiddo, but same rules apply, if you need me I'll be here in a heartbeat. I promise." Mac, Stella and Frantically watched their heartbreaking exchange. Penelope held James in her arms for awhile before reluctantly handing him back to Fran,

"I'll call you the moment I get back to New York. You take care of Gramma and Daddy ok?"

"I will, I promise." Penelope gave Fran and James one last hug before she, Stella and Mac finally got on the elevator.

Derek had promised his mother that he would go home and rest for a couple of hours. After taking a shower he headed to Penelope's. He wasn't quite sure what to say or how to convince her that his feelings weren't just a whim. He knocked to find no one answering. He pulled out his keys and gasped to find her apartment empty. Not a trace of her in sight. After she had first left he found himself coming over to her apartment, sitting on her couch, lying on her bed, trying to immerse himself in her lingering presence, but with the exception of her faint smell in the room, nothing remained. He walked over to her bedroom and froze to see a box on her stripped bed. From the doorway he could see her favourite hooded jumper that she had long since confiscated from him. As he went through the box he found several items he had given her, stuffed animals, letters, perfume, books, their entire friendship had somehow fit in that box. Every trace of him in her life she had carefully placed in that box to return it to him. As he held the white gold cross and chain that he had given her after she was shot, he knew that she was gone. That she had left him behind to move on with the rest of her life and it burned. The ache in his heart was crippling. Derek took the jumper and held it close, he could still smell her. He lay on her bed hugging the jumper to his face unable to comprehend that she had left.


	21. The Talk

As painful as it was to leave Quantico, James, and her friends there was no doubt in Penelope's mind that it was the right thing to do. Exhausted Penelope left her boxes in the corner and collapsed on her couch. They had arrived the night before and after unloading the car the three of them ordered Chinese and watched a DVD while they ate and talked.

Earlier that morning Penelope went for a long run in Central Park and sat in the shower for a good half hour before slipping into her jeans and sweater. With a book in hand she was ready to spend the day reading.

A knock on her door woke her from her trance as she reluctantly rolled off her comfortable couch to answer the door, thinking it was Donnie who promised to drop off her dry cleaning that she forgot in his car. She contemplated on what to do for lunch as she opened the door. Penelope dropped her book as she came face to face with Derek.

"What are you doing here?" she stammered.  
"You didn't even say goodbye P. You hate me that much?" Penelope sighed.  
"I don't hate you Dirk, you frustrate me to no end, you make me mad, but I've never hated you. Come in," she said ushering him into her humble abode. With the exception of the neatly stacked boxes in the corner he saw that Penelope was completely moved in. Her one bedroom apartment was completely lived in with little trinkets, photos and frames that made it Penelope. There was a collection of framed artwork that he recognised as his sons on the feature wall behind the TV.  
"Can I get you a drink?" she offered as he shook his head.  
"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. After our conversation at the hospital there didn't seem to be a point. We would only end up going in circles Derek. All that needed to be said, was said."  
"And this?" he said hurt holding up the necklace in his hand. Penelope flinched. She loved that cross, she never took it off, a fact they were both aware of.  
"It hurt too much to keep it."  
"So you gave it all back? Like you didn't want to keep any part of it at all. Like it meant nothing at all? Pen you put it in a box,"  
"I just couldn't be surrounded by reminders, it was hard enough without them, I don't need them to remember you or us. Derek my whole world revolved around you for years, do you honestly think I need stuffed animals, and trinkets to remember you by?"  
"P, you were wrong and you'll have to let me finish. You had your say, let me have mine." Penelope merely nodded knowing saying No was not an option.  
"You and I have been best friends for what six years?"  
"More or less." She answered realizing that perhaps it was a rhetorical question.  
"From the moment I called you Gomez, we have been friends. We had this amazing rapport, we clicked and just got each other. You had and have this innate ability to read me and see right through me. No one has ever been able to do that, my mother at times, but even then few and far between, not even my sisters, past relationships, no one. It made you invaluable, I knew there was no other person in this world like you. So I protected it, I put you on this shelf of untouchable, for the fear of losing it was inconceivable. Yes, I admit that I have never considered and I know that was hurtful to you, but it's not for the reasons you think. It's not because I don't find you attractive, or I've never felt that kind of attraction to you. I'm a man Penelope and you're beautiful." Penelope rolled her eyes involuntarily,  
"Don't P, hear me out. Don't project your warped sense of self on me and just hear what I'm saying."  
"Fine, go on…" Penelope grumbled. Derek realized he could have worded it better but thankful it worked.  
"You're amazing P, you're beautiful, you're smart, and you're the most compassionate person I know. You have the biggest heart known to man, and I have been lucky enough to be in the front row of your life. Sharing my every day with you has meant the world to me, and selfishly, I never wanted to change that. So I boxed you in, held you up on a pedestal. I called you Goddess, and meant it in every way possible. I never considered an US, because I couldn't see what you would want in me. I'm a commitment phobic player who has had a past. I never thought of you that way because I have always believed you deserve better. I've never had a long term relationship because there hasn't been anyone that I've wanted to spend my life time with, so I go on date after date looking for the one, and what I've come to realize is that I've been a blind moron, because she's been standing beside me for years. It's you P, it's always been you and I am sorry it took so long for me to realize." Penelope was in a state of shock, his face and his eyes vouched for his sincerity she knew that despite the time it took for him to realize it, he felt it. Yet it wasn't that easy to be elated to hear the words she had waited to hear for far too long.  
"Derek, I don't quite know what to say here, or how to feel. I mean, had I heard this eight months ago, totally different story, but now, all these months later, and being away, it's just not that simple. I have a whole life finally outside the realms of this world that we had managed to create and live in. I finally know who I am, and I actually like who I am, which was never your fault. You were such an easy target to blame for my insecurities, and how did you put it, my warped sense of self. You may have thought, or even think that I am some fabulous person, but I have never seen that person you described earlier, until recently. Being here, has totally taught me to see myself differently. To see past what I can see. It's not just about loving you anymore Derek. I have loved you for as long as I can remember, and quite frankly the idea of going back to that scares me. Loving you scares me." She said softly and honestly looking into his eyes allowing him to see her vulnerability. Derek tucked a lose strand of hair that fell out of her ponytail behind her ear and held her face gently in his hand, looking right into her eyes.  
"I just want a chance P. I'm not asking you to move back to Quantico, to give up the life you've made here. I'm not even asking you to go back as we once were. What I am asking for is a chance to get to know this new part of your life, for us to start from the beginning, to get to know each other again. No boundaries, no filters, complete honesty. We give this a fair go. If it doesn't work, at least we were willing to give it a chance. I want to be a part of your every day world and I want you to be a part of mine. If it means we're doing it by weekend visits, daily phone calls, Skype and text messages, so be it. I'm willing to do that, I want you to want that too. I want to know that you want this as much as I do that you're willing to give this a go, that despite how scared you are, you're going to gamble. P, what do we have to lose? I've already lived through the worst months of my life at the thought of losing you. Please P, let's give this a go." Tears began to roll down her cheeks as Derek brought his forehead cupping her face with both hands.  
"Please P." he pleaded eyes boring to hers.  
"Damn you Derek Morgan." She muttered as he chuckled hoping that he had broken her resolve,  
"Does that mean you're willing to do this with me?" he asked.  
"Yes, but be warned. It's not going to be easy, and I will more than likely pick a fight every chance I get."  
"I'm up for the challenge. Permission to hug you." He requested with that famous Derek Morgan smile that always made her knees weak. Penelope rolled her eyes,  
"Permission denied. I know your moves Dirk." Penelope answered with a chuckle getting up from the couch.  
"Ouch," Derek replied with a laugh, just as he was about to plead his case a knock came on the door.

"Your dry cleaning my lady." Flack greeted as she opened the door.  
"Hey Don, thank you so much! As you would notice you are carrying my work appropriate attire. Without it I would have to go to work in jeans." Penelope said as she hugged him hello, not at all oblivious to the web of jealousy that she knew Derek was weaving from her couch.  
"Well there is your jogging outfit that we all love."  
"Very funny Flack. Come in for a moment, I want to introduce you to a friend of mine." Doing as he was told Flack came in and hung up Penelope's dry cleaning in her closet. Derek had noted that Flack knew exactly where he was going and there was a sense of comfortableness he exuded as he confidently strolled to where Derek was holding his hand out.

"Donnie Flack, NYPD."  
"Derek Morgan, BAU."  
"The famous Derek Morgan?" Donnie asked with his eyebrows raised. Penelope came from behind Donnie and gave the back of his head a light tap.  
"You're obnoxious and you may now leave." Derek stifled a laugh as Donnie rubbed the back of his head.  
"What?"  
"I'll see you tomorrow Don, same time, same place. If you're thinking of what I think you are thinking, you can forget it. I am turning my phone off, and you and Danny can rot."  
"Aww Pen, I am hurt."  
"You'll live my friend. Now get out of my apartment." Donnie grinned and dropped a kiss on Penelope's cheek before giving Derek a quick wave. Just as she had locked her door her phone began to ring,  
"Unbelievable…" she muttered good naturedly as she grabbed the phone and turned it off without answering.


	22. Progress

So it began, Derek's quest to woo and sweep one Penelope Garcia off her feet. After staying the rest of the day upon his visit, simply hanging out together, his hope was ignited and his determination only strengthened. After having lunch they took a walk to Central Park, and when they got back Mac had returned from a day in the office, and was more than a little surprised to see them walk through the door as he was leaving a message for Penelope on the fridge.

"Oh hey, I was just leaving you a note about dinner, but you can ignore it. Derek, it was nice seeing you again. Mags, I'll be off." Mac said with a smile dropping a kiss to her temple as he headed straight out not exactly waiting for a response.  
"Subtle isn't he?" Penelope said with a shake of the head.  
"Do you want a drink?" she asked as she pulled the note from her fridge and skimmed its contents with a chuckle.  
"Water would be great. So Mac?"  
"Keeps me fed, and alive. He's awesome. He was one of my college best friend's brother, and soon became one of mine. You know all this."  
"I do, but I kind of feel like you've only ever given me the abridged version." He replied.  
"Okay, well as you know, he was Vannah's brother, and because they had lost their parents early on and had only their grandparents growing up, they were real tight and looked out for one another. Mac moved to LA while we were in college so they wouldn't have to be apart, which worked well to our advantage because he was forever the bodyguard. You think you're protective, Mackenzie Taylor gives you a run for your money. Vannah never really had close girlfriends growing up, so when she, Sarah and I ended up room mates and totally gelled, Kenz took it upon himself to look out for all three of us." Penelope paused,  
"I never really told you this, but it was Kenz who found me underground, and Vannah, Sarah and Kenz were the one's who got me back on my feet. They saved me Dirk. They really did." Derek placed a hand over hers and gave it a squeeze.  
"Anyways, shortly after graduation we lost Vannah, and in the 9/11 we lost Sar. Mac and I have had the worst moments of our life intertwined for over a decade, there's a kinship that exists between us a result, and he's my family." Derek knew that was her way of giving him a disclaimer, that Mac Taylor was a no go zone when it came to his jealousy.

From the moment she had agreed to give them a chance, Derek was in form. He was determined to prove to her that he was worthy of her love and trust. He called her when he made a pit stop on the way home from his visit, and again after he arrived. He called every morning without fail, and more often than not throughout the day, and not a night passed that he didn't wish her good night. Randomly he would send her gifts, for no apparent reason, usually they were unconventional, a bouquet of cookies, a bouquet of pens, a 3D puzzle of Quantico, more of James' drawings. Between the two Morgan men, she was being swept off her feet. Mac and Stella watched in appreciative amusement knowing that Penelope's greatest hopes and desires were at her fingertips and they commended her for her ability to keep head in place despite the wooing. It was weeks of phone conversations, text messages and emails. On the week that Derek and James were due to visit, they were called away on a case so Penelope had made the trip to Virginia to spend time with James. Much to Derek's dismay, the case did not finish in time for him to make it back before she had left for New York.

"Hey Baby, are you home?" he asked. Penelope smiled,  
"I am. I have literally just walked through the front door." She resisted from pointing out that they were on the phone less than an hour ago and she had told him she would be home soon.  
"You guys getting ready to go home?" he had called her earlier to tell her that the case was finally broken and they would be on their way home shortly. Unfortunately by then Penelope was well into her drive back to New York.  
"Yeah, I'm sorry I missed you P."  
"Me too, but there'll be other weekends." She tried reassuring him, but could her his despondent sigh on the other line.  
"J is really looking forward to you coming home. He's been working on a project all weekend for you. He felt so bad that you had to work that he wanted to do something to make you feel better."  
"That's so sweet. How was he?"  
"He was great. We gave Grandma Fran a day off on Saturday. Sent her to a Day Spa while the kid and I went to the Carnival and rode the rollercoaster most of the day. By the way you're son is impressive, five hot dogs one sitting."  
"Growing boy." Derek answered proudly as she chuckled.  
"That he is, at this rate he is going to be taller than me the next time I see him." They talked till it was time to board the jet and he promised to call when he got home as he always did.

Penelope was unpacking when a knock came to her door. She opened it to find Stella and Mac standing there with bags filled with Chinese food.  
"Where's the army?" she asked good naturedly looking behind them as she kissed them both hello as they entered.  
"We couldn't quite decide what to get so we got a bit of everything. How was the drive back?" Mac asked,  
"Not too bad. Traffic wasn't as horrific as I thought it would be. All in all it was a nice and quite chilled drive back. What did you guys get up to today? When we spoke last night you were contemplating on a hike."  
"Yeah, we sort of skipped that and went to Paint Ball with Donnie and Danny."  
"No way, I missed out." Penelope said disappointedly.  
"Any excuse to aim at Donnie." Stella replied with a chuckle while Penelope agreed with a nod.

The three of them caught up on their weekend activities. Penelope had admitted that a part of her was relieved that Derek couldn't be there, that as much as she missed him, she wasn't quite ready for them to play the happy family as yet. That it was nice to have some time with James just hanging out, that she didn't want to define them as a threesome, that she had a separate relationship with James outside her relationship with Derek. Though she was enjoying the opportunity on getting to know him on a different level, she was still weary of him, and Derek knew it.

Stella and Penelope were getting dessert ready while Mac washed up when the home phone rang, without having to guess all three of them knew it would be Derek.

"Heya, you home safe?" she greeted.  
"Just driving home now,"  
"You okay?" she asked worriedly, it was another tough child related case and Derek had learned first hand the struggle that Hotch went through every time. It affected them all before, but it was different when you had your own child to think of. To think that something that horrendous could be inflicted on any child, let along your own. It made one want to pick up their child and never let go.  
"Yeah, just looking forward to seeing J."  
"He's looking forward to seeing you too. Spend some time with him, it'll help. Just remember Dirk what you're doing, as hard and as heart breaking as it is, you're ensuring that you put one more bad guy away, and it makes J's world that little bit safer."  
"Thanks P."  
"No problem. Drive safe call me later if you need to talk."  
"I will. Thanks Baby Girl."

Penelope hung up and tried to shake her worry away. There was a part of her that wished she had stayed behind to make sure he was okay, but it wasn't till she was driving back did he divulge case details. Mac read the look of worry on her face.

"Everything okay?"  
"Their last case was a child molestation, the guy owned a summer camp and his victims were children that went to the camp. He'd spend the summer torturing them and he killed a few of them at the end of the summer, because the kids were signed off to their destinations, the parents assumed they were kidnapped in transit. He picked the kids who arrived at camp alone, who'd had to take a plane or a bus on their own. The victims lived far from each other, and the other killings were from a year before, they never made a connection till one of them died in the middle of the summer."  
"Wow."  
"Yeah, Derek's worst cases are child related, especially those with sexual abuse. We all hate them but he has his own demons to fight, and I'm just worried."  
"Mags, you have some time up your sleeves that you can use. Angie is coming in tomorrow and the day after for her trial days, you'll be covered." Stella piped in.

Derek had spent the rest of the evening horsing around with James, his son's energy wore him out and he wondered how his mother coped with that kind of energy every day. With James tucked in Derek decided to take a shower before calling Penelope for the night. His heart ached for her, and though he missed her all the time, at that point he wanted nothing more than to have her near by. Once he had finished his shower and got dressed in his sweats he picked up his phone to call her. While he waited for her to answer he could hear a phone ringing in his living room, thinking it was his mother's phone that she left behind by accident before heading out with her friends for the evening he went to the living room to find Penelope leaning against his couch. Without a word he hung up and took her into his arms holding her tightly. Penelope wrapped her arms around his neck while running her hand soothingly from his head to his neck. It didn't take much convincing for Penelope to jump back in her car and drive back to Virginia. She knew she would be going against traffic and that it wouldn't take her as long to drive there and made it there in record time. She knew it was too close to home for him and together or not, as his best friend, she needed to be there for him.

"Thank you." He whispered hoarsely burying his face against her hair and shoulder. Drinking in her scent and drawing strength from her presence.  
"God I love you P." he breathed into her ear. She tightened her grip around him knowing how deeply his words ran through his heart  
"I know. I love you too." She replied softly knowing it was the first time since everything fell apart that she had said it to him. Derek's arms somehow found a way to draw her body closer to his in response. They stood there for what seemed like eternity before Penelope took his hand and led him to his room. She sat against his headboard and patted her lap. Derek lay down and placed his head on her lap clinging to her as she stroked his head trying to lull him to sleep. As much as Derek didn't want to go to sleep, wanting to cherish the fact that she was there, his exhaustion won over and he was asleep in moments. She waited till he was in deep sleep before slipping out of his grasp and replacing herself with a pillow. She went to check on James and tucked him back in after he had successfully kicked off his blankets and pillows in the throes of his sleep. She picked up a blanket and a pillow from the closet and found that he still had her shelf filled with her toiletries and change of clothes that she left in his apartment. At the bottom of the closet she found the box that she had left in her apartment. She bit her lower lip and ran her hand along her favourite hooded sweater tempted to throw it on. Her reverie was interrupted as Fran came through the door.

"Penelope, did you not call me earlier to tell me you got home okay?" Fran said clearly confused. Penelope smiled and pulled out the blanket and pillows before closing the closet door.  
"I did, but Derek called me on when they had closed the case, and it was a bad one and he didn't sound very good when he called and I don't know something in me just didn't want to leave him alone, I mean I knew you were here, but he does that whole internal combustion thing, so I got in my car it just steered its way here. Angie is coming in tomorrow till Wednesday so I'm not exactly as needed as I would be if she wasn't so Mac and Stella practically shoved me in my car." Fran smiled and grabbed the blanket from Penelope and started helping her set up the couch knowing she wouldn't be willing to sleep anywhere else.  
"I'm sure it means a lot to him."  
"I know,"

After changing into her pyjamas Penelope put the kettle on for her and Fran. They were catching up over tea when they heard Derek stir in his sleep. Immediately Penelope jumped to her feet and ran to Derek's room jumping on the bed behind him and pulling him into her arms as he hugged her arms close to his chest, clearly still asleep.

"Shhh, it's okay Dirk. I'm here. It's okay." She whispered softly in his ear. Fran watched from the doorway as her son calmed down at the mere sound of Penelope's voice and touch. Giving them some privacy Fran went back to the living room to watch TV. Penelope emerged from the room twenty minutes later when she was certain he was in a deep peaceful sleep.  
"Child abuse cases brings him back to Buford, and the really bad ones conjure up violent nightmares." Penelope explained as she kept an ear and an eye out for his stirring.  
"What I would like to do to that man for hurting my Baby." Fran muttered clearly upset.  
"What we would all like to do to him." Fran looked up and smiled at Penelope. She had always known how much Penelope loved her son, but seeing her in action half an hour before re-enforced how lucky Derek was to have her in his life. It wasn't long before Fran retired for the evening and just before Penelope went to check on Derek she called Mac to let him know that she had arrived safely. Penelope stood by Derek's door watching him sleep for awhile before heading back to the couch. Derek stirred a few times throughout the evening and each time she was there to soothe him. When it looked as though he was down for the night, Penelope slipped back into the couch and fell to a shallow sleep, acutely aware that he may awake again. Derek had slept through the rest of the night peacefully and awoke early the next morning to find Penelope asleep on his couch. He sat on the edge of the couch running his fingers through her hair as she slept.

"Hey you okay?" she asked worriedly sitting up,  
"Yeah Baby Girl. I had a whole night's sleep thanks to you. Baby you didn't have to sleep out here. You could have taken my bed."  
"It's okay. Your Mom and I caught up for a bit and I like this couch, it's comfortable." She replied snuggling back into place as if to prove her point.  
"Dirk, it's still dark can you not sleep anymore?" she asked as he shook his head. Penelope sat up and patted the space beside her,  
"Who's choosing the DVD?" Derek grinned and headed to the collection of DVD's in the corner. He slipped one into the DVD player and smirked as he sat beside her on the couch. Penelope groaned as the intro started playing.  
"What?" he said innocently as she rolled her eyes.  
"You're so cliché!"

Penelope lay her head on the other side of the couch resting her feet on his lap as she snuggled into her blanket. Derek knew that it wouldn't be long till she would be asleep again and it didn't matter. All that mattered was that she was there, and she knew that would be enough. When James woke up a couple of hours later and squealed with excitement as his eyes fell on Penelope asleep on the couch. Derek put his finger to his lips to no avail as James ran over to where Penelope was and flung his arms around her happily.  
"James Zachary Morgan!" His grandmother called out scolding him for waking Penelope,  
"It's okay Fran." Penelope assured her,  
"Hey Brat."  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I got a couple of days off so I thought I'd hang with the Morgan Men and maybe visit with Aunty Em and Aunty JJ."  
"YAY!" James said as he wriggled into her arms as she sat up. Derek shook his head in amusement as Fran chuckled before heading to the kitchen to make breakfast. Derek followed his Mom to the kitchen, his eyes never leaving Penelope and James who were busy tickling each other mercilessly.  
"They certainly are a sight for sore eyes aren't they?" she stated  
"That they are."  
"She'll get there, you just need to give her time. She's loved you for so long watching as you go from girlfriend to girlfriend not even for a moment factoring her into your radar for years that anyone would be weary at the sudden epiphany. The important thing is she does love you, and if you had any doubts after last night, I may need to smack you over the head." Fran said smiling up at her son who grinned in reply.  
"I know. I know she still doubts me, and I can't blame her, but I'm going to wait for as long as it takes Mom. She's the one."  
"Good, I'm glad."


	23. Little Battles

"Heya!" Penelope greeted tiredly as she answered the phone. It had been a few weeks since she'd come to Virginia to help Derek through his ordeal and ever since her return to New York she was crazy busy. With Angie back part time Penelope was offered another position of designing new software. They had a pool of ideas they brainstormed and the fun part of creating the software to achieve the results they sought for. Penelope loved it. Being away from the crime scene side of things but developing the programs to make such investigations easier and more accurate made her feel that she was still fighting crimes. Unfortunately it left her with very little time to do much else but work. She had early mornings and late nights. Often Derek would call and she would still be at work. She had made it back to Virginia for a day here or there but never catching Derek when they weren't on a case. The girls had come down for a weekend in New York giving them the opportunity to bond, but since her three days in Virginia, she and Derek were limited to phone conversations and Skype video calls, which were at times intercepted by either James or work. Derek was missing her, and she was starting to see the cracks  
"Hey P. You home?"  
"Just about to leave the office. You?"  
"Yeah, just walked in. You eaten?"  
"I would really like to skip that question for the answer will only catapult us into another argument, and though I promised to fight you every chance I get I'm too tired today." She begged. They had been arguing for days about everything. How they never saw each other, how busy with work she always was, how she wasn't taking care of herself. How she only came to Virginia when he wasn't there, and he was questioning if she really cared about him. It was all making her head spin.

"You know it's only because I care P." he replied softly  
"I do know that, and I appreciate it, but Derek I'm a grown up. I know how to take care of myself. If I'm hungry I'll eat, and you forget I live and work with Mac Taylor, inevitably some nourishment finds its way to me." She said trying to reassure him.  
"How was your day?" she asked changing the subject. Derek started to fill her in on his day for the rest of the drive home, admittedly she was glad he was talking to her because she was too tired to stay awake while driving. She had considered sleeping in her office till he called, knowing that would only ensue another argument. Exhaustedly she let herself into her apartment while still talking to him and smiled as she saw him standing there by her small dining table set up for an intimate dinner for two, with candle light. Without a word she carefully dropped the bags she had on her shoulders, walked over to his outstretched arms and allowed him to engulf her into a bear hug. She leaned her whole body against his, resting her face on his chest with her eyes closed unmoving, his scent doing wonders in rejuvenating her. Habitually he buried his face on her shoulder as he ran his fingers along her deep curls.  
"I've missed you P. I'm sorry I've been riling you, I just worry. You're so far away, and I just miss you."  
"I miss you too." She murmured into his chest.  
"But Dirk, I really love what I'm doing. I work so much because I love it. It doesn't tire me out because I know what we're working to achieve. Admittedly I need to learn when my body hits its wall a lot quicker but I'm getting there."  
"Just promise me to take it slow when you're about to hit that wall."  
"I promise"

"Fight over?"

"Fight over." she confirmed with a smile as she looked up at him. Derek dropped his lips to her forehead his arms not loosening around her.

They had a nice and quiet dinner catching up on James' latest mischiefs while Penelope told him all about the new project software they were working on. Though they talked daily throughout the day it was different having quality uninterrupted time. After dinner they retired to the couch with dessert. They sat facing each other as they talked animatedly. Penelope's head was resting on his palm on the back of the couch, her legs tucked underneath her as she listened to him talk about their friends, and how Hotch and Emily were finally getting somewhere. She was tired but she was fighting hard to be there one hundred percent.

"P, you're fading." Derek teased highly amused as she playfully slapped his chest  
"No I'm not," Penelope protested trying to stifle a yawn. Derek shuffled closer to her and pulled her face towards his with his other hand softly bringing his lips to hers.  
"That's one way to keep me focused." She mumbled as they parted and she looked up at him while Derek grinning sheepishly. It was their first kiss, for months he had been looking for the right time not wanting to scare her off and freak her out. There were unspoken physical boundaries between them since their time apart, and he knew it had to be the right time, but as he sat there looking at her looking so beautiful regardless how tired she was, he decided to bite the bullet.  
"Perhaps, focus is the wrong word. Awake is probably better." Derek brought his forehead to hers holding face with both his hands,  
"I love you P."  
"I love you too." She replied, fear still lingering in her eyes. She didn't doubt him, but the whole thought of them together on that next level frightened her  
"I'm all in P."  
"Me too." She said in a whisper as he kissed her again, and again.

"I better go." He whispered in her ear a little while later as she lay her head on his chest.  
"Seeing as we've been making out like a couple of teenagers for the last hour." She replied grinning up at him.  
"Yeah, I better go before I lose all sensibilities." Derek admitted with a smile.  
"You can stay, I mean to sleep." She added quickly.  
"It's a long drive and it's late. You can have an early start after you've had a few hours sleep. I'd have to get up early tomorrow anyway, so I can talk you through your drive, which is something I can't offer you right now as I am ready to pass out."  
"You sure?"  
"Yes as long as you don't mind the couch, it's really comfortable." She answered apologetically not entirely ready for them to share a bed just yet, even if it is just to sleep.  
"Of course I don't mind P. I told you, I'm all in, for the long haul. I don't care how long it takes. I'd wait forever for you."  
"Thank you." She said softly as she snuggled closer to him. Derek kissed the top of her head,  
"P, for all terms and purposes of propriety, I'm going to need you not so close to me right now."  
"What?" she said looking up and then realizing what he meant she jumped to her feet.  
"Sorry. I'll go and grab you some pillows and blankets if you want to go down and get your Go Bag from your car so you can change into something more comfortable." Derek nodded and stood to his feet and grabbed his keys before heading out the door.

By the time he returned she had the couch set up with blankets and pillows. She had changed into her cupcake flannel bottoms and matching pink hoodie. She had pulled her hair up in a messy ponytail and sporting around in her pink Ugg boots. Derek felt his heart skip a beat, she looked beautiful.

"Night Dirk." She said walking up to him to give him a hug,  
"Night P. Sleep well." He replied as he hugged her tightly.  
"I sure will." She replied with a flirtatious smirk that he hadn't seen in a long time.  
"Penelope Margaret Garcia."  
"What?" she answered innocently before heading into her bedroom with a wave. She could hear him muttering,  
"Evil evil woman."


	24. You're such an

Her phone vibrated again and she ignored it. Her home phone started ringing shortly after and she ignored that too. She knew who it was, it was the same person that had been trying to call her in the last hour since he found out that she knew, and he knew that she would be furious with him.

"Come on P, I know you're there. You can't ignore me forever. You know I'd just drive all the way there and then you can't run. You can't hide out in the office or at Mac's. I'll find you. I screwed up P, I'm sorry. Hear me out at least." He begged on her answering machine,  
"No, because you don't get to make it sound better. You were shot Derek and you didn't call me. You refused to have any of our friends tell me. If it wasn't for James, I wouldn't have known. You were in hospital for days. Meaning every time you sent me a text message or called me you were in the hospital. Lying there shot, and me, whatever I am in your life, didn't get to be there to nurse you back to health, or even see for myself that you were alive." She said angrily finally picking up the home phone.  
"P,"  
"No, I don't want to talk to you right now. You don't get to demand when we get to talk." Moments later all Derek could hear was the dial tone. He held his head up with his un-bandaged arm.  
"Did you expect her to react any other way?" Fran said gently.

It had been months since he came to see her, since they had shared their first kiss and they were doing well. One of them aimed to make the trip to the other at least once a week, fortnight at the most, and there was a renewed commitment and promising step they had finally achieved which is why he didn't want her to know he was shot. He didn't want to worry or scare her away. Instead she ended up questioning her position in his life.

"Daddy's coming home today,"  
"That's good little man. He did mention that. I'm sure he's excited to see you."  
"But he already saw me at the hospital," James replied clearly confused  
"Hospital?" she asked.  
"Yeah, when the doctor removed the bullets from Daddy's shoulder" he answered not realising what he had said.  
"Honey, can I talk to grandma?"  
"Sure Aunt P, she's right here." Fran took the phone warily knowing that Penelope would be upset,  
"He's okay Pen." She said trying to offer her reassurance,  
"When?"  
"The other day, he didn't want to worry you."  
"Thanks Fran." Penelope said a quick goodbye to James before hanging up and it wasn't even an hour before Derek started calling her incessantly, so she knew that he had gotten a heads up.

Emily bit her lower lip as she tried to call Penelope, she knew that she would be livid, and she had every right to be, but they had promised him that they would let him tell her, and now it was out and she wasn't willing to speak to any of them. Each of them had tried to call her, but she was too mad to take any of their calls. Em knew that if Hotch had pulled the same stunt she would shoot him herself.

Penelope went back to work and locked herself in their projects room, surrounded by wall to wall monitors, hard drives and other computer parts. She plugged in her IPOD on the stereo speaks and blasted her music loud. It was the only way she knew she could stop her mind from thinking anything else aside from the task on hand. She was building a hard drive when Mac walked in. It was not at all surprising that she didn't hear his approach till he turned the lights on and off so that he wouldn't surprise her. She looked up sharply as he held his hands up in the air,

"I come in peace."  
"Sorry," she apologised not meaning to aim her anger at him  
"You have your fight face on." He obrserved  
"You heard?"  
"Yeah, he called me after the first three times you didn't answer his call, again after you gave him a piece of your mind."  
"Tell me he didn't deserve it."  
"Wrong person Mags."  
"Thank you,"  
"Allow me play Devil's advocate for a moment." Penelope lifted her head and glared at him.  
"I'm on your side here Mags, he was an idiot, but he didn't want to frighten you. You guys are finally in a good place, and the stationary bike is finally moving. He was scared that you would bail."  
"Why would I bail on him, I have never ever bailed on him. I've sat through girlfriend after girlfriend, case after case, James, I've never bailed."  
"Mags, you bailed on him when you thought he would never see you the way you'd always dreamed."  
"That's different,"  
"It is and I agree, but bottom line is he lost you and there is nothing else that scares that boy in the world than the thought that he may lose you again. It's taken you almost a year to be where you are, and even then it has never been the same. He knows what is at stake and he didn't want you to be so frightened of losing him that you choose that it would be better to not be together than risk losing him every time he goes out there."  
"That's stupid."  
"Is it Mags? You're not in that world anymore, your tolerance for it isn't what it used to be. You don't get to see into that world anymore and be a part of what ensures that they all come back in one piece, that he comes back in one piece. Are you telling me that no part of you would have gone into self preservation mode the moment you were pacing that hospital room waiting for the news of whether he made it or not? Can you really look at me and tell me that it wouldn't have shaken you enough to count the cost?"  
"Maybe so, but I would never bail on him, and if he doesn't know I love him that much, then I can't do anything about that."  
"Mags, you've had him at arms length since you've allowed him back in your life, you can't blame him for being scared that you'd run at the first sign of trouble."  
"He could have died Kenz, he could have died and he made them promise not to call me. If he had died, I would have had to find out from a phone call and though there may have been nothing I could do but pace that hospital floor, at least I wouldn't have had to hear over the phone that he's dead." Mac crossed the room to where she was and took her into his arms as she collapsed against him silently, no tears, no words.  
"PINK?" he said recognising the album,  
"Yeah, it's therapeutic."  
"Nothing like angry chick rock to get you through an anger period." He said dryly.  
"You have no idea!"

Mac convinced Penelope to call it a night and let him drive her home.

"Are we grabbing dinner?" she asked as they missed their turn,  
"No,"  
"Don't even." she warned looking at him in disbelief,  
"You're too stubborn for your own good. You know you want to see him, to see for yourself he's okay but you're going to let your anger win because you're stubborn. So I am taking the decision from you and driving you there despite your protests."  
"Dang your bossy. I hate it when you pull the older brother and I'm wiser card on me."  
"It's all a part of the package, you know you love it."  
"I'm a masochist that way." She replied with a small smile before looking out the window.  
"Hey, can we grab something to eat along the way? I'm starving." Penelope asked  
"Sure, you feel like anything in particular?"  
"No, anything's fine."

Mac pulled up at the first Diner they saw. Mac knew that Penelope was trying to buy time so they opted to eat in.

"He's okay Mags."  
"I know. He's been hurt many times before, it just feels different this time."  
"Because things are different between you." He pointed out.  
"I know." she replied and paused for a moment,  
"You're right, and he's right. I would have panicked, and my first instincts would have been self preservation." She admitted quietly as she played with her food. Mac placed a hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze,  
"And that's okay. It's natural." he assured her.  
"He's still the biggest ass in the world though."  
"I'm sure he'd be willing to agree with you there." Mac replied with a smile.

Mac and Penelope stood outside the Morgan's apartment door for a few minutes before knocking. Mac looked over at Penelope before bringing his knuckle to the door. She nodded allowing him to do the knocking.

"Hi honey, come on in he's tucking James in." Fran said giving her a hug hello. Penelope kissed her cheek before glancing at Mac who tilted his head towards the direction of James' room.

Penelope made her way to James' room and stood by the door watching Derek read to an already asleep James. He was ok, his arm was on a sling but she knew well enough to know that it could have been so much worse. As though sensing her presence he looked up at the door. He stood to his feet and was standing in front of her moments later. Penelope leaned her forehead against his chest as he pulled her into his arms holding her as best as he could.

"Baby I'm fine." He promised.  
"I love you but you are the biggest ass in the world." Derek chuckled,  
"I love you too Baby Girl. And yes, I know." he replied resting his lips on her forehead while running his fingers through her hair.


	25. Learning to trust you again

Derek's injuries meant he was out of commission for about six weeks. With James on holidays the Morgan Men camped out in New York for a couple of weeks with Pen, while Fran went home to Chicago to visit with Desiree, Sarah and her family. Mac and Stella watched as Penelope, Derek and James became more of a family unit than they already were.

Derek stood by the door of the FBI projects room watching her in deep concentration on the software she was testing. He could always tell the depth of her concentration by the way she bites her lower lip, or poke her tongue into her cheek.

"For someone who makes it a habit to watch me sleep, I would have thought you'd be sick of watching me by now." She said rolling her eyes without looking at him,  
"Nope, I like the view. So sue me." He answered making his way to her, placing his hands on her shoulders while dropping a kiss on her forehead as she looked up at him,  
"Hey Baby, I'm almost done. Where's Satan's spawn?" Pen asked after their ball of mischief. Derek chuckled,  
"Aunty Stella and Aunt Lindsay have taken him for a walk,"  
"To?" she asked worriedly knowing Stella and Lindsay were as bad as JJ and Em when it came to spoiling James.  
"FAO Schwartz"  
"Of course." She replied shaking her head.

After having an extremely long talk after he was shot, Penelope and Derek set ground rules, what they expected from the other and a promise to talk to each other before they even thought about bolting. It was Penelope's idea for James and Derek to come down to New York as he recuperated, which for all those involved and privy to witness was a huge step for Penelope. The Morgan Men were set up on her futon, but most nights, if not every night James Morgan ended up in Penelope's bed.

"So Uncle Mac had a thought." Derek said as he sat down on the chair beside her,  
"And what thought would that be?" she wondered out loud, though she had a pretty good idea what it was,  
"He suggested taking James in for the night, take him to a ball game with the boys, and let him camp out for the evening at his so I can take you out to dinner."  
"You trust Mac, Don and Danny with your son for a whole evening?" she teased,  
"Stella and Lindsay offered to go with them if we were concerned."  
"He'll be fine. He can help Mac try and keep Don and Danny in line."  
"That's what Stella said. So is that a yes?"  
"I haven't heard the question Agent Morgan." Penelope replied slyly,  
"My apologies, Penelope Margaret Garcia, may I take you out to dinner tonight?"  
"Well when you put it that way Derek Morgan, how can I say no?"  
"I'll come and pick you up at your place at 6:30"  
"And where are you going?" she asked as he dropped a kiss on her lips before heading towards the door.  
"Phase two, bye P. I'm getting ready at Mac's so you have your apartment to get ready."  
"But…" before she could finish her sentence he was long gone.

Penelope worked another half an hour before calling it a day giving herself an early mark after pulling ridiculous amounts of hours from home testing programs and softwares. Penelope made her way to Stella's office in search of her friend in hopes that they had returned from their little trip to the biggest Toy store in New York. Just as she was about to walk in she felt the impact of an energetic six year old hugging her middle.

"Now I wonder what that could be? A tornado perhaps?" Penelope teased as she looked down at James wrapping her arms around him.  
"Did you have fun with Aunt Stell and Aunt Linds?" she asked as James nodded enthusiastically.  
"Uncle Mac said we can build a Fort for me to sleep in at his place tonight, and after the basket ball game we're going to cooks smores on his veranda."  
"That's cool. Where's Aunt Lindsay?"  
"She had to go back to work."  
"Well why don't Aunt Stell and I drop you off at Uncle Mac's office and we can spend the rest of the afternoon playing hooky." Stella's face lit up at the suggestion,  
"That sounds like a great idea." She seconded just as Penelope knew she would.

After dropping James off to Mac, Stella and Penelope headed to their favourite Spa place, and got situated for an afternoon of pampering. A massage, manicure and pedicure. By the time they had finished they just had enough time for a coffee before Penelope had to get ready for her date with Derek.

"So as someone who's been heavily involved in the progression of my relationship with Derek, and as it is seemingly progressing, may we address what's remained an untouched topic?" Penelope asked as Stella chuckled.  
"Subtle as a hammer you are my friend."  
"Well I love Mac, and I love you. Anyone with one sense can feel, see, and hear how much you two care and dare I say love each other, why not?"  
"Because he's not ready to let her go, and that's okay, when it's time, I trust it'll fall into place. If not, well, I'd have to live with that. For now I don't want him to fell pressured on doing something he's not ready for. We all remember Peyton."  
"Oh hon, Peyton was great, and she drew him out of his shell, as much as he cared about her, she knew that he wasn't all in, not the way she was and was ready for."  
"And what, you think he's ready for us now?"  
"You never know, stranger things have happened. All I'm saying is, I don't want you to not see what's there because you're scared, don't hide behind the memory of Sar."  
"I hear you Pen, but only he can decide if he's ready. I can't, no I won't force him into it."  
"I know, it's one of the things I love most about you. Just be open to anything that may evolve, that's all I'm saying."

By the time Derek knocked on the door Penelope had literally just slipped on her second shoe. She opened the door to one incredibly handsome looking Derek Morgan in tailored pants and a dress shirt.

"You're beautiful," he gasped as though seeing her for the first time. She was wearing a simple black wrap dress, her hair that was normally either held loosely by a claw clip or tied back in a pony tail was down, her curls prominent and accented the frame of her face. Her make up was minimal but effective in bringing out her best features. Derek leaned forward and gave her a brief kiss on the lips.  
"You're pretty gorgeous yourself Handsome." She replied resting her hand against his stomach. Derek felt butterflies at her mere touch. She could see his eyes darken with longing as he stared lovingly in her eyes. She rubbed his stomach affectionately and habitually,  
"Shall we baby?"  
""Yup, let's go." Penelope heard him inwardly groan and looked back at him and smiled innocently,  
"Don't you even try that with me Penelope. You know exactly what you do to me." It was true, though it had take some time, she had begun to see that he saw her the way he said he did, and though she may doubt herself, she couldn't doubt him.


	26. An eventful first date

"M'lady…" Derek said as he opened the door and held his hand out to assist her into getting into the car.  
"Why thank you kind Sir." Penelope replied placing a kiss on his cheek as she passed him. Derek grinned as he made his way to the other side of the car. It would be the first time they would officially be out on a date. Most of their time together was spent with James, and the rare times they would be alone would be after putting him to bed and they almost always preferred to stay home and watch DVD's. Once in a while they slipped out for a movie or a quick bite, but nothing compared to the plans Derek had up his sleeve.  
"So do I get to ask what we're doing seeing as you're all giddy with excitement?"  
"Errr no…" he answered without even thinking.  
"Shouldn't I be a part of the excitement?"  
"Are you saying you're not excited?" he challenged.  
"You suck!" she muttered folding her arms to her chest in mock defiance.  
"You love me." He retorted confidently as he pulled out of her parking space.

"Derek," Penelope gasped as they drove onto a long driveway and a quaint cottage came to view. From the car she could see that the walls were made out of windows so that you see right into the dimly lit restaurant, open fire in one corner, a small platform in another with a string quartet playing, tables for two spread out appropriately for privacy, set with flowers and candle light.  
"You like?"  
"I love, baby you didn't have to go through all this trouble." Derek took the hand he held on knee and brought it to his lips,  
"The look on your face P, makes it all worth it."  
"You spoil me." She protested,  
"And you deserve it Princess."

Though a waiter had greeted and sat them down, Penelope noticed that he did not take their orders or hand them menus. He did however come back a few minutes later with a bottle of her favourite wine and a couple of glasses. Penelope cocked her head to side suspiciously at Derek who grinned wordlessly taking her hand over the table.

"This is nice," she said softly with a smile as he threaded her fingers with his looking right into her eyes.  
"It is. I'm sorry it took so long for us to finally get a grown up date."  
"Don't be silly, you know how much I love hanging with both Morgan Men, but admittedly it's nice to have you to myself for a night without interruptions."  
"That's for sure. By the time we finally get some alone time the slugger has us completely exhausted."  
"The kids is definitely a ball of energy, but he's cute and I wouldn't trade him for the world," Penelope stated affectionately.  
"Well that sentiment is definitely mutual as not a moment goes by that he's not thinking of you. It seems I have competition in vying for your attention."  
"Sorry, we've made a pact. He wins every time." She teased as he laughed,  
"Don't speak too soon Penelope Garcia, I may just woo you."  
"Oooh a challenge."

Entrée, Dinner and Dessert were all of Penelope's favourites, by the Entrée she knew that he had already planned their menu and everything was to perfection.

"You up for a dance before dessert?" he asked  
"Sure handsome." She replied taking his hand and followed him to the dance floor where he drew her close to him, Penelope wrapped her arms around his neck as his enveloped her around her waist. Derek brought his forehead to hers,

"I love you P."  
"I love you too." She murmured in response,  
"P, you know I'm all in. That I want this, you, us forever…" he said pulling back to look at her. Penelope gulped for a moment uncertain as to where he was headed, not sure if she was ready for what he could possibly be suggesting,  
"I know that we're still a work in progress, but nothing will change how I feel. It's you P, it's always been you and I'm sorry it took so long to realize that."  
"Shh, it's okay Derek we're passed that."  
"Are we?" he asked unsure,  
"Yeah Baby, we are."  
"Then marry me P." he said getting down on one knee pulling out a simple white gold solitaire ring out of his pocket. Penelope heart stopped unable to process it all in her head,  
"Dirk…" she said tearfully pulling him up and throwing her arms around his neck burying her face on his shoulder as her held her close running his fingers through her curls,  
"I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but are we maybe moving a little too fast? We don't even live in the same county." She saw his eyes drop in disappointment,  
"Baby, I'm not saying no."  
"You still don't trust me." It wasn't an accusation, but a sad realization.  
"I don't trust myself. I'm sorry!" she said tearfully turning to go unable to stand the look of hurt in his eyes. Just as she was about to walk away he gently pulled her back into his arms,  
"No running remember, talk to me P." he said cupping her face with his hand,  
"I love you Derek, I've loved you for as long as I can remember. It is so easy to immerse myself in your world. I know despite the distance and circumstance, I am falling in love with you more and more as each second passes and that scares me because I can't control it. I don't trust myself to love you and still be me, I've only just found me, and I'm learning to incorporate you and me into that without having to lose the other, but it's a daily thing, and though I want nothing more than to be Mrs. Derek Morgan, I don't want to gamble what we have, it means too much to me. I'm not saying no Derek, all I'm asking for is a little more time." Derek drew her closer and placed his lips and her forehead. As he did he unclasped the chain with the cross he had given her and slipped the ring into it.  
"I told you I was all in, so I'm going to wait, but P, I'm not asking you to give up who you are, I'm asking you merge our lives together, I love you because of who you are P, and I would never ask you to be less than who you are."  
"I know that Derek, you're not the problem, I am. I've been so uncomfortable in my own skin for so long that I learned to hide behind my looks, and the persona that I created myself to be. I just want you to get to know the me that I am for a little longer, because this is who I am."  
"You're crazy, I see you. I see right through you and I love you, but if you need time, okay. You got it."  
"Thank you." Penelope wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.  
"You're killing me P." Derek groaned after an extremely heated kiss.  
"I love you." She said giving him her best puppy dog face to date.  
"I love you too." He replied with a shake of his head.


	27. A glance at the future

Derek held her close as they danced, both not ready to let go and part with each other. He understood what she was trying to say, and a part of him already knew that she wouldn't be ready to marry him, but he had hoped. It did hurt that she wasn't ready to jump and marry him, but he knew it was because she didn't want to step into something she just wasn't ready for, there was too much at stake and he understood that. He understood, but it still hurt. He knew as much as she had forgiven him, she was holding back, and he understood that too.

Penelope knew that she had hurt him by saying no. As much as she would have loved to have thrown her arms around him and screamed yes from the top of her lungs, she wasn't ready. It wasn't about forgiveness, she had forgiven him, the thing was, it was him that hadn't forgiven himself. She just wasn't ready to get married, to him or to anyone. She loved him with all her heart, but it just wasn't the right time.

When they got back, they took a quick peak at James to make sure he was okay before heading into her apartment hand in hand. Mac wasn't oblivious to the cloud that had somehow set itself above their heads. After Penelope had taken a quick shower, she made hot chocolate for both of them. When Derek had emerged from his shower she was staring blankly at the wall above her TV, knees to her chest, mug resting in front of her. Derek sat closely beside her picking up the mug of hot chocolate she had made for him. He draped an arm around her and brought his lips to her temple,

"It's okay P. I meant what I said, I'll wait. Forever if I have to." Penelope looked at him, unshed tears threatened behind her eyes,  
"Don't hate me."  
"Baby, of course I don't hate you. I could never hate you P. I understand."  
"I want to marry you, just not now."  
"I know Baby, I know." Derek pulled to him and wrapped his arms around her. Penelope lay her head against his chest as they sat in a comfortable silence. Not long after Penelope drifted off to sleep. Derek caressed her cheek with his hand and stared as she slept. When she had reached a state of deep sleep, he carefully slipped from beneath her and carried her to her bedroom. He tucked her in and dropped his lips to her forehead. Just as he was about to leave, she grabbed his hand,  
"Don't go."  
"P, you don't have to…"  
"Please," Derek nodded and slipped into the bed with her, both acutely aware it would be the first time they would be sharing a bed since Daphne, over a year ago. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around her as he spooned against her. Penelope shuffled closer to him and snuggled closer as if to reassure him that she wanted him there, that she trusted him, that it wasn't guilt that was asking him to stay. She ran her fingers up and down the arms that hugged her.  
"This is what I can see for us, for the rest of our lives Derek. I want it so badly is scares me. I love you. I trust you. I just didn't want us to jump into marriage when we're still so new at this. I know what it's like to not have you in my life, and I don't care for it. I never want to not have you in my life again." Derek tightened his hold around her,  
"P, you never have to worry about not having me in your life. We're in this together, and for the rest of our lives. Unless you look at me right in the eye and tell me that you hate me, that you don't want to have anything to do with me, you're never going to be able to get rid of me." He promised murmuring in her ear.  
"Forever." She replied ensuring him that they were on the same page.

Despite the anti climactic ending to their evening, they had spent the night discussing their plans for the future. That even though they weren't officially engaged, they knew that it was their destination. With only a couple of months left in her contract Penelope knew it was time to start considering moving back to Virginia if she and Derek were to progress further. Though he had offered to move to New York, and she certainly appreciated the sentiment she knew that within her, she was ready to move back to Virginia.

After seeing Derek and James off the following afternoon Penelope headed straight up to Mac's apartment where he was waiting with Chinese. Penelope dramatically flopped herself on his couch with a deep sigh as Mac looked at her somewhat amused,

"He asked me to marry him and I said no…" she said out loud. Mac almost dropped the beer in his hand that he was handing her, making her laugh.  
"Is everything okay?" he asked. He had sensed that something was off the night before, but they had been fine throughout the day, if anything they had seemed closer.  
"Yeah, I tried to explain to him that it wasn't a no, but a not now, that I wasn't ready. For one thing we don't even live in the same state at the moment."  
"What are your plans with that?"  
"Contract finishes in a couple of months, and I'm starting to consider heading back to Virginia."  
"That would be a good start Mags." He teased.  
"You think I'm ready?" she asked worriedly,  
"You know you are."  
"Hmm, I'll talk to Hotch."  
"Mags, if you're not wanting to go back to the BAU I'm sure you could slip into the forensics team in Quantico."  
"That is certainly an option worth considering." Penelope said thoughtfully.


	28. Steps towards the future

"So you're really going to leave us?" Penelope looked up and smiled as Olivia Benson approached their table.  
"Not for a couple of months." She assured her friend as they hugged hello. They were having one of their Girl's Night that had been established when since she first came back. She had met Detective Benson through Stella years before and had been friends since.  
"Well, I guess Virginia is not that far." Lindsay grumbled coming from behind Olivia and setting down their tray of drinks on the table. Penelope and Stella exchanged a grin. It had been a few weeks since Derek's proposal and Penelope had been seriously considering her options and next step. Though she knew she wasn't quite ready to take that step with Derek, she also knew that a long distance relationship was not the ideal. After talking to Derek, they had agreed that moving back to Virginia was the next step. Derek had offered to move to New York, there were a few positions available that he could slip into, but Penelope knew that it wasn't the right decision for all of them, and that as much as she loved New York, her work, Mac and her friends, it was time to resume her life in Virginia. She was ready.

"Hey Baby, how was your Girls gone Wild night?" Derek asked as he picked up the phone after the first ring. She had promised to call him the moment she got back to her place despite what time it was. Penelope chuckled.  
"Your perception of us is so jaded Handsome."  
"Oh really now,"  
"Yes. It's a bunch of girls having a couple of drinks and dancing most of the night. We were all driving home so the ratio was more dancing than drinking."  
"Ahh, you had fun though."  
"I did. Good times. The boys ended up crashing our evening anyway, sound at all familiar?" she teased. Many of their girly drinks together in Quantico was often intercepted by the boys too.  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
"I'm sure you don't. Mac, Elliott, Danny and Donnie came around eleven under the false pretence that we may need a ride home. So the eight of us ended up at the Diner for some old fashioned Burger, Fries and Thickshake, a decision that I am now regretting despite how satisfying it was at the time." Derek laughed.  
"How's my little man, did he get to sleep okay?"  
"Eventually,"  
"So is it the flu or just a cold?"  
"I think at the moment it's just a cold slowly making it's way to being the flu. He said he was feeling a little achy."  
"Aww my poor Baby. Are you still okay to pick me up tomorrow?" she asked. It was Hotch's 40th Birthday, and Emily was throwing him a Surprise party the following evening and Penelope had offered to help set up. She had considered driving in, but knew she would be too tired to drive to and from so she opted to take the plane.  
"Of course. I can't wait to see you Baby Girl."  
"Me too Handsome.

Penelope arrived at eight thirty that morning and when she disembarked the plane there he stood with a grin on his face and arms open wide. With a grin she flew into his embrace and cherishing being in arms.  
"It's so good to have you home P."  
"It's good to be home Dirk."

After greeting Fran with a huge hug Penelope slipped into James' room as he slept. She could tell by his breathing that he had a blocked nose. She sat on the edge of his bed and ran her fingers through his hair. She leaned over and placed her lips on his forehead and felt that he had a slight fever. James stirred and opened his eyes, he sat up throwing his arms around her excitedly,  
"You're home this weekend Aunt P."  
"I sure am Sugar. How are you feeling my love?"  
"A little sore but okay. Can I still go to Jack's tomorrow."  
"We'll see how you go okay honey. We don't want you to get sicker, you have that special excursion you've been looking forward to on Monday." James nodded sinking into her loving arms, it wasn't long after that he fell back asleep.

"Hey P, come have breakfast. He'll probably sleep another couple of hours." Derek said placing a hand on her shoulder half an hour later. Penelope nodded and slipped out from James firm grasp taking Derek's outstretched hand.  
"Where'd your Mom go?" she asked noticing that Fran was no where in sight.  
"She had a Brunch thing, she poked her head in and saw that your eyes was closed and didn't want to wake you."  
"Ah, shall we bring up and discuss the taboo topic of where I will be living when I come back?" She saw the look on his face shift and gave his hand a squeeze pulling him on the couch beside her. It had been a bone of contention for them, one that threatened an argument that she avoided till they were face to face,  
"I know you want me to live here with you guys, that it would seem like a natural progression as when I visit, I stay here, but Dirk there's a difference with crashing on your couch to living together." Though since their stay in New York she had been sleeping in his room on her visits, she wasn't ready to live with him full time.  
"Baby steps Baby." Her voice quietly begged. Derek's arms tightened around her bringing his lips to her temple.  
"Six months and then you move in." he bargained,  
"You got yourself a deal Agent Morgan," she agreed pulling his face towards hers kissing him.  
"P, your breakfast is getting cold." He said breathlessly between kisses,  
"I don't mind," she replied as his lips met hers again. She felt his hands creep their way inside her shirt, his hand rubbing her bare stomach,  
"Maybe now's not quite the right time or place to do this?" she said leaning her forehead against his. She heard his sigh in frustration,  
"You're right," he replied kissing her once more slipping his hands out from beneath her shirt.  
"I love you." She said looking at him as she rubbed his neck,  
"I love you too Baby Girl."

"Serious?" Em said excitedly as they hung up streamers around her apartment and the boys inflated the balloons with helium out in her patio. Penelope smiled. She and Derek had agreed to wait to tell the others that she was coming till Hotch's 40th, knowing that it would be a great surprise for their boss.  
"Yes and you're the first to know so you need to borrow Hotch's poker face till I tell him tonight."  
"Ok will do….but make sure you do it early on in the night ok?"  
"I'll be sure to do it early in the evening." Penelope promised handing her friend another streamer.

'SURPRISE…" they all yelled jumping from the several hiding places in Emily's apartment. Hotch jumped in utter surprise and looked Emily with disbelief pulling it off without his detection.  
"Happy Birthday Boss Man."  
"Penelope, you're here." He exclaimed pulling her into a hug.  
"Of course I am, where else would I be?" Aaron grinned as Penelope whispered in his ear.  
"Really?" he asked wide eyed as she nodded. Emily and Derek exchanged a happy and knowing look. They watched as Aaron pulled Penelope in a hug again.  
"I'm glad," he whispered before letting her go.

Penelope enjoyed the night with her friends and could imagine slipping back into the fold. Moving to New York somehow made her and Emily much closer than before while JJ still harboured a little hurt that she had left to begin with.

"Hey Pen, I have a suggestion for you…" Em said joining her on the patio,  
"Hit me with it," Pen replied taking the drink that Emily had handed her.  
"From our last conversation about the topic, you mentioned that you weren't ready to move in with Morgan yet."  
"Yeah, we finally talked about it last night, and though he's not happy with it, he understands."  
"So move in here."  
"What?"  
"I have the room, and I seriously doubt you or I would be home all that much anyway, why not?"  
"That sounds great. Are you sure?"  
"Of course."  
"Thanks Em, that's one thing I don't have to worry about now."  
"So have you made a decision about work?" Em knew that Penelope was hesitant to return to the BAU. She's had a full year and a bit of no violent images and case related nightmares, as selfish as it sounded she wanted to remain that way.  
"Not yet, do you think Hotch would be terribly mad at me if I didn't come back to the BAU?"  
"Of course not Pen. He's just happy to have you home." Penelope didn't look convinced, she knew that she had disappointed him when she decided not to come back despite the fact that he had kept her position open for her the year before.  
"She's right Penelope." Hotch said catching the last bit of their conversation. He emerged from the inside of the house to join them on Em's patio. Em excused herself and went inside.  
"You know I would love to have you back on the team, but I also know how much you love what you're doing now, and if that's what you want to keep doing, that's alright with me. Not that you would ever need my blessing. I just want you to be happy. That's all I have ever wanted."  
"Thank you Hotch, not just for that, for your support. Especially this last year and a half, moving to New York, Derek, everything. You've played such a key part in my life and I want you to know how much that means to me."  
"Happy to have been a part of it Penelope. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it." Hotch had remained the most constant in her life after she moved away, along with Emily, she heard from them almost daily, therefore strengthening their growing bond. He and Em were her confidants in Virginia and she appreciated that.


	29. Making sure, you're sure

Penelope let herself into Mac's apartment to get set up for dinner. He was ten minutes behind with Thai. Their weekly once a week non negotiable had turned two twice a week since her decision to move back to Quantico, it was hard to believe that a whole year and a half had gone by so quickly. As excited as she was about moving forward with Derek, a part of her didn't want to leave Mac, her friends and her life in New York. With only six weeks till her move back, she was slowly packing up her life in New York and tying up lose ends.

"Mags, I think I may have over ordered. I was hungry and couldn't choose so I picked up all of our favourites."  
"Kenz, we're going to end up eating this for tomorrow's dinner, well tomorrow's lunch at least." She stated seeing the armload of food he was carrying.  
"Stell said she's coming to join us a little later."  
"Aww, I'm glad. She, Liv and I are supposed to meet at mine later for one of our infamous slumber parties."  
"You guys are how old?" he teased.  
"At heart, we will always be thirteen."  
"Just at heart?" he challenged with a smirk,  
"You really want to go down that road with me?" she threw back,  
"Err no, I would lose."  
"I thought so."  
"No Linds?"  
"Montana, it's take the boyfriend home to meet the parents weekend."  
"That's right, it is too. That explains Danny's jumpiness all day today."  
"Well it's hi Mom and Dad, this is my boyfriend Danny, oh he's the guy that knocked me up but we're not getting married, how would you be?"  
"Hmmm, when you put it that way, I'm surprised he didn't need a paper bag to breathe into all day."  
"Back pocket." Penelope replied handing him a plate and chopsticks.  
"You're kidding?"  
"Nope, I put it there." Mac laughed shaking his head.

"You coming for drinks Morgan?" Em asked as she came down the stairs from Hotch's office. Derek looked up at his partner and smiled,  
"Sure. Where are the others?"  
"They're already there. Hotch is going to be another half hour, what do you say we head on over there now?"  
"Right behind you Prentiss." Derek said rising from his seat grabbing his jacket.  
"Not long to go." Em said as he grinned knowing exactly to what she was referring to.  
"I can't wait to have her home. Hey Em,"  
"Yeah Der,"  
"Do you think she's ready to come home?"  
"She wouldn't be if she wasn't Derek. If I've learned anything about Penelope in the last year and a half, it's that she knows herself extremely well and she's not afraid to say no despite the consequence if the timing isn't right." Derek nodded recalling his proposal.  
"Are you scared that she's not ready to come back?"  
"Yes and No. I just don't want to have forced her hand in this."  
"You haven't. She's ready to come back, but Der you need to talk to her about this if you're worried about it." Emily said gently.  
"She loves you, and she knows it's you forever. Yes you've had your obstacles, but I've watched you two work on them together, and look at how far you've come. Which is why if you're feeling this, you should talk to her. Not only for your peace of mind, but so that she knows where you're at. It matters to her what you think."  
"Thanks Em."  
"Sure, what are friends and partners for right?" she replied affectionately shoving his shoulder with hers.

"Hey Baby, how was drinks with the team?" Penelope asked as she answered the phone.  
"It was great Baby Girl, we all needed the opportunity to unwind."  
"I'm glad you did."  
"Are the girls at your place already?" Derek knew that Olivia and Stella were staying the night.  
"Not yet, they're both running late. I came home for a quick shower before they arrived. Mac's going to feed them first and then send them over this way, or I'll go there and get them, whichever happens first. Baby you okay?" she asked sensing that something was off with him,  
"Yeah, it's nothing. We can talk about it later."  
"No, let's talk now. This is important. What's bugging you?" Penelope pressed,  
"Am I forcing you to come back?"  
"What? Baby no. I want to come back. I want to be with you, I want us to be a family with James and that's never going to happen if we're living apart. Am I moving back because of you, yes because I want to. I love New York, I love my life in New York, but I love you, James and our life together. Virginia has our friends, your Mom, it was home for a long time and wherever you are, will always be home, wherever it is. You're not forcing my hand Hon, if I didn't want to move back or I had any misgivings about it, I would tell you." In the silence Penelope could have sworn she heard him sigh with relief.  
"Okay, I just…"  
"I know hon, but you and I are in this together. I would tell you if I wasn't ready. I promise."  
"Good."  
"You okay?"  
"I am now. Thank you."  
"No probs." Penelope stayed on the phone with him a little while longer and they caught up on each other's day. When Penelope heard the girl's commotion from Mac's door she opened her front door and gave them a wave while pointing to the phone in her ear. Stella and Olivia waved as they walked straight into Mac's apartment.

"Sorry kids, what'd I miss?" Penelope asked as she came in a few minutes later.  
"Not much, there was a deliberation on boiled or fried rice that was thrilling," Mac answered dryly earning a pillow thrown in his direction.  
"Everything okay Pen?" Olivia asked.  
"Yeah all good. He's a little worried that he is forcing my hand to move back to Virginia." She confessed to her three New York confidants.  
"He does know you're hard headed right? That if you didn't want to do something, you wouldn't exactly hold back and just tell him no." Mac teased as she rolled her eyes,  
"Yes he does,"  
"It's only natural Pen," Stella pointed out,  
"I know, I just hope it went through his hard head that I want to move back to Virginia, that I'm ready."


	30. Coming Home

The weeks flew by which was rather bittersweet for Penelope. As much as she was looking forward to what was ahead, she hated the thought of saying goodbye to Mac, Stella and Olivia who were her best friends in New York. With emails, phone calls and text messages deemed as insufficient trade off, they had bargained and promised weekend visits. Penelope's last night was spent at Mac's as she had given up her apartment the week before and crashing in his spare bedroom since. She had stayed at Stella's the night before along with Olivia and the three of them spent the evening talking with several bottles of wine and a meal they had cooked together.

"I'm so going to miss you guys. It's been a crazy year and a half and I couldn't have imagined surviving it without you both." They had both been there even before she moved back and certainly after she did.  
"Aww Pen, we're going to miss you too. Thursday nights will certainly not be the same without you." Every Thursday night the three of them did dinner together.  
"Once a month we take turns on coming up or down for the weekend," Penelope reminded them.  
"Non negotiable." Olivia seconded while Stella nodded in agreement.

Penelope threw in a few more marshmallows into the hot chocolate before handing it to Mac. Mac smirked as he saw the overflowing marshmallows on both their cups.

"Just as I like it." He commented,  
"Well it is my last night in New York, what a better reason than to splurge right? Hey Kenz,"  
"Yeah Mags."  
"Thank you, for everything. For reminding me who I am and not compromising on that, for bringing out the best in me, always, for always seeing the best in me, regardless."  
"It's what families do, and it's always gone both ways Mags. You and I have always been a two way street. Always!"  
"Kenz, no matter where I am. Same rules apply okay. All you need to do is call and I'll be here."  
"Right back at you Mags."

Penelope and Derek had driven Esther back to Virginia the weekend before, as Penelope didn't want to have to worry about driving back. They had successfully moved her into Emily's apartment the week before, and all that was missing was her, and she was due in Sunday morning. She had a couple of days off before starting back at Quantico, not in the BAU but within the FBI System Development team as she was in New York. After her talk with Hotch, it wasn't such a hard decision to make.

"Call when you get there." Mac said trying to keep his emotions in check but failing miserably. Penelope had become his little sister the moment he met her, and now with Savannah gone, and Sarah, she was the closest thing to family he had left. As selfish as it sounded, he loved having her so close by despite the unfortunate circumstances that led her there. Penelope had given up on keeping her composure, New York was only a couple of hours away by car, but the fear of leaving washed over her as she stood before Mac ready to board her plane.  
"You're going to be okay. You're ready. Your whole life awaits you Mags, and I will always be here."  
"I know, I'm just going to miss being able to walk across the hall and there you'd be."  
"We've been rather spoiled the last year and a half haven't we?"  
"That's for sure." Penelope turned to Stella who was also crying beside a teary eyed Olivia.  
"Take care of him," she whispered in her friend's ear as they hugged.  
"I promise Pen, I will. You don't need to worry about him." Stella vowed to her friend. Olivia pulled Penelope into a tight hug,  
"I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do without having you just across the precinct. Who's going to just drop by with cupcakes when I'm having an off day."  
"I'll send Donnie your way. I'll make sure he doesn't bake it." Penelope answered with a sniffle. As they pulled apart Penelope looked at her three friends tears welled up in her eyes. Mac pulled her into his arms again.  
"I love you Kid."  
"I love you too Kenz. I love you all very much." Penelope said her eyes falling to Liv and Stella. Reluctantly Mac released her and gave her a light push towards her gate. Taking the hint she nodded and headed towards the gate. As she neared the door she allowed herself to look back, and there they stood together with a loving and supportive look on their face. Stella gave her a rather awkward thumbs up, Olivia stood there with a goofy grin, while Mac gave her an encouraging nod. She gave them a smile, her heart taking a picture of them and filing it in her soul. With one last wave, she was gone.

It was a quiet ride back to Mac's apartment. Olivia was called into a case leaving Stella and Mac to their own devices. Stella knew that Mac was taking it hard that Penelope was gone. It was okay when she had lived in Virginia and they only saw each other sporadically, but having her in New York for a year and a half made him realise just how much he missed having family around. How much he missed his sister and his wife. She was a bittersweet reminder that he had grown use to and love having around. Unconsciously they both glanced at the door in front of his apartment, as though she were still on the other side if they knocked on the door she would be there to greet them with a wide grin and margaritas or hot chocolate, depending on how bad their day was. It was something they both would have to learn to live without.

It was a short flight to Virginia. Penelope knew she had limited time to shake off the grief she felt for leaving New York and be ready for what lay ahead. She was excited and she was looking forward to it, she just wished New York and Virginia was closer than what it was. As she disembarked the plane she grinned as her eyes fell on the Morgan men standing side by side, sporting their own wide grins. Penelope made her way towards them as Derek caught her in his arms, she felt little Morgan's arms around her waist.

"God you're a sight for sore eyes." Derek mumbled in her ear,  
"You saw me less than a week ago Dirk."  
"Yeah, but it's different knowing you're home for good."  
"Glad to be home." She replied before releasing him and pulling James into her arms.  
"Let me look at you, have you grown again. Geez kid, at this rate you're going to be taller than me in a few weeks."  
"Sorry Aunt P." James apologised laughing as he hugged her tightly.  
"You hungry P?" Derek asked, it was still early and he assumed that she wouldn't have had dinner yet.  
"Not really Dirk, how about you Slugger, you hungry?"  
"Aunt P, I'm a growing boy, I can always eat."  
"Well then, how about we head to the Diner. I'm sure I could work myself an appetite for a burger."  
"Sounds good P. Let's go."

Penelope dropped Mac, Stella, and Olivia a text message to let them know that she had landed and was just grabbing dinner with the boys, that she would call them when she got to Emily's.

The three of them had a lot of fun at dinner, and it left little room for Penelope to question her decision, she knew in her heart that she was where she was supposed to be.

"Aunt P, I saved this moment for you." James said taking an envelope out of his jacket as Derek nodded in encouragement. Penelope looked at them curiously as she took the sealed envelope in her hand,  
"Baby this is addressed to you," she said looking at Derek who just shrugged obviously in the know.  
"It's my report card Aunt P, I wanted to wait till you were here to open it."  
"Aww thanks honey." She said dropping a kiss on his head before opening the envelope.  
"Sweetheart you got straight A's. I'm so proud of you." She said throwing her arms around James and hugging him tightly, appreciating that he had waited for all of them to be together.  
"This is cause for celebration, how do you want to celebrate?"  
"It's okay Aunt P, I got what I want, you're back and that's all I want." James said quietly his eyes dropping to the table.  
"Flatterer." She said drawing him into another hug as he laughed.  
"What to do you say I pick you up after school on Monday and we can have an Aunt P special before dinner?" James grinned, an Aunt P special was a special excursion just the two of them, it could be something as simple as going to the carnival, the zoo, the batting cages, something spontaneous usually that Penelope planned for fun. The not knowing was always the best part for James.  
"That would be great." He said excitedly.  
"And the celebration will continue in the evening with your Dad and Grandma. I'll even cook your favourite meal for dinner." Derek watched in pure adoration, he loved how Penelope celebrated the smallest events from James finishing his homework early to straight A's. She was excited about his every achievement whether they be small or big. Both James and Derek knew that Penelope would have been as equally proud had he received B's or C's as long as she knew that he had worked hard.

"That's weird, I could have sworn Em said she was going to be home tonight." Pen said as they entered the darkened apartment. Just as she flicked the light switch on, she saw the room of people jump up and yell,  
"SURPRISE!!!" Penelope jumped a mile in shock. She playfully smacked Derek's arm just as Emily and Hotch engulfed her into a hug.  
"Welcome Home Penelope," Hotch said softly in her ear.  
"Thank you! You guys didn't have to go through so much trouble."  
"Hush you." Emily said giving her friend another squeeze, happy to have her back and home where she belonged. Fran, Spencer, JJ and Rossi followed close behind awaiting their turn.

That night after everyone had gone home and the mess had been cleaned up Penelope and Emily sat on the couch with their feet up on the table,  
"So Roomie, how does it feel to be back?" Em asked.  
"Funny enough, a part of me doesn't feel like I've left."  
"That's a good thing right?"  
"It is. It's nice to be back, and be with everyone again. I've really missed you guys. Despite thoughts to the contrary." Penelope added. Em placed a hand over Penelope's,  
"Give her time. A part of her feels like you jumped shipped and never looked back. You said goodbye and you wrote the rest of us off, not just Derek." She explained knowing that Penelope and JJ had drifted apart after Penelope officially moved to New York over a year ago.  
"But I didn't and you know that. I still called every day, but after I made the decision to move to New York she shut down on me."  
"I know, and she knows it too. We all suck at change and you're just going to need to ride this wave with her."  
"I know, and I will. So tell me Roomie, how are things with you and Charlie Brown?" Em smiled at the mere mention of Hotch, which Penelope took as a good sign.  
"It's going well. We're taking it slow of course, but it's promising. When I'm with him, I just feel safe and loved. I don't' know how to explain it, it's nothing major he does, it's just him. Does that make sense?"  
"More than you know." Penelope answered with a knowing grin.


	31. Natural Progression

Life back in Quantico proved to be a smooth transition from her life in New York. There was no denying how much she missed Liv, Stella and Mac but they made do with daily phone calls and random text messages whenever they thought of something the other would appreciate, which at times were on the hourly basis. Penelope loved her new post in the FBI, she loved her new team, she loved that she could go up a few floors and she could see her BAU Family. Living with Em had brought them a lot closer than before, and Penelope appreciated her friendship. Slowly she and JJ were almost back to normal, but there was no denying that their friendship had shifted and changed. As promised the girls alternated on the non negotiable weekend trips, and more often than not Emily joined them. On the weekends that Penelope went to New York it went without saying that majority of her time would be spent with Mac, which gave Emily a opportunity to get to know Liv and Stella better and vice versa. Penelope loved that her friends had integrated. Even the New York boys, Donnie, Danny, Elliott, and Mac had come to Virginia a few times, and with time bonded with the boys of the BAU. Mac and Hotch held great respect for the other, and as Penelope's self proclaimed token guardians of her well being, and older brother figure in her life, their already established camaraderie was solidified. JJ and Lindsay had bonded as the mothers in the crew. Penelope and Derek were definitely closer than ever before, though there definitely were challenges and obstacles, they learned to deal with them together.

"Hey Roomie, I'm on my way home. Dinner?" Em asked as Penelope picked up her cell.  
"Funny, I was just about to call you with that very same line." With their schedules it was rare for Penelope and Emily to share a meal in their own home, most of the time they ate with their respective partners, or as a team, that said, they had set up their own non negotiable in their home, it involved ice cream at least once a week and time was not a consideration, after all it was ice cream.  
"Are you still in the building?" Em asked as she packed up her desk for the day.  
"Nope. James had an Art Expo thing at his school, opportunity for them to showcase the kids projects and art work so I left after lunch. We're just doing homework now, but I can pick up dinner on the way home."  
"I have a couple of errands to run anyway, so I'll pick up a few things and cook."  
"You sure?"  
"Of course. Have fun with homework and I will see you at home. Derek should be there soon, he left a little while ago."  
"Cool Em, I'll see you at home." Just as Penelope hung up her phone Derek came through the door.  
"Hey Baby, how was work?" she greeted as he wrapped his arms around her from behind. Derek dropped a kiss on her lips as she looked up at him,  
"Quiet for once, which is always a welcomed change of pace. Hey Buddy, how was the Art Expo?" Derek asked rubbing his son's head. James grinned and got up to greet his Dad with a hug hello,  
"It was fun."  
"That's great kiddo. You staying for dinner P?" he asked looking over at Penelope.  
"Not tonight. Em's cooking dinner, I think she wants to talk."  
"She okay?" he inquired worriedly,  
"I think so, it seems like she's got a few things on her mind. She dropped a few things the other night during Ice Cream and I've been trying to find an opportunity to talk to her about it since."  
"Well, there's still half a cheesecake left if you want to take some dessert home." Derek offered.  
"Thanks hon, you guys can finish that off, your Mom loves that cheesecake. I was thinking of whipping up some brownies so a certain little boy can take them as a special treat for lunch tomorrow." Penelope added as James grinned without looking up from his homework. Derek shook his head and chuckled. As James continued with his homework Derek and Penelope sat on the couch catching each other up on the day's events. Though they spoke throughout the day, it was always brief and in passing.  
"What are your plans for this weekend?" he asked.  
"Not much, how about you?" she replied as she watched him intertwine her fingers with his.  
"I don't know, I was thinking of maybe taking my girl out for a drive down the beach. Have a nice brunch on the boardwalk, a wander through the markets, a walk on the beach in the afternoon, dinner perhaps…"  
"That sounds perfect." She said enthusiastically. They had a date night once a week that was just the two of them, as their daily activities included either or both family and friends. Usually date night was dinner at her place with DVD's, Penelope and Em had mastered the art in co-ordination, on those nights she would stay at Aaron's. Majority of the time both girl's stayed at their apartment. The times in which they came home varied, but they eventually made their way home.

"Honey, I'm home." Penelope called out noting that Em's car was parked in their driveway, which meant that she was home.  
"Kitchen," Em called out with a smile.  
"Hey you." Penelope greeted giving her friend a hug hello.  
"Hey Mags, how was your day?"  
"Seeing as I played hooky for most of it, pretty good though I am sure I will end up pulling an all nighter tomorrow night testing the new software, which is pretty much the fun part of my job."  
"So I assume that the Art Expo was good?"  
"Surprisingly it was. I expected some pedestrian artwork seeing as they were done by six to twelve year olds, but some of them were quite impressive."  
"A certain eight year old in particular?" Em teased,  
"Well, I would answer that but you would just accuse me of being biased." Penelope replied with a smirk while Emily laughed knowingly.  
"So I was thinking while you get dinner all sorted I would bake brownies and ice cream for dessert."  
"Oooh good call. Enough for us to take to work tomorrow?" Emily suggested hopefully,  
"Sure, why not. Let me dump my stuff upstairs and change."

Emily watched as her friend ran up the stairs. She knew that they were in for a long night. She knew that she should really talk to Hotch but Pen was her best friend and she needed to bounce it off to her first so she could hear it for herself as it didn't feel all that real to her just yet. When Pen came back down she noticed that Em was lost in her thoughts, deciding to leave it for later Penelope started working on the brownies wordlessly allowing Emily to sort out her thoughts till she was ready to share them. They opted for the couch instead of the dining table, both in their sweats, comfortable.

"So…" Pen prompted coaxing Emily out of her trance.  
"I think I'm pregnant Pen." Penelope took Em's plate from her hand and put both their plates on the table before pulling her friend into a hug. Emily was obviously upset and worried, unable to feel the initial joy that is supposed to come with such possible news.  
"He'll be happy Em."  
"You can't be sure of that Mags. We're so new, and I can't believe this has happened."  
"Hotch aside, how do you feel about this?"  
"I'm happy. I love him Pen."  
"Sweetheart, I know this is a huge surprise but talk to Hotch about this. Take the test so you know for sure. Do you want me to slip out and get some"  
"It's okay I bought three boxes. I took the test before you got home, I just haven't had the guts to look on my own."

"Shall we then?" Pen said standing up holding a hand out to Emily. Hesitantly Emily took her hand and allowed Pen to lead her to her en suite bathroom. Penelope chuckled as she saw that Emily had used every test and laid them out in a line on the ledge of her spa bath,  
"I wanted to be as sure as I can be," Emily supplied as though hearing her friend's thoughts,  
"I would have done exactly the same honey. You ready?"  
"Mags, I can't. Will you do it for me?" Penelope's heart broke at the vulnerability that lay beneath her eyes. She gave Em's hand a squeeze before walking over to the tests and smiled as she read the results,  
"Honey you're pregnant." For a moment Emily allowed herself to feel what was in her heart without worrying about Aaron's reaction an d grinned at Penelope. She was having a baby, she was having Hotch's baby. Penelope drew her friend into an excited hug.

Penelope was well aware of the tug of war that was going on in Em's mind, not quite certain if she and Hotch were ready for such a huge change, at the same time being extremely happy to have conceived something so incredible from their love. Em's hands unconsciously found themselves resting on her stomach. She and Penelope sat on the couch side by side with their bowls of brownies and ice cream watching Dirty Dancing for what seemed like the millionth time. She wasn't surprised that Emily had fallen asleep on the couch, with the excitement, the worry, and the pregnancy she saw it coming. Draping a blanket over her friend she decided to clean up the dishes. Lost in her own thoughts and contemplations she almost missed Em's vibrating phone on the counter.

"Hello…"  
"Hey Pen,"  
"Oh hey Aaron. You just missed Em, she passed out on the couch like a half hour ago."  
"That's ok. I sort of wanted to talk to you anyway. I came to your office this afternoon forgetting that today was the Art Expo."  
"Oh yeah, what's up?"  
"She okay?" he asked worriedly. For the last few days Em had been distracted, whenever he tried to discuss it with her, she would change the subject. Talking to Penelope wasn't the ideal, but he was clearly worried about Emily and he knew out of everyone, Emily confided the most to Penelope.  
"She's okay."  
"But there's something going on?" he pressed gently,  
"You two definitely need to talk, and Aaron when you do, just remember the most important things okay?" Hotch knew that she wouldn't divulge any more than she already had.  
"I will Pen, I promise. Thank you for being there for her."  
"Any time, any place, and Aaron, if you need to talk later on, just to bounce, I'm here."  
"Thank you."

Penelope finished up with the dishes and considered waking Emily to get her into her own bed but decided against it guessing from the tiredness that her friend sported around that it was the first time she had fallen into a peaceful slumber. Penelope took a quick shower before dialing number one on her speed dial.

"Hey Baby, did I wake you?" she asked softly.  
"No Baby Girl, are you okay?" Derek asked worriedly. She had called earlier just before dessert to say goodnight not knowing what time she and Em would finish up.  
"Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice."  
"Tough talk? She okay?"  
"She's fine. She just got me thinking that's all."  
"About?"  
"You and Me."  
"And…" he wondered somewhat alarmed,  
"I love you. Heart and Soul I love you, it may have taken us an obstacle course to get to where we are, but I have no regrets. Every day we've had to get to where we are today, it was worth it because Derek I have no doubts about us. I know where we're headed, and I know how much I love you and how much you love me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, if you were to ask that question you asked before, my answer would be yes." Derek grinned as he sat up on his bed, without seeing his face she knew that he would be smiling.  
"With that said, I'll let you go back to sleep."  
"You expect me to sleep after that?"  
"I'm sorry, would you like me to stay on the phone till you get sleepy again?"  
"It's the least you can do P," he teased as she laughed in reply.

Penelope towel dried her hair as they spoke, he was telling her about James antics at dinner trying his hardest to avoid the greens in his plate. She was just about to climb into bed when she heard a light tap on her balcony door, pushing back the curtain she grinned with a shake of her head, she hung up the phone and opened the door.

"Are you crazy? You could have broken your neck climbing up here." Derek merely smiled and pulled her into his arms into a tight embrace.  
"But I sure am glad you're here right now," she murmured. Derek breathed her in, burying his face into her curls, his hand resting on the base of her neck.  
"I love you P. Nothing would make me happier than you agreeing to spend the rest of your life with me. So P, marry me?" he asked looking right into her eyes. Penelope's eyes brimmed with tears as she nodded,  
"Yes, I will marry you Derek Morgan…" Derek lowered his lips to hers and kissed her gently and passionately cradling her face in his hands. He unclasped the necklace that held her ring and slipped the ring out before clasping it back on. He took Penelope's hand in his and found that her hands were shaking slightly. Derek brought them to his lips before slipping the ring into the appropriate finger.  
"Perfect," he said in contentment as his eyes traveled from her face to her hand, full of love, excitement and happiness.


	32. Sharing

The following morning Penelope almost thought she had dreamt it all till her eyes fell on the ring that sat on her finger. If she were honest she would admit that she had slipped that ring on to her finger and admired it when no one was around, more often than she would even allow herself to recall. She couldn't help but grin replaying it all in her head. Derek had stayed a couple of hours as they sat talking on the beanbag she kept on her balcony wrapped in a blanket. He had reluctantly bid her farewell when she started to doze.

"You okay to drive home?" she asked sleepily,  
"Yeah Baby, I'll drop you a text when I get home."  
"Ok, I'll wait for it." Derek dropped a quick kiss on her lips and forehead as he tucked her into bed.

Derek was home in less than ten minutes and as promised he sent her a text message to say he was home hoping she would sleep through it. He chuckled when his phone began to ring,

"I love you Dirk," Penelope murmured obviously half asleep,  
"I love you too Baby Girl. Go back to sleep." He replied lovingly.

It was still early and despite the limited hours of sleep she had under her belt, she felt unsurprisingly chipper. She threw her covers off, washed her face and brushed her teeth. She found Emily still asleep on the couch and quietly got breakfast together. Emily was awakened by the smell of bacon and waffles coaxing her out of her peaceful slumber. As she got up her stomach grumbled hungrily, which she was certain due to the growing baby in her stomach. She had estimated that she could be about three months pregnant when she counted back to her last period, all the while thinking she had missed a couple of periods due to the intensity of work of late.

"Bless you Penelope Garcia, you truly are the best friend a girl can have." Emily said gratefully as Penelope put a plate heaped with food and a bowl of fresh fruit with yoghurt in front of her as she sat down at the kitchen counter.  
"You're going to be so much fun to feed aren't you?" Penelope stated in amusement while she replied wordlessly by sticking her tongue out at her.  
"Hotch called you last night but you were dead asleep." A look of panic crossed her eyes as they met Penelope's.  
"Honey, it won't be as bad as you think it will be. You're both adults and both capable of being mature about this. He loves you Em, you know Hotch he would have thought and thought and thought before he would have even entertained the idea of the two of you together. He knows the risks and he knows what he wants for the future and that's a life with you. This news may be an unexpected surprise, but it will be welcomed."  
"How can you be so sure?"  
"Because I see the way he looks at you Em, like the sun rises and sets with you. You just need to allow him to react and process."  
"What you're saying is don't bolt at the sign of danger?"  
"I know, ironic coming from the queen of bolting difficult situations."  
"I know that was different Pen." Em replied looking up at her friend. Penelope smiled and placed her hand on Em's arm appreciatively.  
"I had wondered how long it would take for you to finally wear that ring." Penelope stiffened realizing that Emily had spotted the ring long before it went on her finger.  
"I am a profiler Pen, and I live with you. At work you're more conscious of keeping it hidden beneath your clothes, but you forget when you get out of the shower your robe doesn't covers everything." Penelope blushed.  
"He asked me almost a year ago and I said not yet,"  
"And obviously he got a yes."  
"That he did. He climbed up to my balcony last night and asked."  
"Aww Pen, that's so cute."  
"You're the first to know. I was going to call Mac after breakfast."  
"And the girls?"  
"I'm not sure whether to call them and conference or wait till they come next weekend."  
"It all depends on whether or not you can hold it in for that long."  
"That is true. Derek and I are going to see Hotch the moment we get in to tell him, but I'm happy to hold it off till after you've talked. Your news is more important."  
"No, you should tell him your news. Besides I'd hate to break this to you, but I'm not the only one who's seen that ring hanging from your necklace. He is around a lot, and you're not so guarded around him." It was Penelope's turn to look panicked,  
"He's happy for you Pen, as I am sure Mac is too." Emily assured her knowing the distinct older brother role that Aaron had taken on with Pen, especially after she moved to New York and back to Virginia.

"Mackenzie Gabriel Taylor, why are you not picking up your phone? Don't think I won't dial all your numbers because you know I'm annoying enough to do that just that. Call me back or you'll just have to put up with my incessant calling till you pick up." Penelope said in a sing song voice, laughing as she hung up. She had about an hour before she and Emily were due in the office. Penelope was tempted to call the girls to tell them, but it didn't feel right when she hadn't told Mac yet. A few minutes later her phone began to sing a familiar song,  
"My my, it's amazing what powers calling someone by their full name can conjure up."  
"You're annoying you know that right?"  
"And cute…"  
"Or so you keep telling me,"  
"You looooovvvvveeee me."  
"Yeah well, you got me there. So what can I do for you Penelope Margaret Garcia,"  
"Okay, ouch. Point taken." Mac laughed knowing he won that point.  
"So I wanted you to be the first I told, I said Yes Kenz."  
"Finally. Congratulations Mags. I'm happy for you. He must be over the moon."  
"I think so. I am too. Thanks Kenz. I know we've already talked this out, but I still wanted to call and tell you and have you be the first to know."  
"Thank you Sweetheart. So who's turn is it to come down?" he asked flipping through the calendar in front of him.  
"I believe it's yours Kenz."  
"What's your week like this week? I have a couple of personal days owing."  
"I'm sure you have a lot more than that, seeing as you never take any time off. To answer your question, I have a pretty light load this week. We're just testing the latest software which I was going to do from home anyway. When were you thinking of coming down?"  
"Wednesday if it's good for you, I do have to head back either Friday night or Saturday morning."  
"That sounds good. What you got on Saturday."  
"How about we do the catch up properly face to face?" Mac suggested.  
"Intriguing… fine, what time am I to expect you tomorrow?"  
"How about noon? Give you a chance to check in at work for a few hours?"  
"Perfect. I'm on James pick up duty tomorrow as Grammy has an appointment."  
"Great, I see an afternoon at the Carnival in our future."  
"Hmm, normally I would jump at the chance, but let's see how much homework the kid has first."  
"Party pooper, he's what nine? How much homework can the kid have?"  
"You'd be surprised. He's one of those freakishly smart ones that take opportunity classes."  
"Are you sure that child isn't yours?" He teased  
"Bite me!" she retorted as Mac simply laughed. Penelope shook her head as they said their goodbyes looking forward to seeing Mac the following day. As she hung up she calculated that there was enough time to call the girls before they had to leave. She could hear that Emily was drying her hair in her bathroom.

"Bonasera…"  
"Hey Stell, give me one sec, I want to get Liv on the line too."  
"Okay,"  
"Benson,"  
"Liv, it's Pen. You still there Stell?"  
"I'm here." Stella piped in  
"Hey Pen, what's going on?"  
"Well I just wanted to let you girls know that Derek proposed…"  
"Again," they answered in unison,  
"Yes, and if you would let me finish I can tell you that I actually said YES." Penelope said with an amused chuckle. Penelope moved the receiver just in time as both her friends squealed like a teenage girl.  
"Wow, I guess hearing on that ear isn't necessary."  
"Sorry…oh my gosh that's great Mags." Liv said happy and excited for her friend.  
"That explains Mac's face when I walked into his office two minutes ago. Lucky you rang because I was ready to interrogate him."  
"Was it a good face or a bad face?"  
"Mags, of course it was a good face. He loves you, he just wants you to be happy."  
"So when is the wedding?" Olivia asked.  
"Liv, honey I only said yes less than seven hours ago. We haven't discussed further than the YES. We're actually going to tell Hotch first before we tell the others."  
"You'll be fine Mags." Stella assured her as though sensing her concern.  
"I know. Well I just wanted to let you guys know. I'll drop the others a mass mail after we talk to Hotch. Mac's coming down tomorrow for a couple of days, are you guys still okay to come next weekend."  
"More than ever! We have to celebrate. You tell that Emily she's ours next weekend." Liv replied.  
"I will do. You girls have a great day. I will talk to you throughout the day I'm sure."  
"You too hon. Let us know how you go with Hotch."  
"I will, bye guys. Love you both."  
"Love you too." Stella and Olivia chorused before Penelope hung up.

"So did they break your ear drums?" Emily enquired knowingly as she entered Penelope's room,  
"No, I moved the receiver in anticipation. They've told me to that you're OURS next weekend, which I guess is Liv's subtle way of telling you to warn Aaron that you may be kidnapped next weekend."  
"I think Hotch has learned to suck it up as a given." Emily replied amused  
"Good man that Charlie Brown."  
"That he is…"  
"So tell him already!"  
"You first,"  
"Fine, my news first and then you're going right in there."  
"Okay," Emily sighed in defeat knowing Penelope was right, the sooner she tell him, the better. Kind of like ripping out a band aid, quick and easy… or so it is in theory.

Penelope placed a hand on Derek's shoulder as he read the file in front of him with such concentration that he didn't hear their approach.  
"Hey P." he said looking up with a grin,  
"Hey Handsome, I was thinking of going in now to talk to Hotch. Coming?"  
"Sure, let's go." He said jumping to his feet, placing both his hands on her shoulders as they walked up the stairs.  
"Morning Baby Girl," he whispered as he dropped a kiss on top of her head.  
"Morning Handsome." She said looking up to meet his gaze.

"Hey Hotch, can we talk to you?" Derek said as they knocked on Hotch's door. Hotch looked up from his desk and cocked his head to the side as through trying to figure out if good news or bad news were coming his way. Seeing as they were both standing at his doorway he deduced that it could only be good news.  
"Sure, come on in." Penelope looked at Derek and took his hand as he squeezed hers encouragingly.  
"Uh, we just wanted you to be the first to know that Derek asked me to marry him, and I said yes." Hotch looked at Derek who was grinning widely. Without a word Hotch walked around his table to pull Penelope into a hug.  
"Congratulations, to the both of you. I'm so happy for you."  
"Thanks Hotch, that means a lot to both of us." Derek said gratefully. He understood the part he played in Penelope's life, just as he understood Mac's. After a few minutes he left Penelope to talk with Hotch one on one.  
"So am I right to guess that this is one of the reasons why you decided that it was better to be placed in another team from the beginning?"  
"Yes and No."  
"You look happy Pen," he observed,  
"I am Aaron, I really am."  
"Good, I'm glad. He breaks your heart, I break his knees." Penelope smiled and gave him a nodded.  
"Duly noted."


	33. Hotch & Em

Penelope gave Emily a subtle encouraging nod as she came down the stairs. Emily's eyes answered what she couldn't bring her face or head to portray. Penelope smiled and headed to her office. As she was waiting by the lifts she saw Emily rise from her chair and make her way towards the stairs.

"Good girl." She muttered somewhat proudly knowing how hard it was for Em to set aside her independence, and admit that she needed Aaron to be a part of what's ahead. That she needed him to want to be a part of what was ahead for the both of them. Penelope trusted that Hotch would act accordingly, and without a doubt on her mind and heart that Hotch wanted the whole package with Emily. That he had already thought about their future.

Hesitantly Emily stood by Hotch's door for a moment, watching him quietly. She knew she loved him completely and without measure, that she wanted him to be a part of her life permanently and forever and she knew that he felt the same way, but a part of her was scared that the baby would speed up something that they should allow to roll in its natural progression.

"Em sweetheart are you okay?" Hotch said worriedly as he caught the faraway look on her face. Emily couldn't help but smile, noting that he must be worried if he was calling her sweetheart in the office. Emily entered the office and closed the door behind her.  
"I'm fine. I just, we have to talk Aaron, and I need for you to completely hear me out before you react okay. Please." Her eyes begged for him to understand.  
"I want you to know that I love you, that I cannot imagine what it was like before you came along, nor can I imagine life without you now. In saying that what I'm about to tell you is bound to change everything and I want you to know that I don't need you to be the hero and swoop in to save the day. It's unexpected but it's a welcomed surprise and you're not obligated to be a part of it if you don't want to,"  
"Sweetheart, you're rambling." Hotch said calmly trying to talk her down from a panic attack,  
"I'm pregnant." Emily finally said softly dropping her gaze to the floor unable to bring herself to watch for his reaction missing the grin that spread across his face. Realising her train of thought it took three steps to get to Emily and wrap his arms around her tightly tipping her chin up to meet his gaze.  
"We're having a baby?" he asked clearly happy. Emily could not mistake the glow in his eyes and for the first time she realised that she was pregnant she felt a weight lift from her shoulders and found herself nodding mirroring the grin on his face.  
"Sweetheart, that's amazing." He exclaimed bringing his lips to hers forgetting where they were for the moment. Emily sunk into his embrace and let out a huge sigh. Aaron looked down at Emily in his arms,  
"Did you honestly think I would not be happy about this?" he asked a little hurt  
"No Baby, not at all. I just didn't want you to think that you had no choice about it, that I expected commitment from you because of this."  
"What if I want to commit to you?" Aaron challenged.  
"Then you can sweep me off my feet when I least expect it. I don't want a marriage proposal from you on the day I tell you I'm pregnant."  
"Fair enough. How do you feel about this?" Emily placed her hands on his chest looking up at him,  
"I'm excited. I can't wait to hold our baby in my arms, for Jack to have a little sister or a little brother to play with. Do you think Jack will be okay with it?"  
"Sweetheart he'll be fine. Have you seen a Doctor yet?"  
"No, I thought you'd want to be there for that."  
"Good. I do. I'm here Em, every step of the way, and not because I have to, because I want to. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't need you to be expecting a child to seal that deal. I think that deal was sealed the moment you refused to leave my office that night after I told you we weren't looking for a replacement for Elle."

Hotch watched as Emily bypassed her desk and headed straight for the elevator knowing exactly where she was headed. He smiled knowing that Penelope knew the night before and in her own way had tried to subliminally tell him to be prepared and react accordingly. He made a mental note to thank her.

"So, would it be ungracious if I said I told you so?" Penelope asked not looking up from her screen as Emily approached her. Emily smiled, her friend certainly was known as the all knowing for a reason.  
"How did you know it was me and how do you know how it went, ugh you know what, forget it. I don't want to know.  
"I think I resent your implications. I heard footsteps and you forget I recognise yours in my sleep. We do live together and as for as how it went, if it went badly, I would be getting a call from Hotch telling me to follow you."  
"See, this is why I don't ask." Emily said sinking onto the couch in Penelope's office. Penelope laughed and turned to face her friend.  
"So?" she prompted.  
"You were right. He was great. We talked. I'm going to make an appointment for this afternoon before we head off to our case tomorrow morning."  
"I thought you might say that," Penelope pulled off the post it note on her monitor.  
"Dr Katerina Manning, is a friend from College, she's the best in Virginia. I took the liberty of making an appointment for you. She's expecting both you and Aaron at 1."  
"Mags!"  
"Don't thank me, it's what friends do. So now you get out of my office so I can actually do some work," Penelope said turning back to her monitor. Emily grinned and rose to her feet. Just as she was about to head for the door she paused and threw her arms around Penelope's shoulder,  
"You're the best Mags!"  
"You're welcome honey." Penelope replied affectionately returning the hug.

"You know at this rate I am never going to get any work done Charlie Brown." Penelope pointed out good naturedly as she found Hotch sitting on her couch when she came in with the disk to run the software that she had swiped from one of the juniors.  
"You? Please, you're like the queen of multi tasking."  
"You have a point there. Is there anything I can help you with today?"  
"Oh I think you've done more than your fair share, which is why I'm here. I wanted to say thank you, for the subliminal alert, for being there for not just Em but for me too, always, and for the Doctor's appointment. I google'd Dr Manning, she's like exclusive and sought out for, how did you even, actually no… don't."  
"When will you guys ever learn to not ask questions? As much as I like to make you squirm, she's perfectly legit. I've known her since college. We're old friends."  
"Ahh, thank you Penelope."  
"You're welcome Aaron. You guys are my friends, my family there's nothing I wouldn't do for you if it is within my capacity."

Penelope buried herself in her work for the next few hours trying to get as much done as she could so that she could do some of the work from her home office. A part of her contract was that she would be able to work from her home office. An arrangement she put in place for James so that she could be readily available to him if need be.

"Baby Girl, have you come up for air at all today?" Derek asked as he watched her from her door way.  
"Yes and No?" she answered sheepishly realising that it was after two in the afternoon.  
"That's real convincing P."  
"I guess I was more into it than I realised. You eat?"  
"No, because my fiancé said she would come and get me so we can take a stroll down the park and maybe grab a hot dog while we're there."  
"Oh Baby I'm sorry. I totally forgot."  
"That's ok. I brought us a couple of sandwiches and thought we could eat here if you're still in the middle of something."  
"What do you say we head on up to the roof top with our sandwiches, this can wait. I need to stretch anyway."  
"Sounds good, let's go." Derek replied reaching his hand out to her.

"This is nice." Penelope murmured as she sat between his legs her back leaning against his chest as he sat with his back on the wall, Derek's arms wrapped securely around her as they talked, his finger subconsciously brushing against her ring finger.  
"It's real Baby," she assured him amused  
"I know, I'm just glad we're finally here you know."  
"Me too."  
"So tonight,"  
"How about we pick up the little man and take him out for ice cream to tell him, and when we come home we'll release him to your Mom and see how long it takes for him to blurt it out." Derek laughed.  
"Sounds like a plan, then we can do dinner tonight to celebrate."  
"Sounds good, but I was thinking maybe dinner at yours with your Mom and James. You're leaving for a case tomorrow and we never know how long they take. After J goes to bed we can hang?"  
"You'll stay tonight?" he bargained.  
"You got yourself a deal Morgan."


	34. Asking you

When Penelope returned from her lunch escapade with Derek, there was

envelope taped to her monitor. Curiously she opened it and grinned when she realised what it was.

"That is the most adorable peanut I've ever seen." Emily laughed,  
"I take it Aunty Penelope has found her very first picture of Baby Hotchner."  
"That she has and she's touched. So have you told the others yet?"  
"No not yet, we're going to speak to Strauss first and see how the Dragon lady responds."  
"Ahh, good luck with that. I'm sure you guys will be fine."  
"It's one thing to tolerate we have a relationship, it's another to welcome a baby into the fold."  
"You never know hon, she may just surprise you."  
"I hope so."

An hour later Derek appeared with a grin on his face carrying two helmets, his and Penelope's one he had custom made for her back when they were just friends.

"You didn't bring your car today?" she guessed,  
"I'm sorry Baby Girl, I was running late this morning and I only just realised as I was coming to get you that I didn't bring the SUV, and that you came in with Em this morning."  
"Lucky you I left my helmet under your desk then." She teased.  
"Sorry."  
"That's okay. Let me change into my jeans, somehow I don't think you would approve of me riding in the back of your bike in this skirt."  
"You got that right!" he stated.  
"Well, maybe that would teach you to remember to bring a respectable source of transport when your fiancé tells you she's riding home with you." Derek's grin widened.  
"What?" she asked  
"Nothing, I just like hearing you say that you're my fiancé."  
"Well, I do like saying it out loud myself." She replied walking up to him, wrapping her arms around his neck as his lips dropped to hers.

"Ma, we're home." Derek called out as they walked into his apartment. Before Fran had a chance to reply James bolted out of his room and into Penelope's arms.  
"Hey Aunt P, hey Dad"  
"Hey Kiddo, did you have a good day?" Derek greeted his son with a quick hug.  
"I did, thanks for dropping the brownies by this morning Aunt P."  
"Sure, anything for my favourite little man. Sweetheart, why don't you get changed out of your uniform, Daddy and I are going to take you and Grammy out for dinner. Daddy has a case tomorrow." James nodded knowing what that meant. Just as he headed back to his room Penelope wrapped her arms around Fran's shoulders affectionately,  
"So now that I have this ring on my finger, do I officially get to call you Mom." Fran froze in place, her face breaking into the biggest grin.  
"Really?" she asked looking from one to the other not letting go of Penelope's arms that were wrapped around her. Both Derek and Penelope nodded happily,  
"Oh my gosh! I'm so happy!!!" Fran exclaimed throwing her arms around both Penelope and Derek. After a couple of minutes Derek left Fran and Penelope to help James get ready,  
"We're going to tell James over dinner tonight." Penelope explained.  
"You know, you never needed to have that ring on your finger to call me Mom."  
"Thank you, that means a lot. I really do love you Fran Morgan,"  
"Right back at you Penelope soon to be Morgan." The two women sat on the couch in a silence of contentment,  
"James is going to be okay about this right?"  
"Of course he is. He loves you."  
"I know, I just."  
"He's going to love it Pen. I promise. Momma Morgan's honour,"  
"Thanks Mom,"  
"I do like the sound of that."

"So he was like…." The three adults listened intently as James told them about his day. Fran, who had heard it the moment she picked him up played along as though she was hearing it all for the first time. James Morgan certainly held a captive audience.  
"I need to go to the bathroom." James declared after he had finished his dinner and the waiter had taken their plates.  
"Do you need one of us to go with you?" Pen asked.  
"No thanks Aunt P, I'm good."  
"Straight there and back okay." Fran piped in.  
"I promise Grammy." He replied grinning as he skipped towards the bathroom.  
"Don't worry guys, I have my eyes on him." Derek assured the two ladies sitting before him. A few minutes later Penelope felt a light tap on her shoulder. As she turned she saw James standing beside her holding up a long stemmed rose,  
"Aunt P, Daddy wanted me to ask you if you would marry him." He asked seriously,  
"Hmmm, do you think I should?" she whispered conspiratorially to him as he nodded vehemently as an answer.  
"Well if you think I should…" she said looking over at Derek and Fran who were smiling from their seats.  
"Come here you." She said pulling James into her arms hugging him. James wrapped his arms around her neck as she whispered in his ear,  
"You can tell your Daddy I'll be happy to marry him."  
"Daddy, Aunt P said she'll marry you." James announced looking over at his grinning father while Fran sat beside Penelope wiping her tears.


	35. A day in the life

After they had put James to bed and Fran had excused herself for an evening at the movies with her book club Derek and Penelope sat on his couch with the TV on not really watching TV but simply enjoying each other's company.

"Thank you," she murmured.  
"For what Baby?"  
"You know for what?" She answered. Derek had known that she was a little worried about what James would think about having her around full time, more than she already was. He knew the only way she would only truly be at peace if she could see that James was really okay with the change that was ahead.  
"Trust me P, the kid's ecstatic."  
"Nice touch by the way getting him to ask."  
"I would have used it sooner if it wasn't considered manipulation." he replied with a chuckle as she gave his chest a playful smack.

"Love you Baby Girl. I'll call when we get to where we're going." He whispered in her ear as she stirred.  
"It's five in the morning." Penelope said looking at the clock  
"Yeah, Jayje just called they had another one this morning. Don't get up." He said as she began to sit up,  
"You sure?"  
"Yeah, I'm heading straight out. I've just said good bye to Mom and Jay."  
"Come back to me in one piece." She said softly looking up at him as she hugged his pillow. Derek bent down to gather her in his arms,  
"Always, I promise to die trying."  
"Good, because you owe me a wedding."  
"Says the person who made me wait a year before she said yes." He said rolling his eyes before kissing her on the lips.  
"Love you Dirk." She murmured as they both reluctantly pulled apart  
"Love you more." He replied as he tucked her back into bed and placed his lips on her forehead before slipping out of the room.

Penelope knew it was pointless to even go back to sleep as she was now wide awake. She had made her peace that it was his job, but it still gave her a feeling in the pit of her stomach of worry. She worried about them all. In a way it made her miss being their tech analyst, at least then she knew where they would be at all times. Sighing she threw the covers back and headed to the kitchen to make coffee and do some work. She was going into work early in preparation of Mac's arrival. She couldn't wait to see him again. It would be over a month since they had last seen each other, and she missed him terribly. They still spoke daily, but it wasn't the same not having him across the hall from her anymore. Penelope smiled as she saw the coffee machine brewing and a post it note stuck to it.

'Sleep is your friend Baby Girl. I promise we'll be okay. Stop worrying. Love you."

Penelope got over an hour's worth of work done before Fran walked in to find her set up with three laptops on the dining table, her left hand maneuvering the mouse, while the other was furiously making notes.

"It's like watching the mad scientist at work." Penelope looked up at Fran and grinned.  
"That's what Derek says."  
"I don't suppose they've landed yet?"  
"He hasn't called yet. I'm not sure where they're going."  
"That must be frustrating for you."  
"Yes and No, the thing is I can always find a way to know, but I have to choose not to." She replied sheepishly.  
"Fair enough. What would you like for breakfast?"  
"You really don't have to go through the trouble. Anything is fine."  
"Nonsense, what kind of a mother in law would I be if I didn't offer my daughter waffles at the very least." Pen didn't miss that Fran had dropped the in law in referring to her a daughter.  
"Well when you put it that way, waffles would be great. Do you need a hand?"  
"No, I'm good. Go back to your Mad Scientist moment. You have about a half hour before the tornado we affectionately call James will be rocketing out of his room."  
"I don't know how you do it every day. He must tire you out."  
"I love it. It's like watching Derek all over again, except this time I get spoiling privileges."  
"I find it hard to believe you weren't the spoiler."  
"Nope, that was all David. He adored those children and spoilt them rotten, bless him."  
"He sounds like such a great man, I'm so sorry I never got to meet him. Derek is such a testimony of what great parents he had."  
"So are you Penelope."  
"Thank you. I miss them a lot. I'm happy to be marrying the man of my dreams, but I also feel incredibly sad that they won't be here for it, nor did they even get to meet him." Fran placed a hand over Penelope's and gave it a squeeze.  
"I'm sure they're watching from heaven happy that things are falling into place for you. I know it's not quite the same is it?"  
"No, but it sure lessens the sting knowing you're here. Thank you Mom." Penelope said looking up at her future mother in law. With tears in her eyes Fran drew Penelope into her arms and hugged her tightly.  
"It's an honour, privilege and a pleasure my dear sweet Penelope."

Not long after Penelope was showered and dressed James came bounding into Derek's room calling out for her.

"Just in the bathroom honey, I'll be out in just a minute." Penelope replied making sure her mascara looked even.  
"Good morning Sweetheart. Did you sleep well?" she greeted as she came out of the bathroom.

"I did. Grammy said to let you know breakfast is ready when you are."  
"Did you eat?" she asked.  
"No, I wanted to eat with you."  
"Well then let's go, I can't keep a growing boy from eating breakfast." James giggled and took her hand to lead her back to the kitchen where Grandma Fran was taking the waffles and bacon out of the over where she was keeping them warm.

"Guess who's coming to pick you up with me this afternoon?"

"Who?" James Morgan asked in anticipation.

"Uncle Mac,"

"Yay!!!!! Can we go to the park?"

"Well if don't have that much homework today Uncle Mac has a surprise for you,"

"But Aunt P, what if I do?" he asked worriedly

"It's Uncle Mac, you know for sure you'll get you surprise. If not today, tomorrow, one day very soon, but I'll let him tell you what it is because it's his surprise."

After being shooed from cleaning up Penelope headed straight to work. She was ticking off the list of things she needed to bring home with her for the next few days when her office phone rang,

"Garcia."  
"Not for long…"  
"Well hello there handsome." She answered with an amused chuckle.  
"Hey Princess, I figure you'd be there already. What time did you get in?"  
"A couple of hours ago, your Mom made waffles and your son demanded we eat breakfast together."  
"Good boy."  
"You guys get there okay?"  
"Yeah we're just setting up."  
"So has Hotch stuck Em on geographical profiling." She asked knowingly  
"Yep." He replied with a laugh,  
"I'll call her in a bit to calm her down,"

"I think he might appreciate that." Derek said looking up at Hotch who caught and understood what Derek had said. Hotch knew that he was talking to Penelope and she had deduced what he would have done and what Em's reaction would be. Emily was furious with him but she didn't say a word, she merely nodded as she looked right at him with her eyes blazing telling him that she knew what he was doing.  
"Tell him he should know better than to upset a pregnant lady."  
"You tell him." Derek said passing the phone on to Hotch,  
"Do you not remember anything? You know better than to infuriate a pregnant lady."  
"I know,"  
"Aaron, she's pregnant not dying. Em is one of the best agents in the FBI. She's smart and more than capable of taking care and protecting herself. You know as well as I do that she wouldn't hesitate to step down if it meant endangering your baby. You need to trust her as the mother of your child and as an Agent."  
"Thanks Pen,"  
"So how badly in the dog house are you?"  
"Just call me Snoopy."  
"I'll give her a call as soon as I hang up. You apologize."  
"I will."  
"Good man."

Penelope spoke to Derek for a couple of minutes before they hung up and she as she was loading a box up full of equipment she would need she dialed Em's number,

"How's the queen of geographical profiling?"  
"Does he really think I would do anything stupid to endanger our baby?" Emily ranted without allowing Penelope to get a word in. A few minutes later when she had finished, Penelope spoke gently,  
"Honey, he loves you, you've just told him you're carrying his baby. Of course he wants to wrap you in bubble wrap. It's not because he doubts your ability or questions you judgement, he just doesn't want anything to happen to you. Especially out on the field, it would kill him if something happened to you or that baby,"  
"He better not stick on geographical profiling for my whole term because Pen, I will kill him."  
"Don't worry, he won't make that mistake again." Penelope assured her friend confidently.


	36. Moving Forward

Penelope and Mac enjoyed lunch by the boardwalk. After many weeks of being apart it was nice to have a conversation face to face. Mac had missed Penelope more than he was willing to admit to her, knowing that she would only worry about him.

"So…" She prompted.  
"So???" he mirrored,  
"Mackenzie Taylor." Penelope warned as he laughed out loud,  
"It sure is fun stirring you Mags."  
"I miss you too Kenz. Now tell me what's going on with you." She admitted before proceeding to prod,  
"I asked Stella out." Penelope's jaw dropped as Mac watched her reaction in amusement  
"I take it you approve," He said dryly.  
"Ugh, yes. What happened? What did I miss? How long has this been going on?"  
"Calm down, we were just hanging out the other day as per usual and I don't know we were sitting at my apartment watching some random old movie, and I was just looking at her and I knew I was ready. I will always love Sarah, and I know that I have always had her blessing, but in my heart I was never ready to let her go, which is why despite what I was feeling for Stella I couldn't pursue it because I didn't want to go into it half heartedly and hurt her in the end, she means too much to me to take that kind of risk with her without knowing for sure you know." Penelope nodded and silently prodded him to go on,

Stella could feel that Mac had a lot on his mind, he had barely said a word all evening, and though they had never had an uncomfortable silence between them she was beginning to worry. She knew that he was missing Penelope, in fact they all were. It just wasn't the same without her, but she sensed it was more than that. She turned and caught him looking at her,

"Mac, are you okay?" she asked worriedly, as he hesitated  
"Stell, I want to say something, and I need you to hear me okay."  
"Okay," Stella said slowly encouraging him to go on.  
"I know we've been dancing around our feelings for years now, well more me than anything. I know you've stood by patiently allowing me to go my own pace, and I really appreciate that. I care about you Stella, I really do. Not only as one of my best friends, but as someone who's in love with you. Throughout the years I've just tried to brush it off because I wasn't ready, and I didn't ever want to do anything to jeopardize our relationship and friendship. When Sarah came into my life, I didn't think it was possible to love anything or anyone outside her. She was my whole world, and when I lost her, it felt like I lost myself. Penelope got me off the ground, and she has been a consistent force in driving me out of that hole I fell in, as you have been. I don't remember a time when you weren't there Stell. I am who I am today because of who you have been in my life. You've not only allowed me to be my own person, but you encouraged and demanded nothing less. You've never pushed but just stood there and let me be. In the last couple of months, watching Pen take a risk in the name of True Love challenged me. I know I love you, I've always known, and I know I've taken my time, and I am hoping I'm not too late, but I really love you Stell and was hoping you'd give this, us a chance." Stella sat there for a moment in a state of shock waiting for her mind to process so she can react appropriately,  
"Mac, I don't know what to say." She whispered clearly taken by surprise. Mac cupped her face with his hand as he drew his lips to hers softly but definitively. With tears in her eyes Stella found herself responding to his kiss matching the years of bottled up emotions that bubbled beneath them both.

"Wow…so that's why little Miss has been very evasive and quick on the phone."  
"We drew straws on who got to tell you. If she won she would have driven up." Penelope laughed knowing that Stella would be bursting to tell her,  
"She's going to tell Liv when they get in next weekend."  
"Is she going to last that long?" Penelope asked doubtfully  
"Well now that you know it the tally of the people who know just went up to three and you'd be the one she'd want to bounce off to the most so I think she'll be fine."  
"Wow. I'm really happy for you Kenz. Stella is great. She brings out the best in you and she allows you to be you. She never pushes, well in an intrusive way."  
"She's amazing. I can't believe she's willing to give me a chance."  
"She loves you. She would rather wait for you than settle for something less than what she wants. She has always wanted you and she was never going to compromise with that."  
"And I am so grateful."  
"So she's your reason to drive back early huh?" Penelope asked with a cheeky grin while Mac Taylor blushed,  
"Yeah, we're heading to the cabin this weekend."  
"Then you have my blessing to leave early Friday so you have time to get ready."  
"You sure?" he asked  
"Yeah, I'm not one to deny my brother of a romantic weekend with his girlfriend."  
"Aww, see that's why I love you," Penelope rolled her eyes and gave him a playful shove with her shoulder. Mac draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, dropping a kiss on her temple.  
"I want you to know, this doesn't change anything Mags. We're family and nothing can ever change that."  
"I know,"  
"But?" he said catching a look in her eye,  
"There's just so many changes, with your life and my life, what's to say a day won't come and we're no longer us. I like us Kenz."  
"Oh Kiddo, things will inevitably change, and they already have but it doesn't have to be for the worst. You know what you mean to me in my life, and I know my place in yours. Will it become harder, I'm sure it will be, but I don't need to see you and you don't need to see me to know that if you need me, I'm only a phone call away."  
"I know, it's silly and it's selfish, but I've been spoiled. I've had you to myself for so many years that even though it's Stella and I love her and can't imagine you being with anyone but her, I just, I'm going to miss you more, if that makes sense?"  
"Perfect sense." He said knowingly, and it hit Penelope what he meant.  
"I'm sorry if I abandoned you Kenz."  
"You never abandoned me Mags. I always knew you were there. Admittedly it was a little different after you were gone, but it forced me to reassess and realise I needed to go after what I want and let go of what I've been so scared to let go of."  
"She'd be happy you're moving forward Kenz. Both of them."


	37. De Ja Vue

Much to the girls disappointment Emily was out on a case when Stella and Liv arrived Friday afternoon. Penelope jumped up from her couch when she heard their knock on the door. They had called a few minutes before to let her know that they were close by as they always did. When she swung the door open she grinned at the sight of her best girlfriends standing there with their over night bags thrown over their shoulder seemingly younger than they truly were ready for a slumber party. Penelope was engulfed into their arms for a much anticipated hug. It had only been weeks since they had last seen each other but so much had happened in their time apart. The official engagement, which they had yet to announce to everyone else, Stella and Mac's finally getting together, Liv herself had news she had to share, and the of course there was Em's pregnancy.

"Oh my God Mags, we've missed you." Olivia exclaimed happily as their little trio was reunited.  
"I've missed you guys too. Come on in." Penelope said ushering them into her apartment. Stella and Olivia, no longer a stranger to the Prentiss/Garcia Sorority house habitually dumped their belongings in the spare bedroom and joined Penelope in the kitchen as she made them all a cup of tea.  
"So Miss Liv, you've heard my news and Stella shared hers on the way here I'm assuming." To which Stella was nodding to confirm,  
"…that leaves you. Something's going on with you. What is it? And don't even try to look, I don't know what you're talking about. You've been the queen of evasive and that's usually my throne, so spill, what's going on?" Olivia looked at her two friends and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and held back the tears as best as she could.  
"Elliott and I, we crossed a line, and we can't take it back. Now it's all weird and then yesterday Kathy came into the precinct and they're back together." Pen inwardly gasped, not so much that something had finally eventuated with Liv and El, but that he would complicate his life by going back to his wife, after everything that had happened.  
"Oh sweetheart," Penelope said softly wrapping her arms around her friend as Stella held one of Liv's hand.  
"I don't know what happened. It was so simple, we were partners, he was my best friend, and then one day it became this. Everything was so intense all the time, and we became fiercely over protective of each other, for all the wrong reasons. How did we get here?" Liv asked in quiet desperation.  
"Honey, you were more married to that man that his wife ever was."  
"Because he was my partner,"  
"Do you doubt he cares about you?"  
"Of course not, but I know how much he loves his wife and I would never come between that."  
"So what do you want to do?" Pen asked though she recognised a runner when she saw one,  
"I told Cragen I was going to take some time off. He knows how hard the last case was for me, and though he was surprised that I am willingly taking myself off the line of duty, he was more than happy to give me his blessing."  
"Does Elliott know?"  
"He knows I'm coming here for the weekend."  
"Your luggage states differently," Stella observed, she had noticed that Olivia had brought a larger bag than usual.  
"Yeah, I was hoping to hide out here awhile if that was okay with Mags and Em."  
"I'm sure it won't be a problem honey. We'll work something out."  
"I'd hate to point out the obvious, you do realise if you don't show up on Monday and he realises that you've taken time off it'd be easy for him to find you."  
"I know, but he won't."  
"How are you so sure?" Pen asked,  
"Because I know him." Was all Olivia said simply

Just as they were getting dinner organised, Stella working on the vegetables while Penelope kept her eye on the roast in the oven, Olivia was setting the table.

"How do we navigate this?" Stella asked  
"Carefully, she's ready to fall apart." Penelope replied recognising the signs, it was a little too close to home. Stella quickly gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.  
"Penelope Garcia I love you for making the apartment smell this way, but you better have enough for me too," bellowed a voice from the doorway. Stella and Penelope exchanged a smile before looking up to see Emily standing by the door. Olivia grinned and excitedly made her way towards their friend.  
"What happened, when I spoke to Derek earlier he didn't mention you guys were coming home."  
"That's because I wanted to surprise you guys, so I asked him not to say anything." Emily answered as she gave each friend a hug hello.  
"Em, I love you and you're far from fat but did you gain weight?" Stella asked carefully as Penelope smirked.  
"I'm pregnant." Emily announced excitedly as Olivia and Stella squealed with excitement throwing their arms around her.  
"You have been quiet the secret keeper." Olivia accused pointing a teasing finger at Penelope who merely shrugged sheepishly.  
"So tell us, how far, and what's the plans?"  
"Before I do, Pen, Derek had something for you but in all the excitement I left it in my car."  
"I'll go get it." Pen assured her taking the car keys from her friend. As she closed the door behind her she saw him leaning against the wall smiling.  
"Hi Baby." He greeted, and with only two steps she was wrapped tightly against his chest.  
"I've missed you Baby Girl."  
"Me too." She murmured against his chest.  
"I know you have the girls, but I just couldn't go home without seeing you first."  
"I'm glad!"  
"You okay P?" Derek asked sensing that not all was well with her.  
"Yeah I'm okay. Just worried about Liv that's all, she's in the middle of something at the moment."  
"Anything I can do?"  
"No, but thanks for asking Baby"

Penelope stayed in his arms for a few more moments before reluctantly remembering that she had a roast in the oven. Derek kissed her tenderly on the lips before hugging her once more. By the time she walked back into the apartment she noticed that the girls had changed into their comfortable clothes ready for a night of movies, talking and high volumes of junk food. She could also tell from the worried look that Emily threw at her when she walked in that Olivia had filled her in. At dinner, they encouraged Olivia to let it all out, and thankfully she was cooperative and not insisting on burying it deep within.

"I know I speak for both Pen and I that you can stay here for as long as you want. The amount of time each of us spend in this apartment varies, so if you were wanting some time to yourself, the chances are you'd get it here, but if you're wanting to just hang with your girlfriends, just say the word. We usually come home most nights anyway."  
"Thanks guys I appreciate it. I was hoping to make this my base. I was actually thinking of heading over to Florence to visit one of my college friends and bum out there awhile."  
"Honey, how long did you tell Cragen you were going for?" Penelope asked worriedly,  
"I didn't give him a time per say, he said to take my time, so I plan to."  
"Have you ever taken more than a couple of days off?" Emily asked doubtfully,  
"No, which is why I have so much leave owing to me, I may as well use it till I know what I want to do."  
"Where are your thoughts leading?" Stella asked realising the Olivia was ready to walk away from her life in New York, at least indefinitely.  
"I'm not sure. All I know is that I don't want to be in New York right now." Penelope couldn't fault her for that. She was after all the girl that ran to New York for a lot less than that. Her heart broke for her friend, knowing how much she was hurting.

Leaving the heavy topic at the dinner table, the girls parked themselves in front of the TV after cleaning up the dishes. Stella had cleverly picked out friend flicks instead of romantic comedies, and they had a blast watching the classics like Girls just wanna have Fun, St Elmo's Fire and The Big Chill. By the last movie Liv was fast asleep and by the bags under her eyes they knew it was the first time she had allowed herself to just rest. Penelope ran her fingers through Liv's hair as she lay her head peacefully on her lap. Emily was curled up in one of the arm chairs snoring leaving Stella and Penelope to catch up.

"So how's Mac?" Pen asked mischievously,  
"You've been holding that in since we knocked on the door haven't you?" Stella asked highly amused,  
"Since his confession thank you very much," she corrected.  
"It's going much better than I ever imagined. I mean not much has really changed, but I don't know," Penelope's heart warmed to see the excitement on her friend's face.  
"I'm so glad Stell. I'm really happy for you both. I'm so glad he finally pulled his foot out of his butt."  
"I'm just glad he got there on his own." Stella admitted.  
"It's a long time coming Stell."  
"Is it ever." Stella let out a deep sigh as she fell back into her arm chair.

They stayed up talking for another hour before calling it a night. They decided to leave Liv on the couch not wanting to disturb her slumber, but woke Emily not wanting her to end up stiff the following morning from being curled up on the chair. They said good night to Stella and headed upstairs to their own rooms,

"Hey Mags,"

"Yeah Em,"  
"I know you're having flashbacks right now, but remember you're on the other side now, and there's a difference, whether he knew it or not, his heart was always in love with you, and there was no one else." Penelope met her friend's gaze with tears in her eyes and nodded.  
"I know, sometimes I still find it hard to believe that he would choose me."  
"It was never a choice Mags, it's always been you."  
"Thanks Em. I'm glad you're home Roomie."

Penelope was wide awake and opted for a long hot bath to soothe her to sleep. With her ear phones on she almost missed her phone vibrating beside her on the window sill.

"Hey Baby." She greeted,  
"Hey princess, did I wake you?"  
"No, we said our good nights a little while ago but I was wide awake so I opted for a bath."  
"Did you girls have a good night?"  
"Yeah we did, we chilled mostly. Watching old movies and eating crap. Which may be acceptable at thirteen but I'm sure we will regret it tomorrow, or should I say later on today," as her eyes fell on the clock on the wall sporting that it was three in the morning.  
"What are you doing awake?" she asked,  
"I couldn't sleep. I also wanted to check in on you, you seemed a little upset earlier."  
"Aww I'm fine Dirk,"  
"What's going on with Liv?" Penelope bit her lip before answering knowing Olivia wouldn't mind her telling Derek. Derek listened as she gave him a recount of Liv's story.  
"What is she going to do?"  
"Hang here awhile. I think she's heading to Florence and do some travelling, she has more leave that all of us put together, she'd be able to take her time."  
"Does that worry you?"  
"No. I know it's running, but sometimes you need to run so that you can stop everyone else's voice in your head and hear your own. They have been partners for twelve years. She's spent more time with him than his own wife I can understand why she would not want to be in his presence after what happened between them."  
"But Florence is so far away,"  
"He's not like you Derek, whether it be Florence or Virginia, Elliott Stabler will not come after her."  
"But he loves her,"  
"He does, but he also loves Kathy and they have children together. Whether they fail or succeed Olivia knows that Elliott owes it to his children to keep trying, however wrong that may be to those who can only see one or two sides. Especially now with Elliott Jnr, he has to try even harder."  
"Then why try with Liv at all?"  
"You and I both know that you deny yourself something you want so badly that one day it will explode on your face. Besides wouldn't you rather try than wonder for the rest of your life?"  
"I guess, it makes me even more grateful for us P."  
"Me too handsome."  
"I love you P,"  
"I love you too Derek."


	38. Options

The girly weekend did wonders for Olivia's spirit. Penelope, Stella and Emily kept a close eye on her from afar. Olivia knew that they were worried about her and she appreciated that they were giving her space but with plenty of love. Stella had reluctantly left without Olivia's and made Penelope promise to give her a play by play. Penelope loved that without being told the boys had gathered protectively around her, making her laugh and nurturing her and it reminded her of Danny and Donnie when she first returned to New York. She started to relax knowing Liv was going to be okay...eventually.

"Aunt P, can Aunt Liv and I go to the park?" James asked as Penelope cooked dinner,  
"If your Aunt Liv is up for it." Penelope answered giving Olivia a 'you don't have to if you don't want to' look.  
"Sounds good to me Kiddo. Grab your jacket and we'll get going." James didn't need to be told twice. For the last week he's enjoyed having Olivia around. She roughed it out with him and he loved that. Penelope was grateful that he was taking her mind off things.  
"Bye Aunt P," James said flinging his arms around her waist.  
"Have fun little man." Penelope said returning his hug.

Penelope watched as James started talking animatedly telling Olivia about his day, as though he hadn't already the moment they picked him up from school, but Olivia simply enjoyed him. Olivia had spent the week enveloped within their friends/family. She took walks on her own, and enjoyed some time to herself while Em and Penelope were at work. She loved meeting up with them later in the afternoon to hang out and maybe have dinner, it was all laid back and she felt safe. She refused to allow herself to think of Elliott but if she were honest with herself, every fibre of her being wanted to turn her phone on to see if he even just checked in to see if she was okay. Whatever the answer, she knew it would hurt, so her cell phone remained switched off. For now she was using a prepaid number that Penelope kept in case of emergencies, just so they all knew how to reach her and vice versa.

"Hey P," Derek greeted pulling his fiancé into his arms hugging her tightly from behind,  
"Hey Baby, how was work?" she asked squirming as he nipped her earlobe.  
"It was pretty quiet. Speaking of which, why is it quiet in here. Where's our little terror?"  
"He and Aunt Liv went to the park, and will be back shortly so don't even think about it Derek Morgan." She admonished lightly smacking the hand that began to creep beneath her shirt.  
"Aww P."  
"Would you really want to scar our son with that image, not to mention give Liv a heart attack." Derek grinned mischievously,  
"I love that you say our son." He said cupping her chin with his palm as she turned to look at him, the adoration clear in his eyes he dropped his lips to hers.

"Aunt Liv, can I ask you a question?" James asked hesitantly biting his lower lip,  
"Of course honey, what's up?"  
"Do you think Aunt P will let me call her Mom if I asked her?"  
"Oh Sweetheart, she'd be thrilled. Have you been thinking about this for awhile?" she asked as he nodded.  
"Even before she and Dad got together."  
"She'd love it Kiddo."  
"You think?"  
"I know. I've known your Aunt P for ages, and she's one of my best friends so I can guarantee you she'll love it."

"Thanks Aunt Liv, I'm really glad you're here." James Derek Morgan said affectionately wrapping his arms around her neck where she was sitting on her swing. Olivia smiled trying her best to hold the tears in,  
"I don't like you being sad Aunt Liv." James whispered in her ear,  
"More and more like your Mommy Pen every day you know that." She replied looking at him as he smiled his best Morgan smile,  
"I'm okay honey I promise." She assured him giving him a tight squeeze back.

By the time they arrived back at the Morgan's they were just about ready to eat dinner. Emily and Hotch had not long since arrived. Hotch picked up James and threw him over the shoulder as James squealed happily, Hotch swung him around so that he could see Emily who bent down to kiss his cheek.

"Aunty Em, baby kicking yet?" he asked excitedly,  
"Not yet, he's still too little bud, but don't you worry, the moment he starts kicking I'll make sure Uncle Aaron drives me right on over so you can feel it."  
"Cool!" James exclaimed still hanging up side down. Olivia sat beside Penelope on the couch enjoying the exchange between Emily, Hotch and James.  
"She's going to be an amazing mother." Olivia observed.  
"That she will be," Pen agreed watching as James wrapped his arms around her neck as Hotch carried him.  
"That's one awesome kid you have there Pen."  
"He truly is."  
"He's lucky to have you."  
"We're lucky to have each other." Pen replied with a smile  
"Permission to bring up unspoken subject of your plans,"  
"Sure," Olivia granted with a smile,  
"I was talking to Hotch earlier and he wanted me throw an idea in your direction to see if it would spark your interest."  
"Really?"  
"Would you ever consider the BAU?" Olivia gasped at the suggestion,  
"It's just a matter of completing a course, which you can do while working on the field as a trainee."  
"Wow,"  
"Em's going to need a replacement eventually, and your reputation upholds. It's a change from sex crimes, and though in some level equally traumatic, it's a change." Olivia remained silent for a moment as she began to process it all in her head.  
"It's just a thought, Hotch has been thinking about it for awhile, even before Em got pregnant, there's always been something about you that he thought would do great at the BAU, but no pressure. Take it, don't take it. I just wanted you to know you had it as an option."  
"Thanks Mags, it certainly would be a nice change."  
"As I said think about it, I know you have a million things going on in your head, I guess I just wanted you to know that you do have options."  
"I will do. I think ten years in Sex Crimes is enough, and I can feel myself start to crack, it's nice to know that I have options."  
"And having you in Virginia full time wouldn't be so bad for me." Penelope teased  
"That would be a huge perk for me too. I love New York and the boys, but I have never felt more at home anywhere than I do here." Olivia admitted to herself out loud. Penelope understood and placed her hand over Olivia's and gave it a squeeze.

Their meal turned into chaos as it always did, when the dishes were done, James kissed each of the ladies before being carried into his room by Hotch who had his legs and Derek who had his arms. Side by side the three of them sunk into the couch and sighed in deep content as they each held a steaming mug of hot chocolate close to their face.

"A girl could get used to this." Liv stated.  
"It's always open to you honey. We're you're self proclaimed family. Here when and if you need us." Emily replied sincerely as Pen smiled in agreement.  
"I'm ready to move on from him, it'll hurt like hell but I need to. We can't be friends, not like this, whatever eventuates as so called friendship from this would be a lie. It's not even an ultimatum of Kathy or Me, I would never make him choose, he and I both know that there's no happy ending for us. Even if we get together there is always that element of betrayal to her, and he will not be able to live with himself."

As she said the words, her friends could only nod in support, knowing that she was right. Elliott will always be tied to Kathy, while it was possible for men who separate from their wives to move on and make a new life with another. It was not so simple for them. For over a decade their lives have been so intertwined that there almost wasn't any boundaries. Add to it their latest boo boo, there was no way of making a recovery from that.

"Are you sure about this?" Em asked carefully.

"Can you imagine being partners again after what happened?"  
"I couldn't…" Emily admitted.  
"There lies my tie breaker. Truth is, I've been doing Sex Crimes for over a decade and it's not so easy to recover. If Pen hadn't suggested what she did, I probably would have quit and looked into counseling as a profession instead, or teaching. Pen can I borrow your car this weekend? I should talk to Cragen."  
"Of course hon,"  
"Em, is it okay if I stay with you till I figure out what I'm doing and find a more permanent place to live."  
"Hon, you can stay for as long as you want. If you decide to take Hotch up on his offer, you're more than welcome to move in. That third room is a spare room, and when little Miss here gets married you can have her bedroom, it's bigger." Em said with a smile.  
"I've been engaged a month and she's already kicking me out." Pen said wounded,  
"Oh please…" Em replied rolling her eyes.  
"Hey Em, what do you say we take a road trip this weekend and surprise Mac and Stella?" Pen said suggestively,  
"Sounds great to me."  
"Thanks you guys." Olivia said appreciating the solidarity.  
"Sure, what are friends for?" Em said with a shrug.

Before Olivia could start crying again James had flown out of his room remembering he had almost forgotten to do something. Derek and Hotch followed close behind curious as James made a bee line for Penelope,

"What's up Cupcake?" Pen asked affectionately tugging on the hem of his shirt. James looked at Olivia who gave him a thumbs up realizing what little James Morgan was about to do,  
"Aunt P, is ok, would you mind, can I, can I call you Mom?" James dropped his gaze to the floor as he fidgeted from where he stood. Penelope glanced up at Derek and Hotch who were smiling. She sat up and lifted his chin gently to meet her gaze,  
"I would love it honey." She answered with tears in her eyes. James grinned and launched himself into her arms knocking them both into the couch.  
"I love you Mom." He whispered into her ear,  
"I love too Baby."


	39. Decisions

The weekend came soon enough, Olivia, Pen, and Emily drove Morgan's SVU to New York. The muscles in Cragen's heart tightened as he saw his detective walk in. Penelope and Emily came in case she needed the re-enforcements, in the occurrence that Elliott was in the station, they would be her distraction tool. To Olivia's relief, he was not in the office, but Munch and Tuotola were there, and she knew that she would need to tell them face to face. She owed them that much. She gave them a quick wave before heading to Cragen's office. Penelope and Emily sat with the boys and caught up with the latest happenings in each other's lives.

"Liv?"  
"I want you to know that I didn't come to this decision easily, that for the first time I have to do what's right for me. Sir, I quit. I don't want to do this anymore." Olivia said letting out a huge sigh. Though Cragen knew there was much more to it than that, he also understood that she had been doing Sex Crimes for over a decade, and she deserved a new beginning, especially if she was the one seeking it.  
"I'm assuming this is an effective immediately request." He said somewhat unnecessarily.  
"Yes," Olivia answered apologetically.  
"What are your plans?"  
"I was thinking of travelling a bit. The BAU loosely offered me a position that I have to admit is really intriguing, but I haven't made any decisions yet. I was hoping to use my unused leave to live it up for awhile."  
"Are you staying in New York?"  
"No, I want to move to Virginia. With Pen's wedding coming up and Emily's pregnancy, it would be nice to be a little closer than a couple of hours drive." Cragen knew that Penelope, Stella and now Emily were the closest to family she had, and though their team had grown close in the past decade, it wasn't the same. It was only natural that she would feel drawn to family after such a huge decision and a period of unknown.  
"Well, you know that if you ever need anything, you call me."  
"I do, thank you. I'm going to go and tell the boys now, but thank you Sir for everything." Cragen stood up and drew Olivia into a fatherly hug,  
"Any time of day, you hear me?"  
""Yes Sir." Olivia swallowed the tears that threatened to overtake her and slipped out of Cragen's office unable to look back knowing that if she did she would see the sadness in his eyes, and she didn't want to see that.

Telling the boys was hard for Olivia, they had gone across the road to the pub to tell them while Penelope and Emily offered to stay back and pack up her desk and locker, to which she gratefully accepted. Penelope and Emily didn't take long as there were very little personal belongings in both her desk and her locker. They had reassured Cragen that they would keep him in the loop with what was going on, and that they would take care of Olivia before they went to wait for Olivia in the car as planned.

"He's going to be livid when he realises what she's done." Emily said out loud as she sat at the back seat of the SUV.  
"Yeah, he will be, but he knows there's nothing either of them can do. He may love her, but he'll never allow himself to be free of the guilt that would inevitably arise with Kathy. He would rather stay with Kathy for the wrong reasons than be with Liv for the right one, and she deserves better than that."  
"I wholeheartedly concur. Pen, what would you have done if Derek didn't fight for you?"  
"I would have made sure that I never saw him again." Penelope answered without a thought.  
"There was no way in the world he would have ever not fought for you. You're his whole world." Emily added as Penelope smiled at her friend,  
"I am so glad that he did. I could not imagine what my life would have been like if he wasn't a part of it."  
"So have you two agreed on a location yet?" Em asked.  
"To get married? Yes, there's a church that my Mother loved, near California. It's on top of the mountain, buried beneath the trees. It's one of those really old churches, but it's so well kept that you can't tell, it's beautiful. My parents got married there, and my mother visited that church every chance she got despite how far it was from where we lived."  
"That sounds awesome Mags."  
"I haven't been there in ages, after she died, it seemed like the magic was lost, but in my heart I always knew that it was where I wanted to get married. I spoke to Derek about it, and he's all for it. We're not really wanting a huge wedding just our family/team. The NY crew, so we've rented this huge house near by to house all of us in immediate family, and we have it for like a a couple of weeks so whoever can make it come early, and there's a small cabin on the other side of the property where the girl's can stay the night before the wedding. It's where Derek and I will be staying after the wedding leaving you guys with the big house."  
"Wow! That'll be so much fun."  
"That's the plan. Em, there's something I wanted to talk to you about, and bounce off you, I don't know how you'll feel about it,"  
"Shoot,"  
"Derek wants to ask you to be his Best Man, obviously I wanted you to be in my bridal party but it really means a lot to him if you stand beside him as his best man."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, so he's going to ask you but I wanted to give you a heads up and tell you it's okay with me, I do however want you to have your own bridesmaid's dress so you can take photos with the girls too." Emily grinned, touched that Pen didn't want her to miss out.  
"I would love it. So who's your Maid of Honour?"  
"Mac? I thought about having him give me away, but the more I thought about it, the more I wanted him to be the one standing beside me. Which leads me to the other thought I had, do you think Hotch would be okay if I asked him to walk me down the aisle. With the exception of Mac, there's no one better I can think of,."  
"Oh Pen, he'd be thrilled. He'd love it."  
"Good, I hope so."  
"So let's talk bridal party?"  
"Stell, Liv, JJ and Lindsay will be bridesmaids. Spence, Rossi, Donnie and Danny are Groomsmen, Jack and James are ring bearers and JJ's Hannah, and Lindsay's Ella will be our flower girls, by then they will be big enough to walk part of the way at least."  
"When will the wedding be?"  
"Next year."  
"Derek must be counting the days,"  
"Yup, we both are."

Liv joined them a little while later, looking a lot better than they expected she would, but both Munch and Tutuola knew her well, and they looked out for her. They had noticed more than they let on, and they could only give her their blessing after she promised to remain in touch.

"So Em, can I move in?"  
"Shall we start packing?" was Emily only reply grinning. Penelope gave Olivia's hand a brief squeeze before starting the car and driving to Olivia's apartment.  
"So what'd I miss? It seems like you guys were having a pretty in depth conversation before I joined you?"  
"I made Pen talk wedding."  
"Aww, so did you decide? Mac or Hotch?" Liv asked knowing she was tossing between the two.  
"Hotch, I thought the Maid of Honour idea for Mac was perfect." Pen answered with a grin.  
"Hmm, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation."  
"I'll be sure to give you a play by play, which brings me to the eternal question, would you be one of my bridesmaids?"  
"Oh my gosh of course!" Olivia exclaimed excitedly.

For the rest of the afternoon as they packed up Olivia's apartment and the minimal amount of stuff she had, they talked wedding. When the packing was done they decided to surprise Mac and Stella with dinner knowing that they had been on a case all day.

"What are you three crazies doing here?" Mac asked as she entered his apartment to find the three girls setting up the Chinese food on the coffee table. Penelope placed the plates on the coffee table before greeting him with a huge hug hello.  
"We were in the neighbourhood and thought we'd bring you guys dinner. Where's Stell?"  
"On her way, Lindsay asked her to drop by quickly for something."  
"She okay?"  
"Yeah, the baby needed something and Danny's still in the lab with Adam so she asked if Stella could grab it for her. She just called, she's about five minutes away."  
"Good to see you Kenz."  
"You too Mags!" he said hugging her tightly.  
"I've missed you." She whispered,  
"Back at ya Kiddo."

After Stella arrived they dug into dinner and filled both Mac and Stella in on the latest happenings. Though both were taken aback by Liv's drastic decision, they understood it. Penelope had cornered Mac in the kitchen as they scooped up ice cream for dessert,

"So Kenz, I have a favour to ask,"  
"Uh oh, the last time you uttered those words I was springing you, Vannah and Sarah from Campus security because you guys dumped paint on the head of the Kappa president…"  
"Which I still stand by the fact that it was well deserved, but this is different,"  
"Okay, shoot."  
"Will you stand beside me as my Maid of Honour? The easiest and more obvious role for you would be the person to walk me down the aisle, but I don't want you to give me away Kenz, you're one of my best friends, you're my oldest friend, with the now exception of Derek, no one knows me better than you do, and I want you to be standing beside me on the most important day of my life so far."  
"I would be honoured Mags." He replied pulling her into a tight embrace.

After dinner, they decided that it was early enough to drive home. Liv took over the driving from Pen knowing the she was tired. Penelope sensed that her friend needed to process the day activities and left her to drive in peace. Both Pen and Emily were asleep when they reached Virginia. Emily stirred as Hotch caressed her cheek with his hand,

"Let's get you to bed sweetheart." He whispered soothingly in Em's ear as she stirred. Incoherently she nodded as Hotch carefully lifted her out of the car  
"Thanks for dropping her here Liv."  
"No problems."  
"You okay?" he asked sincerely  
"I will be. Thank you." She replied gratefully. She gave him one last wave before pulling out of his driveway. Ten minutes later she was at Morgan's apartment complex where we waited for his bride to be to be delivered.  
"You okay?" he greeted as she pulled up. Olivia chuckled, still getting used to their over protectiveness.  
"I'm good thanks, you know if you ever need to just bounce off, we're all here."  
"I do know that, thank you I truly appreciate it."  
"It's what families do Liv." He replied sincerely before making his way to Penelope's side of the SUV.  
"Come on Princess, let's get you tucked in." he whispered placing his lips on her forehead.  
"Liv," she said clearly confused,  
"Will see you tomorrow," he answered.  
"She okay?" Penelope asked sleepily,  
"She's fine." Liv answered giving her friend a reassuring pat on the arm as Derek easily lifted her out of the car.  
"Take all the time you need Liv." Derek said knowing that she just needed some time to herself.  
"I will thank you. I'll call her tomorrow and drop off your car."  
"No rush. Take it easy. You know where we are if you need us."


	40. A new season begins

"Hey anybody home?" Liv called out as she walked into their now apartment. A commotion upstairs answered her question as she heard both friends squeal and excitedly make their way down the stairs to greet her.  
"Careful preggy, don't want you going into false labour from excitement, Hotch would kill me." Liv said as she set her luggage aside.

That weekend that she picked up her belongings from New York, she had sat down and talked to Hotch about his job offer. It was indeed to be a replacement for Emily, who was looking more and more pregnant. As Emily had a few months to go till she was due to go on Maternity leave, she had taken the opportunity to do as she said she would which was travel. She had left a few days after moving and headed straight to Italy where she briefly stayed with her friend and spent the remaining weeks travelling around. At the end of her whirlwind trip around Europe she spent a couple of weeks in a Villa by Florence. Emily and Penelope repeatedly teased her about buying her own house in Tuscany, as Diane Lane did in one of their favourite girly flicks Under the Tuscan Sun, which would have been possible but unrealistic, as much as she appreciated the culture, the serenity and peace, quiet living wasn't for her. She wasn't made for the village life, so made the most of her couple of weeks in Florence, going on long walks, going to the Markets, reading, and just healing. Elliott had finally made contact, in her first week away. He had found out Monday morning from Cragen that she had handed her resignation in. Liv knew that Munch and Tuotola would keep the information to themselves till it was official from Cragen. They cared about Liv and they weren't blind. They knew that Elliott played a part in her decision. Elliott had waited a few days before trying to call her, unable to fathom that she was indeed gone, and he knew it was all his fault. When he had finally called he realised that she had her number disconnected. Elliott knew that she would be with her friends, and it was a matter of calling Pen or even Stella to give him her number, and he knew that even if they refused, they would reassure him that she would be okay. In the end he had written her an email, and all he could say was 'I'm sorry. At first it angered Olivia, which eventually turned to frustration and after almost eight weeks of being away, she was resolved. She had done the right thing, and maybe one day, thinking about him wouldn't hurt so bad, and the idea of being in the same room as him wouldn't make her nauseas with anxiety. Who knew? All she knew as she stepped out of the plane was that she was ready for the next chapter of her life.

"Olivia Benson, why didn't you tell us you were coming home? I thought you had another week."  
Penelope admonished wanting to have picked her from the airport.  
"I got home sick so I thought I'd head back a week early and bum around before I officially start as BAU"s newest Agent."  
"I'm so glad you're home." Penelope said pulling her friend into a tight hug.  
"Me too." Emily piped in from behind Pen awaiting her turn.  
"Oh my Gosh you are you are pregnant!" Liv exclaimed seeing that Emily had blossomed beautifully in the weeks that she was away.  
"Did she just call me fat?" Emily asked out loud with a mock warning tone.  
"Of course not, you're beautiful Em. Pregnancy becomes you." Liv assured her friend as she hugged her hello.  
"Nice save Agent Benson."  
"I do like the sound of that. So do you guys have plans tonight? Who's up for dinner? Anything but Italian." Penelope and Emily chuckled,  
"How about we order in Chinese, so you can shower and get into your PJ's and you can tell us all about your trip."  
"That sounds like a plan. I'll go dump my stuff and jump in the shower, you two are in charge of ordering."  
"Be prepared for lots and lots of food, Em is currently eating for a village."  
"I resent that!" Emily cried out in protest while Penelope draped an arm over her friend.  
"I love you."  
"Whatever, order already and don't forget my garlic and pepper chicken." Em replied with mock annoyance as Penelope dropped a kiss on her friend's temple before grabbing the phone. Olivia laughed and headed to her bedroom to quickly unpack and shower.

Half an hour later they were all in their PJ's sitting on the couch as Olivia gave them a play by play of her travels with a brief slide show of her photos in her lap top.

"So it was good?" Pen asked,  
"Yeah it really was. I had the most amazing time just plodding along from country to country, seeing what I wanted to see. I met some great people along the way which was nice, but mostly, it was time to myself that I have needed and wanted for a long time, and it did wonders. I'm ready for the next chapter of my life."  
"That's great hon. I'm glad. So have you,"  
"What heard from him?" Liv said completing Em's sentence, while her two friends nodded,  
"Yeah I did, on my first week. All it said was I'm sorry. I mean, what can one really say to that so I just deleted it? Don't get me wrong, I wanted to rip his head off when I got that email, but eight weeks of soul searching gets you to a point of resolve where you just accept it, and I do, and I have. Kathy for all terms and purposes is his wife, and yeah it may even be rocky, but he loves her, he loves what she represents, it's what grounds him. He may love me, but at the end of the day, if guilt didn't kill him, it would just destroy us. This way, I got to walk away without road kill. His kids would never know, Kathy would never know."  
"But honey, you threw yourself under that bus for the sake of his happiness, you're his road kill."  
"I may be, but no one was mine." Liv said quietly.

Olivia settled into the team seamlessly, in large part due to the fact that she was already part of their family fold. She developed a closer bond to Rossi who admittedly had taken her under his wing. At seven and a half months Emily was forced to go on Maternity leave earlier than anticipated due to Baby Hotchner's impatience to meet the world way before he/she was due. Much to Emily's dismay she was on house arrest and confined to the bed or couch. Penelope started working from home more and more to keep an eye out on Emily without seeming to be which Emily appreciated as Aaron was hovering to the point that Penelope had thrown herself in the middle before Emily inflicted bodily harm on the father of their child.

Shortly after Jacob Derek Hotchner arrived in all of his screaming glory. Aaron who had been on a case in New York with rest of their team almost didn't make it. Mac had led the SUV convoy all the way back to Virginia with the siren on and a grateful Aaron in the front passenger seat praying hard that he would not miss his child's birth.


	41. Talking it over

Jacob Derek Hotchner was welcomed with open, loving and doting arms of not only his parents and brother but his token Aunts and Uncles who showered him with so much love and attention that he could almost pass as spoiled. Just like his brother and token cousin were.

Emily and Baby JD went home to the new house that Emily and Hotch had picked out to accommodate both their boys, and whatever addition they were yet to have. James and Jack were thrilled with the bunk beds that Emily had picked out for them as they were starting to spend more and more time sleeping over each other's house.

Penelope and Derek were also building their own home close to the Hotchner's house. Derek had sold one of his investment properties as Penelope had taken a chunk out of her trust to buy their spacious home. Their home had a big enough lot that they were able to build Fran her Cottage at the back, giving her the privacy she needed while still being close to them.

Olivia had taken over Emily's apartment. Penelope was staying in the apartment till she and Derek were married, which was only a couple of months after Emily gave birth as they were not due to move into their new home till just before the wedding. Grandma Fran's surprise cottage was not yet finished, and they wanted to reveal her surprise when it was completed.

Reid moved into the apartment with Penelope and Olivia a month before the Morgan nuptial. His lease was up and Olivia had offered him a room. He was like the little brother she never had, and though Reid was close to Penelope, he had a connection with Olivia that often left him baffled, instinctively, whether on the job or in general they got each other, looked out for each other.

"Hey Brat, we won't be home till late tonight." Liv said as she and Penelope passed Reid's desk on their way  
"What, you're both abandoning me? I thought that was just Pen's thing?" he answered teasingly  
"Very funny Boy Genius! We're going Bridesmaid's dress fitting, you're more than welcome to come." Penelope retorted with a sparkling gleam in her eye  
"Err, tempting but no thanks. You guys enjoy."  
"I thought so. We're going to pick up Lindsay and Stella from the airport, JJ's going to pick up Emily and we're all meeting at the Promenade. If anyone looks for us, you're the gatekeeper!"  
"Fabulous, I live for nothing less." Reid replied sarcastically,  
"More and more like you every day." Penelope said accusingly at Olivia who shrugged her shoulders and laughed,  
"He makes me so proud!" Olivia said ruffling his head as they headed out the door. Reid rolled his eyes and went back to his book.

"I love it Mags." Olivia stated as she smoothed over the bottom part of the dress.  
"So do I." Emily agreed as JJ zipped her up into her dress. Stella, JJ and Lindsay nodded concurring. They had finally picked a colour combination of brown and light shade of pink for a little Penelope flair. The girls dresses were similar, but not the same. Emily's was a V neck cross over with a pink ribbon around the waist, Olivia's was sleeveless, empire with the pink ribbon sitting just below her bust line, Stella's dress was halter at the top, pink lining edged the intricate cut. Lindsay and JJ opted for same styles, spaghetti two piece with pink edges across the top and a pink ribbon at the bottom to separate the pieces. All their dresses were full length, and as Penelope watched her bridesmaids fuss with their dresses excitedly her eyes welled with tears. It was the first time they had tried the dresses on. They had picked the designs and Penelope had them made.

"Oh Mags, water works already?" Stella asked draping an arm around her friend while the rest of them chuckled smiling.  
"That's fresh coming from the very people who were bawling when I finally found the perfect dress."  
"She has a point." Olivia said with a smile as she collapsed on to the couch on the other side of Penelope. Olivia gave her knee an affectionate pat,  
"We're all as bad as each other."

"Hey Beautiful,"  
"My handsome Prince, I've missed you today. I didn't get much love today." Penelope teased.  
"Hey, you knew where I was." Derek protested.  
"I know Baby, I was just teasing. How was your whole day with Strauss? Was it as much fun for you as I imagined it would be?"  
"Yeah, like being hit by a bus." He asked dryly.  
"That bad?" she asked concerned.  
"Nah Baby, it wasn't fun but it wasn't bad."  
"What did she want?" she asked knowing that he was summoned into Strauss' office that afternoon and spent the rest of the afternoon there.  
"Nothing much, we can talk about it this weekend, after the festivities." He assured her.  
"Nah uh buddy, you and me are going to talk tonight."  
"P, your friends are here and they've come all this way to hang with you. Do your girly things, get your dresses fitted whatever. Strauss will keep." Penelope bit her lower lip and looked at her friends who were just gathering their things getting ready to head out for dinner.  
"After dinner and catch up Em and Jayje have to head home to their babies. I'll drop Stella and Liv back to ours and I'll come over and you can fill me in."

"P, you don't have to. Honestly, it'll keep."

"Derek James Morgan..." Penelope said exasperatedly,

"Okay, okay. I'll come to you. James and I are going to hang at Hotch's for the evening. Chances are the kid will beg to sleep over. I'll come over after Em come home."

"Sheesh you're hard work Agent Morgan. There was a time when I didn't need to convince you to see me. Tired of me already?"

"Never..."

"Hmp!"

"Penelope!"

"Yeah Yeah. I'll see you tonight." she muttered hanging up turning her attention back to the girls.

"Everything okay?" Em asked asked being the first one out of the changing rooms.

"I think so. He's going to come over later to tell me about Strauss' summon." before Emily could reply the rest of their friends emerged from the change rooms.

With only three weeks before the wedding, their discussions were filled with wedding related specifics, typical girlfriends ticking all the possible outstanding boxes. By the time they had called it a night it was almost midnight.

Will came to pick up JJ and was in charge of driving both Emily and JJ home. Penelope had dropped Derek a message earlier when she suspected that the evening would progress later and later into the evening, especially after they had opted for Pizza instead going out to dinner. Reid had decided to join the men at Hotch's after the girls arrived not wanting to be their token male.

"So three weeks..." Stella began,  
"I know, its crazy isn't it." Penelope replied thoughtfully.  
"Excited?"  
"I am. I really am. I've been sneaking into the study almost every night just to look at it as though convincing myself that its all real."  
"If its not in the same room, not as easy to put it on was our theory." Olivia answered the confused look on their friend's face.  
"Ah makes sense."

As Lindsay fell into deep slumber in one of the chairs the three of them caught up. Stella admittedly missed having them nearby, just as much as they missed her. Stella was drilling Olivia about one of the new agents in their office that had been found lingering wherever Agent Benson was, when Penelope's phone began to vibrate on the coffee table where she last left it. Penelope excused herself and grabbed her phone,

"Hey you, its late." She answered. She had told him earlier that if he was certain it would keep that they could talk in the morning so that he wasn't staying up so late waiting to talk to her, especially after James had begged to sleep over at the Hotchners. Derek sensed that it was important for them to talk and decided to wait.  
"You still want to talk?"  
"Not if you don't want to. If you need the head space, it's okay. We can do it later." She answered quietly.  
"P, it's not that I didn't want to bounce it off to you. I was still processing."  
"I know."  
"But…"  
"But nothing." She replied playing with the hem of her top.  
"P."  
"You're obviously still processing, like you said it'll keep."  
"You're mad."  
"I'm not mad," a little hurt maybe. She continued only to herself.  
"Talk to me." Derek said running his hand over his hand  
"I thought the deal was we work through things together."  
"P, you're shouldering most of the wedding plans, navigating all our friends and all the planning, along with a full load at work, not to mention James, I didn't want to add to what's already an overflowing plate P."  
"Derek, you were in the office with Strauss the whole afternoon, you must know that alarm bells would be going off right now. It's got to be big if she's had you in there all that time. I'm no profiler but I'd say you guys were discussing something life altering, and if it is, I would assume in some small way that it would affect me, us, whatever, so it is a little disconcerting that the first thing you do after I ask you about it is blow me off."  
"It wasn't my intention to blow you off P. I honestly thought it could keep, that it wasn't important."  
"No, you were buying time because you're already making the decision whatever it is in your head, so that when we spoke about it, it would be done and dusted and all you would need to do is convince me." His silence spoke a thousand words, she knew him, and she knew him well.  
"Is this how it's going to be?" she asked softly, disappointment evident in her voice. Derek felt awful, knowing that she saw right through him.

"Listen, I have the girls waiting for me. I'll let you do your thing. Talk to me when you're ready." Without waiting for his response Penelope hung up. She knew that she was being too hard on him, but she didn't need him protecting her from decisions about their lives. Truth was, she knew what Strauss was proposing, and she wasn't opposed to it, what she was opposed to was his making what was seemingly the best decision for their family without consulting her. It took Penelope a good few minutes before she could convincingly shake off her frustration.

"I swear Stell, there's nothing more to the story than what I've already told you. Michael's just a friend. I promise you, the moment I think it's headed otherwise you and Pen would be the first to know."  
"You got that right!" Penelope exclaimed as she descended down the stairs from her room.  
"Ahh, we wondered about you? Everything okay?" Stella asked,  
"Yeah, all good. What'd I miss?"  
"Subtle segue." Olivia muttered sarcastically beneath her breath which Penelope chose to ignore.  
"How's Kenz?"  
"Good, sending you loads and loads of love. His words would you believe?"  
"How are you two?" Stella grinned,  
"We're going really well. Every day's a new day."  
"I'm so happy for you both honey, and thank you. I haven't seen him this happy in a really really long time."

Their catch up lasted well into the daylight, and Penelope couldn't help but be grateful for her girlfriends. All of them, especially Stella, Olivia and Emily who have been her pillars the last couple of years. Exhaustedly the three of them made their way into their respectable rooms, just as she and Olivia had hit the last step Olivia placed her hand on Penelope's arm,

"You and Derek really okay?"  
"Yeah, we are. I'm mad at him right now, but we'll talk later when I'm talked myself out of it."  
"Is it big?"  
"Potentially could be, which is why I'm going to nip it right in the bud now."  
"Good. If you need to talk, I'm just across the hall."  
"I know Liv, thanks!"  
"Night Mags,"  
"Night hon."

Penelope let out a huge sigh to find Derek asleep clutching her pillow close to him as though it was her that he was hugging. It would have been cute if she wasn't mad at him. She stepped into her bathroom to change into her PJ's knowing that the chances of being in them for more than a few hours was going to be slim as there was a brunch planned for later on that morning. She slipped into the covers carefully, not wanting to wake him, she closed her eyes beyond tired. Derek stirred and realised that she had come in. Penelope's back was to him and she was laying right on the edge of the bed. He shuffled towards her draping his arm around her middle, when she stiffened at his touch he knew that she was awake.

"I'm sorry'" he murmured in her ears as he held her close against him,  
"For what? Making decisions for the both of us or actually thinking that I would not see right through you." she answered evenly  
"Both." Derek said burying his face into her shoulder while Penelope remained unresponsive.  
"You know?" he guessed unnecessarily. He should have known it would get to her eventually. Penelope shrugged her shoulders. Though it was never confirmed officially there had been talk of his taking over a Unit in New York, and if they needed to move, she would have to keep their family together.  
"I know that you would have moved anywhere in a heartbeat P, I didn't want to make you make that choice. You've already given up so much to come back to Virginia. I didn't want to uproot you again when you've settled down, we're building a house, most of our friends are here."  
"Derek, I didn't give up anything. I moved back because I wanted to. I wanted to be here because you, James, Fran and our friends are here. It wasn't a sacrifice. If I didn't want to come back, well that would be another story. But I wanted to come back. I didn't give anything up to be here." Penelope said finally turning around to face him wanting him to see what in her heart she knew to be true. Derek nodded,  
"You not telling me made me hurt because you weren't giving us the opportunity to talk it over and weigh it out together. I don't want you protecting me from these decisions, if we're going to be married Derek, we're supposed to be partners. I'm not some helpless female who can't make a decision. You've never seen me as one so don't start now. I want to know that when we get married that I'm still you're best friend, that you will still come to me to bounce off, a ring on our finger shouldn't change that, if it does, it should only be to bring us closer together."  
"I'm sorry P. It wasn't that I didn't want to confide in you, or bounce off with you. I just didn't want you to think you had to pack up and move again just because of a job opportunity for me."  
"That's stupid! If the shoe was on the other foot…"  
"I get it P. I do and I'm sorry."  
"Fine, fight over." She said relenting with a tired sigh. She moved to turn when he gently pulled her back to face him, caressing her face with his fingers looking straight into her eyes,  
"I love you P. You're my best friend in the whole world, you have been since the moment we met, and I am sure till the day I die. As my best friend, you know sometimes I can't get around my own head, so I'm asking you to be patient with me. You are the most important person in my life, along with James, my mother and my sisters. I love you with all my heart, and I spend each day looking forward to coming home to you and just talking about my day. You make me want to share every part of my life with you, but old habits die hard P. Sometimes I will automatically process in my head first, and weigh it out not wanting to burden anyone else with it, but it's not for the lack of trust in you, or not wanting to, the instinct to want to protect you, from anything that may harm you, or even just inconvenience you runs deep, and it comes from a place of love, which I know I need to stop, because we are partners, and I'm sorry P if I made you feel like we aren't."  
"Thank you. I love you Derek Morgan, more than words can ever fully explain. We have the rest of our lives to figure out how this all works. I just want you to promise that we will always talk."  
"I promise P."  
"Good," Penelope mumbled as she snuggled closer to him as his arms pulled tighter around her, and within a few minutes Derek could feel her breathing deeply in slumber. He kissed her forehead and hugged her tighter.


	42. Counting Down

The festivities for the Morgan/Garcia nuptial came into full swing a week before the wedding. The girls with the exception of Olivia who was stuck on a case with the rest of the team arrived in California the weekend before and have been busy with last minute arrangements. Penelope was surprisingly calm through it all, which amused Stella and the rest of the girls to no end, while Derek was a little sceptical.

"I'm fine honey, I swear. I know you guys will be done in time for the wedding." Penelope said confidently as she tied a ribbon on the bonbonniere in front of her, she was on to the last few and feeling quite accomplished.  
"I do love your faith Baby Girl."  
"Oh please, like Hotch would ever let some serial killer stop me from getting married."  
"I love that your faith rests in Hotch alone." Derek said in a mock hurt tone of voice.  
"Baby, it goes without saying that I believe you will catch this monster because you cannot live another day without being married to me." She replied lovingly with a grin.  
"And you know what honey, if you guys do get stuck there. It's not a big deal. I told you, I don't care where we get married, when we get married. In my heart, we already are."  
"Now she says that after making me pick out the monkey suit." He retorted laughing.  
"What can I say, handsome men in monkey suits are a vice."  
"Is that right?"  
"I miss you Dirk." Penelope said softly as she rose from her chair and headed out to the balcony, closing the door behind her. It had been a couple of weeks since the team had left for a case, and though they spoke every day throughout the day, it wasn't the same. Hotch had offered to give him time off before the wedding, but Penelope insisted that everything was under control and that she would prefer he save his leave for the honeymoon. She knew that being surrounded with last minute details would do his head in. Though he'd want to help, she didn't want to inflict unnecessary torture on him. As it was she was impressed with his commitment and involvement to the details of their wedding. He made it clear that it was their wedding, and he wanted to be a part of every stage of its preparation. It only made Penelope love him more if that were even possible.  
"I miss you too Baby Girl. So much." He said with a longing sigh.  
"So you and me, less than a week huh?" Penelope said breaking both their trance.  
"I can't wait!" Derek said excitedly  
"Me too."

Penelope bid him goodbye a few minutes later and stayed leaning against the balcony watching the afternoon sun begin to set. The house that they had managed to rent was huge, and had enough room for their immediate family and then some. It was situated in the midst of trees, mountains, and absolute peace that Penelope absolutely loved it.

"You okay Mags?"  
"Yeah I'm good thanks Kenz." She replied turning to give him a smile as he approached her.  
"I'm getting married in less than a week. How crazy is that?"  
"And yet you're so calm."  
"What's to freak out about? If they do get stuck on that stupid case, it doesn't mean we're not going to get married. As I said to Derek, I feel we're already married and the rest is just formality. As long as everyone we love is there, and everyone has a good time, I don't care if I spill wine on my dress, or that the cake isn't what I envisioned it to be. In saying that, keep me away from red wine till after the ceremony." Mac chuckled draping an arm around her shoulder  
"I sure wish Stella will be this calm on our wedding day." Penelope froze and looked up at him as he grinned,  
"When, oh my gosh!" she exclaimed, suddenly at a loss for words throwing her arms around him excitedly  
"I asked her last night when we were walking by the pond, it just seemed right."  
"That's not at all romantic." She said sarcastically giving him another hug.  
"Where is that girl?"  
"She and James are on a treasure hunt. She wanted me to tell you, I think a part of her was scared of what your reaction might be."  
"Why?" she asked as Mac shrugged.  
"Why would I be anything less than ecstatic? Mac, I loved Sarah and she was my best friend, but I love Stella too, and she's one of my best friends. More than that, you're my brother in the truest essence of the word, and all I want is for you to be happy and she makes you happy. And Kenz, my opinion should not weigh that much when it comes to your happiness. It's your life."  
"But it does Mags. You're my little sister, and it matters to me what you think because I trust you. I know that ultimately you only want what's best for me."  
"And that is Stella. You had nothing to worry about Kenz, and neither did she."  
"Mags, you and I might not get a chance to have this talk closer to the day, but wherever I am, whoever we marry, I am still here. You're my family. You have priority in my life."  
"Right back at you Kenz. I love you."  
"I love you too Kiddo." He replied pulling into his arms for a bear hug.

"You and I are going to have a talk young lady." Penelope greeted as Stella and James came up the porch steps. Stella gave her a sheepish smile and a nod. She knew that Mac was going to talk to Penelope the first chance he got, and that by taking James out on a treasure hunt gave him that very opening he needed. James ran over to Penelope who was standing by the door and flung his arms around her waist.  
"Did you have fun Kiddo?"  
"I did. Aunt Stell and I found all these really cool things."  
"Which you're going to put in that bucket I took out for you and leave out here till we clean it okay?"  
"Aww Mom!"  
"James Zachary Morgan, you know your Grandmother is not going to let you drag muddy stones and grubby leaves into the house, regardless how much she loves you." James giggled  
"But it sure would be fun to try." He answered with that famous Morgan grin.  
"I heard that young man." Fran said coming out of the kitchen.  
"Aww Gammie," he said obediently putting said objects in the bucket before running up to his grandmother to give her a hug.  
"Nice try Monkey. They stay outside till you clean them okay." Fran said returning her grandson's son affectionate squeeze.  
"Okay Gammie. I promise."

Penelope chuckled and motioned to Fran that she and Stella were headed out for a walk. Fran nodded and gave them a wave.

"Why would you think I would be anything but happy for both of you Stell?"  
"I knew you'd be happy for us, I just. I don't know Pen. I'm sorry. I guess I was just nervous." Stella said hesitantly  
"Stell, you're one of my best friend's in the whole world, I so don't know what I would have done without you these last few years, and I love you. I want you to be happy and I know he makes you happy. History aside, that's all that matters."  
"Thanks Pen, and I love you too." Stella replied hugging her friend.

"Hey, where's Mom?" James asked after dinner. Fran had both boys baking cookies with her to keep them entertained.  
"I think she went for a walk honey. Did you need her for anything?" Emily answered coming into the kitchen with JD in her arms.  
"No, just checking. Thanks Aunt Emmy." Emily smiled at how much James Morgan was just like his father, Penelope Garcia was never too far from his radar.  
"Emmy, can I hold Jakey? I've washed my hands." Jack asked hopefully. Little Jack Hotchner was an amazing big brother and was very much a part of his daily life. Nappies, feeding, burping and bathing, he was in. Emily smiled,  
"Sure honey, why don't you sit on the couch and I'll bring him to you." Jack jumped off the stool and headed straight for the couch. Gently Emily placed JD in his big brother's arms, JD who adored Jack with the same amount of gusto happily gurgled at the sight of him. James sat down beside Jack and the three boys were soon entertained by the Veggie Tales DVD Emily had slipped in there.

Penelope was sitting by the pond enjoying the peace and the beautiful surroundings. It was complete chaos in the house and she needed a moment to just enjoy what was ahead. She looked heavenward and said a grateful prayer. For the life of her she did not imagine that where she was would be where she would end up. Marrying the man of her dreams, her best friend knowing without a shadow of a doubt how much he loved her and how she loved him just as much in return. She was surrounded by her friends who have long since transitioned as family. She couldn't wait for what else was ahead for them. She had so much to be thankful for and she was.

He watched her from where he stood. He loved how her face was literally lit by the glare of the moon, and if she didn't look so beautiful and he hadn't missed her so much he would scold her for being there on her own, always worried for her safety. His heart warmed at the sight of the sheepish grin that crept over her face as she sat there. The look of absolute contentment and peace showed in her countenance. He was blessed and he was just as grateful that they were where they were and that in a matter of days, she will be his wife. That after everything, they were together! Not being able to contain himself any longer, he walked towards her

"You're a sight for sore eyes Baby Girl." Penelope's head snapped up and there he stood, looking as beautiful as she remembered. Penelope jumped to her feet and within moments his arms were wrapped protectively around her.  
"You're here!" she whispered in obvious delight,  
"As promised! God I've missed you!"  
"Me too! Hey we spoke so many times today and no heads up! You sneak!"  
"I wanted to surprise you."  
"I'm just glad you're finally here." She admitted burrowing her face into his chest, his arms tightening around her.  
"Me too Princess, me too."


	43. Today is our day

Derek watched his new bride sleep peacefully asleep beside him on the bed. It had been an incredible day, for all those involved. He could not have imagined it to be better than what it was. Though if he were honest with himself, everything could have fallen apart around him and he wouldn't have known. All that mattered was that she was there, that she was going to be his wife, and now she was.

"DEREK JAMES MORGAN!!!" Fran bellowed as she caught her son tip toeing out the front door. Derek jumped and turned to face his mother flashing a sheepish grin.  
"What Ma? I'm just going for my normal jog." he explained trying to sound casual  
"And if you think after almost forty years I would believe that face Derek Morgan, you're sorely mistaken."  
"But Ma…"  
"Don't you but Ma me. You know you're not allowed to see Penelope till this afternoon at the church."  
"Whose idea was it to get married in the afternoon anyway?" he grumbled sounding like a petulant child.  
"Come on, come and hang with me in the kitchen while I make breakfast." She placated.  
"Mom, you don't have to do that." Derek protested  
"I want to. It keeps me busy and it takes my mind away from being so excited. One of us has to be calm and your son surely isn't going to be." Derek laughed. James was excited beyond measure. Though he was already calling Penelope Mom, and had been for months, having her officially married to his Dad made it all the more official.

Penelope awoke in the cabin with her girlfriends. They had a mini Bachelorette party for Penelope the night before that consisted of Movies, Chocolate, Popcorn and a lot of reminiscing. Opening her eyes she took in the sight of her friends sprawled around the cabin. By some miracle they had managed to fit Stella, Olivia, Emily and Penelope on the King size bed, arms and legs all over each other while Lindsay was on the couch with JJ.

At one stage she was on the couch with JJ and Lindsay, but moved after a close call of almost falling off. They had originally set up sleeping bags on the floor, but while watching a movie they were all spread out on the bed and couch. She smiled at her best girlfriends, and how much she loved and adored each one of them. She couldn't wait to be married to Derek, and watch how the rest of their lives were going to unfold. She loved the knowledge that everyone in that cabin, and the house on the other side of the property was going to be a part of that journey. She knew she was blessed, and she was grateful.

"Hi Baby." Penelope whispered as she answered the phone that vibrated on her bedside table. Carefully she untangled herself from the sea of arms and legs that restrained her, which was as difficult as one would imagine.  
"Hey Baby Girl, did I wake you?"  
"Nope, I was already awake, but give me a second. I don't want to wake the girls." Penelope managed to get out of mass of arms and legs without a girlfriend stirring.  
"I half expected a tapping on my window this morning with breakfast." She teased.  
"My mother caught me as I was walking out the door, and has been watching me like a hawk since." Derek answered loud enough for Fran to hear who merely chuckled.

"I love that you tried despite your odds, if you managed to get past your household I sorely doubt you'd make it through my fort knox."

"You got that right!" Emily piped in as she walked into the open plan living area of the cabin where Penelope sat along the windowsill.

"I guess that's our cue?" Derek said dryly.

"Sadly so my love, but not long to go."

"I love you P!"

"I love you too Dirk. See you in a few hours."

Penelope hung up from Derek and joined Emily in the kitchen as she got breakfast ready.

"You didn't have to cut your conversation short. He must be missing you like crazy seeing as he wasn't allowed to gate crash last night."

"He's fine. He's excited. We both are."

"Well not long to go."

"I can't wait Em!" Penelope admitted with a grin.

"Now that my friend is a shared sentiment by all." Emily replied with a cheeky grin.

"Hush you!" Penelope said poking Emily on her side.

Together they got breakfast ready, Stella and Olivia joined them a little while later before JJ and Lindsay fell out of the couch to join them for breakfast.

"Oh Pen, you're gorgeous!" Emily sighed tearfully. Penelope bit her lower lip as she looked at her other four girlfriends who were also trying to hold in their tears.  
"Don't you guys start! You know if you cry I'll cry. Stop!"  
"Oh Penelope…" Mama Morgan gasped as she entered the room seeing Penelope for the first time.  
"Not you too." Penelope protested as Fran's eyes began to well with tears not caring if she was smudging her make up  
"You're beautiful. Derek is going to be beside himself."  
"Thank you Mom. You may just be a little biased." Penelope replied hugging Fran.  
"I sure love hearing you call me that." Fran whispered proudly.  
"I sure love calling you that."

"DAD… can I go see Mom now. Please!!!" James begged. He hadn't seen her since the night before and James had kept him with the boys so that he wouldn't get in the way of girls as they got ready for the wedding. Hotch smirked knowing that there was no stopping young Morgan any more.  
"Sure Kid, but don't get in the way okay. If they're busy you come straight back."

"Yes Dad I promise." James answered exasperatedly.  
"You can't talk Morgan," Hotch said before Derek could say anything,  
"Don't I know it. I can't believe we're actually here. She's actually going to marry me."  
"Yeah, you both had us worried there for a bit."  
"I know, I love her Hotch. She's my whole life."  
"I know Morgan. Trust me if Mac or I had any doubts about that, we wouldn't be here today."  
"Yeah, you two are scary." Danny said as he came into the room to hand Morgan a gift box.  
"From your future wife." He answered Derek's confused look.  
"Thanks." Derek said quietly taking the box and heading into the bedroom. Derek sat on the bed and opened the box. Inside the box was a beautiful watch, one that she knew he would love but never buy for himself. As he turned to look at the back of the watch, he smiled at the inscription.

'Our love is timeless'

James Morgan came through the door like a tornado with a mission…to find Penelope. His jaw dropped at the sight of her,

"Mom you're pretty. I mean, you're always pretty, but…"  
"Thanks Kiddo." Penelope said as she hugged him.  
"I missed you last night."  
"I missed you too Baby."  
"Oh Dad, wanted me to give you your present." He said handing her a piece of paper rolled with a ribbon tied around it.  
"What's this?"  
"Open it." He said with a grin, knowing what was inside. Curiously Penelope unravelled the piece of paper. Her friends watched as she broke into a huge grin,  
"Really?" she said looking at James then at Fran, both of whom were nodding vehemently.  
"What is it?" Lindsay asked,  
"This little piece of paper says that, I Penelope Garcia soon to be Morgan, is now the legal guardian of one James Zachary Morgan." The whole room let out a squeal of excitement knowing that Penelope didn't just want to be his mother at heart but also on paper. Derek had been orchestrating her adoption of James with Hotch's help, and they almost didn't pull it off in time. Penelope pulled James into another hug.  
"You happy Mom?"  
"You better believe it kid. Now what do you say I go and marry that Dad of yours. He must be pretty anxious by now."  
"Is he ever? He's been pacing for about an hour. Uncle Aaron had to force him to sit down at one point because he was making us all dizzy with the pacing."  
"Well, let's go then." She said looking back at her bridesmaids and mother in law, all were beaming with happiness and excitement.

Derek stood nervously at the altar, he was anxious and excited. He couldn't wait to see her, to be married, to start the beginning of the rest of their lives. As the music began, he snapped out of his reverie. As the door opened he gasped, she was exquisitely beautiful, more than he could ever imagine. Unbeknown to himself, tears began to run down his cheeks, overwhelmed. Olivia, Stella, JJ and Lindsay were doing an extremely bad job of holding it together. Hotch patted Penelope's arm that was looped through his reassuringly as she shook gently beside him as they walked. Briefly breaking her eye contact with Derek she looked up at Hotch to meet his. She grinned up at him then at Mac who stood out front waiting for her alongside Derek and the rest of the Bridal Party. Mac gave her his rather stoic smile and a thumbs up. Penelope smiled and glanced back at Derek as he mouthed I love you as she approached.

"I love you too Handsome." She whispered as Hotch gently handed her over to him.

The ceremony was beautiful, and there was not a dry eye in the room. From the moment Penelope came down that aisle the whole world seemed to evaporate and all that was left was the two of them. Their friends and family watched in happiness, that what they had all been waiting for had finally come to fruition.


	44. Just another day

Married life turned out to be so much better than Penelope had even envisioned. After they returned from their two weeks in Hawaii, the Morgan Family moved into their new home. Fran was thrilled with her Granny Flat and appreciated that they had made sure that she had her own space without being so far away from the family.

"Mags, are we still on for dinner tonight?"  
"Hey Liv, yeah I'm up for it. Can we aim for about 6:00? James needs to finish a project and I promised to do a once over before he hands it in tomorrow."  
"Sounds good, I would love to grab a shower first. We meeting at the restaurant or do you want me to come and get you?"  
"I am under strict instructions to have you come over to pick me up because a certain little boy wants to see his Aunt Liv. He mentioned that it's been ages since he last saw you, but to this kid anything outside a couple of days is ages."  
"Awww, I feel so loved."  
"That you are. I think I have transitioned to wicked stepmother and you're now his token best friend." Penelope joked,  
"I highly doubt that seeing as he worships the ground you walk on."  
"That is true. So I'll see you here in a couple of hours." Penelope hung up from Liv and dialled Emily's number,

"Hey you, what time's dinner? I think I missed a call from Liv."  
"You just may have. She's coming to get 6ish. You want us to swing by and get you?"  
"No need. Hotch and Derek were wanting to go through some files tonight at yours so I was going to go there with Jakey so the boys could watch the men."  
"That sounds good. What time you coming over?"  
"An hour okay? I just want to give Jake a bath and have him in his jammies so he can just sleep through."  
"That's perfect. I'm going to go through Jay's project now, I'll get him fed and ready for jammies too. Liv should be arriving shortly after that."  
"Great see you then."

It had been months since the Morgan nuptial and though things have changed a little, the none negotiable dinner with the girls remained fortnightly. Though Stella couldn't make it as often, they were still in touch almost on the daily basis. Not being single anymore restricted Penelope's trips to New York, and being a mother certainly changed both hers and Emily's sense of responsibility. Stella had asked Liv to be her Maid of Honour, while Emily and Lindsay were to be her bridesmaids. With one wedding down, another one was being planned. Penelope and Liv were suspecting that Emily would be next. Penelope loved her new life, but she cherished her girls, their friendship and the sisterhood they shared.

As promised Mac and Penelope remained close, they checked in with each other daily, more often than not, more than once a day. He had asked Penelope to stand as his Best Man. After all she remained his best friend. With the wedding preparations in full swing the girls were excited of the prospect of seeing each other more, being able to use the wedding as an excuse.

"Hey Baby we're home." Derek called out as he and Hotch entered their home.  
"We're in the kitchen." Penelope called out as she stirred the pasta sauce simmering on the stove

"You cooked? I thought you were going out with the girls." Derek observed wrapping his arms around her waist kissing her softly.  
"It's just spaghetti. I thought you and Hotch could use some comfort food while to tackle those files, that and it's the little man's favourite."  
"Aww thanks Baby. You didn't have to. How are my girls today?" he asked rubbing her pregnant belly.  
"We're good. Our future soccer player must have been benched today. Not much activity with the exception of a light flutter here and there. Hey Bossman." Penelope greeted. Hotch smiled and walked over to Penelope dropping a kiss on her temple.  
"I just spoke to Em, she should be here shortly."  
"Great. I might jump in the shower real quick. Jay's already eaten, and showered. He's in his room finishing up today's homework. I've already gone through his assignment that's due tomorrow so you don't need to. Are you two okay to serve yourselves?" Derek and Hotch both nodded.  
"Great, garlic bread is in the oven. I'll see you guys in a bit. Feel free to send Em through if she gets bored." They watched as she rushed up the stairs to their room  
"You wouldn't think she was almost six months pregnant with the speed in which she travels would you?" Hotch observed amused  
"You try slowing her down." Derek challenged.  
"You forget, I know your wife well enough to know never to do anything that outrageous."  
""You have learned much Grasshopper."  
"You guys realise that I can hear you right?" Penelope called out from the top of the stairs earning a couple of snickers from the boys.

By the time Liv arrived the boys had spread out in the dining table with their bowls of spaghetti and numerous files on the desk. She gave them both a quick wave before heading on upstairs to see if Penelope was ready. Just as she reached the top of the stairs James had flown out of his room flinging his arms around her waist.

"Aunt Liv! You're here."  
"Of course I am. I wouldn't miss a chance saying hello to my favourite nine year old."  
"I've missed you."  
"I've missed you too Kiddo. How are you doing?" Liv asked affectionately running her hands through his hair.  
"I'm good. Mom and I went to the Science Museum after school today. We finished early because of some Teacher's meeting so Mom and I had an Aunt P special."  
"That's great Kiddo. Your Mom spoils you rotten doesn't she." James grinned knowingly,  
"Yeah she does. They're waiting for you in Mom's room. She said to take you there when you arrive." He said taking her hand leading her towards to Penelope and Derek's room.  
"Mom, Aunt Liv is here." He called out in obvious excitement as they entered.  
"Hey Kid, should I be hurt that you're never that excited to see me?" Emily teased while James merely grinned. He walked over to where Emily stood leaning against one of the arm chairs in the room and wrapped his arms around her waist.  
"You know I love you Aunt Em, you're like my other Mommy. Aunt Liv is my friend though." He tried to explain trying not to hurt her feelings.  
"You definitely are Derek Morgan's child Kiddo, but I love you too." Emily said cupping his chin affectionately before kissing his forehead.  
"You finished your homework honey?" Pen asked,  
"Yup all done. Can I watch a DVD?"  
"Sure baby. Do you want me to set it up now?"  
"No, I can do it."  
"Alright, one movie then bed okay?"  
"Can I watch the movie in here? Jakey can stay in the cot and I can watch him. He's sleeping anyway." Pen looked at Emily who gave her nod of consent.  
"Okay, we'll turn the baby monitor on so if you need anything or Jakey stirs you call out to Uncle Aaron and Daddy okay." Jake nodded as he slipped in Willy Wonka into his parent's DVD player and made himself comfortable on their King Size bed. Emily gave her son another hug before placing him on the cot that Penelope and Derek had temporarily set up in their room till they finished painting the baby's room.  
"Okay we're going. Gramma's home so if you need her she can come right on over. Your Dad and Uncle are just down stairs. If you need me, you can call me okay."  
"Sure Mom. I'll be fine. Have fun." He said standing on the bed holding out his arms to give her a hug.  
"Thank you sweetheart, you'll be asleep when I get home so I'll see you in the morning."  
"You'll still kiss me goodnight before you go to bed?"  
"Of course! What kind of a question is that? Night honey." She said giving him a firm squeeze as he wrapped his arms tightly around her neck,  
"Love you,"  
"Love you too Kiddo." Em and Liv exchanged a glance before following Penelope out.

"Jakey is asleep in the cot upstairs in our room. James is also in our room on our bed watching a movie. Chances are he will fall asleep in there, if he does you can leave him there. The monitor is on so just keep an ear out okay. Check on him every so often."  
"We will." Derek said reassuring all mother's in the room.  
"Okay. We're off. See you in a few hours."  
"Honey, let me know if you want to head home first and I can get the girls to drop me off on the way home."  
"I will do." Aaron replied giving his wife a kiss goodbye.  
"You guys take care." Derek said as he walked them to the door dropping a kiss on each of their cheeks as they walked out.  
"We will," they chorused as they waved.


	45. Overprotective

On the eight month of Penelope's pregnancy she was confined to the house. James was in charge of taking care of her after she insisted that she didn't need for Derek to take time off till after the baby's birth. She found that he was a lot tougher on her than Derek was. James wasn't at all phased by her pouting and whining. Fran watching in amusement as James enforced his tough love on his mother.

"I take it back you're not over protective. That son of ours just surpassed you." Penelope announced when Derek called to check on her  
"I went to the bathroom, which is ten steps away from our bed and he scolded me."  
"Good boy!" Derek said proudly  
"You're so not helping." She complained  
"He's just making sure you're okay. That you're not over exerting yourself, and that little sister of his is safe and sound."  
"Still convinced it's a girl huh?" she noted amused  
"Yep, my little princess is going to be beautiful."  
"I sure hope your enthusiasm remains if it's a little prince."  
"Baby, you know I don't care as long as you're both healthy."  
"Aww thanks baby, I'll just pretend that you don't have a 'Daddy's little Princess' onesie sitting on the bottom of your underwear drawer." Derek cringed with a laugh,  
"Oops busted. Seriously P, you know I don't care as long as SHE or He is healthy."  
"I believe you Honey. So how goes the case?"  
"Good. We're wrapping up as we speak. How's the mother sector of the BAU?" Derek asked.

Emily had returned to the BAU but worked from home, Penelope and Derek's home to be quite accurate. They had set up a bunker and an office in the basement of their home, fully outfitted to cater for Penelope's high clearance. After much negotiation, the Director had offered Penelope to work after her Maternity Leave right from home to ensure that she would not resign. After discussing it with Derek and making it clear to the director that her first priority is to her family, she agreed. As it was she worked mostly from home anyway, now it was just official. Once Penelope's office was done, Emily was due back at work and Hotch knew that she wasn't ready to part with Jakey just yet and negotiated that she also work from Penelope's office. She would be doing Geographical Profile till she was ready to be back on the field. Which worked for her, she still worked in the same team, just not on the field, and their son within arms reach. When Emily had set herself up in the corner of Penelope's office, and a cot near by Fran had offered to start looking after Hannah who was currently being looked after by one of JJ's neighbours. It seemed to make the most sense as the Morgan had the average of three kids per day. When Hayley ran errands, Jack was shipped to the Morgan house of craziness. Jack and James continued to grow closer and when often stayed at each other's home. JJ gratefully accepted Fran's offer feeling better that not only is someone she knows well is looking after her daughter, her best friends were there as back up too.

"Last I saw Em was passed out in the guest room with Jakey. She did come in to tell me that you guys already broke the case."  
"And how did you see that if you were confined to your bed."  
"Honestly Derek, the guest room it twenty feet away. Don't make me hang up on you because I will."  
"I'm just kidding Mama. I know you would never do anything to put our baby girl in danger."  
"Thanks for the vote of confidence my love." She answered dryly.  
"I love you."  
"And so you should. I'm truly lovable."  
"And humble."  
"Completely. Fly safe handsome. I love you too."  
"I'll see you soon Baby." He replied making a kissing sound on the phone before hanging up.  
"Gag me!" JJ teased as she caught the tail end of their conversation.  
"You sassing me?" Derek retorted with a glint in his eye. JJ stepped back and slipped behind Hotch as she grinned in response.  
"Children, don't make separate you on the plane." Hotch warned.  
"Aww DAD!!!!" they whined in unison earning a chuckle from both Hotch and Dave, while Reid and Liv rolled their eyes.


	46. Our Family

Charlotte Isobel Garcia Morgan was born in the midst of a thunderstorm. Fran and Penelope had been at the mall for most of the morning doing the Christmas shopping, it was a few days before Christmas and with the exception of one or two things, they were completely done. Fran had noticed that as they loaded up the car to head home Penelope had grown awfully quiet and just as she was about to ask if she was okay, Penelope winced and groaned.

"Mom, I think I may be in labour."  
"How often are your contractions coming?"  
"Every ten minutes, maybe less." Penelope answered cringing,  
"Sweetheart, why are you only sharing this with the class now?" Fran asked gently in obvious amusement.  
"I wasn't sure what it was and when I did we only had one more thing so I just went with it."  
"You realize your husband will never let us here the end of this."  
"Yes, but mother trumps son,"  
"Not if I end up delivering my grandchild in the parking lot of Virginia Mall. Let's get going." Fran hopped on to SUV and started the car, as she drove she kept an ear out for Penelope's contractions. She hit Derek's number on speed dial and switched him on speaker,  
"Hey Ma, you guys done shopping?" Derek greeted,  
"Yeah honey we're done. You might want to meet us at hospital baby, Penelope's in labour."  
"WHAT? Okay, I'm on my way. Tell her to hang tight I'll be there soon."  
"Tell him not to drive like a mad man, I'm fine."  
"Did you hear your wife?" Fran asked,  
"I did. I'll see you both real soon. Love you."  
"Love you too." Fran and Penelope answered in unison as Fran gave Penelope's hand a quick squeeze.

"HOTCH!! I gotta go. Pen's in labour." Derek said ducking his head into Hotch's office. Hotch sprung to his feet,  
"Go go! We'll be right behind you." Derek nodded and waived and practically flew out of the office leaving Reid, JJ, Olivia, and Dave who had just walked in puzzled.  
"Oh my God, Pen must be in labour." Olivia deduced.  
"That she is. I'm driving, who's coming?" Hotch said as he slipped his jacket on as he hit the speed dial for Emily.  
"I'm coming." They all chimed in as they followed Hotch out the door. They made it to the parking lot in time to see Derek drive off on his bike.  
"Hey honey, just incase Pen hasn't had the chance to call you yet."  
"Yep just got off the phone, loading the kids into the car as we speak. I'll see you soon."  
"Drive safe."  
"I will honey."

"Uncle Mac and Aunt Stella, just thought you'd want to know that your future niece or nephew are on their way." Penelope said in a sing song voice as Mac answered the phone. Penelope laughed as she heard Stella squeal in the background.  
"I'd love to chat but I really can't so I'll talk to you both later." Penelope said cringing as another contraction came,  
"We'll be there before you know it Mags. Love you."  
"Love you too Kenz. See you soon."

A couple of hours later, Lottie was born ready to meet the room full of family she had waiting for her. Penelope's hospital room was filled with flowers, balloons and stuffed animals, everyone had gone a little crazy excited. That evening when everyone had reluctantly gone home, Fran, Derek and James had remained. Penelope had noticed in the midst of all the excitement James had grown awfully quiet and subdued. Penelope handed Lottie to Derek,

"Jay honey, come up here and sit with me awhile." James got up from the chair he was sitting climbed on the bed beside Penelope. Penelope wrapped her arms around him securely, dropping her lips to his temple. Derek reached down to Penelope's bag knowing what she was going to ask for. Penelope smiled at him as he handed it to her.  
"I made you something." She said placing a scrapbook on his lap.  
"What is it?" he asked curiously  
"Open it." Penelope encouraged. James opened the Scrapbook and his eyes widened,  
"Is that me?"  
"It sure is. See how cute you were. No wonder you're overly good looking now."  
"Aww Mom."  
"I had your Mom send me these because I wanted you to have a book filled with photos, not only of when you were little but as you grow up. See these photos were after you came to live with your Dad."  
"That was us at the park,"  
"Yep, and here you are with Gammie, Aunt Des and Aunt Sarah. Here's some with your Uncles and Aunty's."  
"Why did you make this for me?" he asked,  
"Because I love you. I wanted to give you something that means a lot to me. I'm going to make one for Lottie too, and I need you to know that your growth means just as much to me and your Dad as Lottie's. You are my son, and I know you're going to make an awesome big brother. Lottie's going to be looking up to you, she's going to worship the ground you walk on."  
"You think so."  
"Pfft, I know so. Your Mom knows all things remember?" she said poking him in the stomach affectionately as she hugged him tighter.  
"I love you Mom." He said in a whisper as he looked up to meet her gaze.  
"I love you too kid."  
"Dad, can I hold Lottie?"  
"Of course you can buddy. Lottie would love it." Derek answered bringing their daughter over to him and placing him carefully in James' arms.  
"Hey Lottie, I'm your big brother Jay. I'm going to be looking out for you. Me and our cousins Jack and Jakey, we'll protect you."  
"Oh no, second generation Hotchner and Morgan men." Penelope said in mock horror,  
"That young girl may never be allowed out of the house." Fran joked,  
"You got that right." Derek muttered  
"Don't you worry about them Sweetness, Mommy, Gammie, Aunty Em and Aunt Liv have your back." Penelope whispered conspiratorially in her daughters ear giving her forehead a quick kiss while exchanging a wink with Fran.


	47. The pain of realisation

Lottie Morgan stole the hearts of everyone she met, with her piercing blue eyes from her mother, darkened skinned after her father and distinct lighter shade of hair she was stunning. She was an easy baby with an even temperament. She was bubbly and affectionate much like her older brother. James took to his role as big brother almost instantaneously. He became Pen's right hand man, always at her disposal with a nappy, a rag, or his mere loving presence. Pen would often find him in their room lying down on their bed next to his sister as he did his home work. There was a consensus that Jack and James were the best big brothers in the world. They were so serious about their job that it was amusing for the girls to watch. Their every move almost emulates the very core of protectiveness carried out by their fathers.

Olivia, Penelope, and Emily were waiting for at their favourite Café at the mall one Saturday afternoon while the boys took care of the babies. Daddy Day Care was once every three weeks, where the Mommies had the whole day to themselves. If the girls were doing something together, Daddy Day Care was usually segregated to one of their homes to have solidarity and man power. That week it was at the Morgan's, where Mama Morgan was close at hand.

"So have we decided to fly to New York or drive?" Olivia asked as she took a tentative sip of her coffee,  
"I was going to fly because I had to be there early. Depending on when Strauss releases you, you can either fly with me or drive in with the others." Pen answered breaking a piece of her cookie and handing it to her  
"Thanks, I applied for leave so that I can leave with you so I'm just waiting for that to come through. Em you're flying in for the hens or just meeting us up there for the wedding?"  
"I don't know, Jakey is pretty fussy at the moment and I don't want to leave him with Hotch when he's like that. I don't want to bring him either, especially if I am only flying in for the night and returning home the next day."

Penelope and Olivia were flying to New York a ten days before the wedding to help Stella out with the last minute wedding details, as well as be a part of her bridal shower. Penelope was also going to maximise her time in New York by spending some quality time with Mac who she knew would be going through his own processing of emotions. Marrying Stella whom he loved dearly meant finally letting go of whatever remnants remained of Sarah, and deep down Penelope knew what that meant for him.

"How's Derek with you going for that amount of time?" Emily asked knowing that it had been a bone of contention when the subject was brought up initially  
"Better, than what he was in the beginning. I do understand his hesitation, but he's been away for a case longer than the amount of time I will be in New York, hat and the fact that he will be following only a week later."  
"So what do you really think it's about then?" Emily pried,  
"Mac?" Pen answered uncertainly,  
"Which I don't really get. He knows what part Mac plays in my life, and how important both Stella and Mac are to me which is why I want to be there."  
"Could it be that Mac is still your best friend?" Olivia offered cautiously  
"He's not my only one…" Penelope defended  
"But he primarily is. He's the one you run to first and foremost." Emily added  
"He's the closest thing I have had to family for as long as I can remember. He's like my brother."  
"But at the end of the day Pen, he isn't your brother. He's a man you run to when things get tough, you confide in him. That role of your best friend should be Derek's. He should be the one you are meant to be running to. I'm sorry honey, but the moment you said I do, your family became Derek." Emily placed her hand over Pen's giving it a light squeeze.

There was no doubt in their mind that Penelope loved Derek wholeheartedly, and that she loved him completely. At the same time, Mac was the one person that stood by her through every tragedy of her life and she subconsciously kept him as a security blanket. Though she loved Stella and that she couldn't wait for their wedding, there was a part of her who was scared to lose Mac, for who he was in her life, for the stability he represented in her life, and how he grounded her, despite how silly that seemed. In her heart she knew he would always be Kenz.

The girls words played in her head, and silence lay over the table. Their words made her question whether or not she fully trusted that Derek would never hurt her again and the answer made her gasp. Her gaze dropped to the floor,

"I have to go. I'm sorry. I have to go." Penelope jumped to her feet.  
"Pen," Emily said reaching to grab her friend's house who looked panicked,  
"No Em, I need to go. I'll call you guys later. I, I can't do this. Not now." Penelope didn't wait for an answer as she freed herself from Emily's grasp and ran out of there.  
"I didn't mean for it to get that far," Emily said guiltily,  
"It needed to be said Em. Don't beat yourself up over it. I was going to have the same conversation with her when we got to New York you just beat me to it." Olivia assured her friend with a pat on the arm.

Penelope got in her car and drove straight home. When she arrived Derek had heard her car drive into the driveway and curiously went out to greet her.

"Baby Girl, you're home early. What's wrong?" he asked worriedly as she looked up at him with tear stricken face. Without a word Penelope launched herself on to him wrapping her arms tightly around his waist as his own arms enveloped her protectively,  
"Hey Princess, you're scaring me. What's the matter?" he murmured into her neck.  
"I'm sorry." She said into his chest  
"For what Baby?"  
"Do you think your Mom would mind taking over from you? We need to talk."  
"Sure Baby, give me a few minutes." Derek reluctantly released her from his embrace and ran back into the house. A few minutes later he found her sitting on the porch steps lost in her own world.  
"Shall we?" he said holding out his hand to her. Penelope glanced up and with a smile she took his hand. They walked in silence for a bit and it wasn't till they made it to the empty park did she speak,  
"I'm sorry about the whole Mac thing,"  
"Baby, it's okay. I understand your reasons for wanting to go."  
"No, it's not okay because if the shoe was on the other foot, I would probably be throwing the biggest tantrum known to man." She answered earning a small smile from him,  
"I love you,"  
"Baby, I know you do."  
"That there is no one in this world I would rather be with, no one else I can see raising our children with and spending the rest of my life with."  
"That's always good to hear,"  
"Hear what I am trying to say, and let me finish before you react. I need you to hear all of it. Promise me." She begged as she held on to both his hands  
"I promise P."  
"You asked me when were arguing why it was so important to me that I be there for that whole week and a bit before Mac's wedding, and I told you it was to help Stella with last minute details and to spend time with Mac on his last days as a bachelor, and I know you don't understand why, and I know that it bothers you that I have that attachment to Mac, even though you know it doesn't surpass friendship. Mac is the only person left in the world who's known me since before I was the Penelope Garcia you all met. He has seen me through all my tragedies, and when I forget who I am, Mac reminds me. Mac is tied to my past, and he will always be that person who's known me the longest." Penelope paused before continuing,  
"Em made a point today, she said that despite the fact that we were married Mac is still my first point of call. My best friend, the one I expect to rescue me." Penelope saw the look of hurt that passed through his eyes and it almost killed her.  
"I'm sorry Derek. I guess I never fell out of the habit. From the moment I met you, I knew I was head over heels in love with you, because you were this amazing guy that had a huge heart. The more I got to know you, the more I fell for you, but I never made it through your radar. I was always Garcia, the person who knew you best. Who you knew loved you completely and unconditionally. In a way I was still invisible. Out of everyone in our team, you had become my closest friend, eventually my best friend. We worked in perfect clock work, I trusted you without question, then everything happened and I fell apart, and I left. Kenz, in his typical way, along with Stella and Liv glued me back together, reminded me of who I was, fought for that person to come out and stand her ground, and I did. Then you and I were finally on the same page, you swept me off my feet, and I knew without a shadow of doubt that I loved you, more than I even thought possible, and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I guess there's this little part of me that kept a part of myself safe. Like I'd given you 99.9% of me but there's this tiny little part that's just mine, a part that I can call my own, a place to run to, and that has been Mac."  
"So what you're saying P is that you don't fully trust me. That you only trust me with 99.9% of your heart, that despite everything we've been through you will never forgive me for what happened between us. That you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, for me to screw up." Derek asked softly,  
"Derek no! It wasn't conscious."  
"I don't know if that makes it better P." Derek dropped his gaze to the floor unable to look at her,  
"Derek, look at me." She pleaded holding his face with both her hands,  
"I love you, and I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Your input is the most important to me, and I value your opinion so much. You are my partner in everything, and up until today I believed that I was making good on my end, and it wasn't until today that I realised that I wasn't and I wanted to address it because it's important to me that you know that it wasn't intentional and that I'm so sorry." Derek took in her pleading eyes and knew in his heart that every word she spoke hurt her as much as it hurt him. Derek placed a kiss on her forehead and tucked a loose curl behind her ear.  
"I love you. That will never change. You just need to give me a couple of hours to catch up okay?" Penelope nodded  
"Sure. You go on home I'll hang here for a bit." Derek hesitated for a moment but noted that they could both use the time out. He kissed her cheek before making his way back to their house. Penelope watched him walk away from her, though she knew that they would eventually find their way back to each other, they had taken a hit. She had hurt him and she knew it. Everything Emily had said fell into place, and knowing that, and realising that, if Derek is meant to be her best friend, then she needed to tell him everything. Despite how much it would hurt him.

Upon Derek's return Hotch had thrown him a concerned look. Though he didn't see Penelope, he knew that she had come wanting to talk to Derek, and in his absence Emily had called to check if Penelope had come home. She had given him the brief version over the phone but he filled in the blanks.

"You want to talk?" Hotch offered  
"She doesn't trust me. There's a part of her that will never forgive me for what happened."  
"You know that's not true. Penelope trusts you with her life."  
"With her life yes, not so much her heart"  
"Derek if you really believe that's true you know she would not have married you. She loves you. Did you ever think for a moment that she loved you so damn much that she pushed this out of her subconscious knowing that it would only hurt you, and instead of hurting you she'd rather forget. Self preservation is a human instinct and you've been hurt as often as Penelope there will always be a part of you that you try and protect. She didn't do it out of malice Derek. She didn't do it because she didn't trust you. She did it because loving you as much as she does, scares her and she barely survived the last time and you can't be mad at her that instinctively she is trying to protect as small part of herself. Mac is the one person in the world who has never let her down, who's known her from a very young age, the closest thing to family she has. Mac was there to pick up the pieces when her parents died. He found her when she was so lost and he fought for her when she was too weak to fight for herself. You can't blame her for wanting to hold on to him. The thing is Derek, now that she realises what Mac's role has been in her life, you know she would walk away from him to give you that spot. Can you honestly tell me that you can say that she doesn't trust you, when we both know that without you asking, she would give up the one thing that has given stability and unconditional love for half of her life? You and I take for granted that we have siblings and parents. Penelope hasn't had that since her parents died, instead she got Mac. Whatever dependency she has on him, you can't begrudge it. He's the reason why she's able to love you so unconditionally. If he didn't put her back together, she would not be the person you love." Hotch's words sank right through to his heart. He knew them to be true. He knew that without question if Penelope thought it would risk their relationship in any way, she would step away from Mac.

By the time the girls had arrived to pick up their spouses Penelope was still not home. Derek had asked Fran to watch the kids while he went to find her. He found her by the pond, she had taken the blanket from her car and she was lying flat on her back with her hands resting on her stomach as she watched the clouds form into different shapes. She was giving Derek the space he needed and if she were honest, the space she needed for herself. She knew that realisation was one thing, but there was the whole what she had to do that still needed to be considered.

"Hey P,"  
"Hey you." She greeted looking up at him. She patted the space beside her as she sat up. Derek obliged sitting close to her  
"You okay?" she asked,  
"I'm not going to say it didn't hurt, because it did, but I know it wasn't intentional and at the end of the day P, I understand it. My ego was just bruised. Not to mention I've never really taken stock of how much I had hurt you, I mean I knew I did, but after everything I guess I made a conscious decision to forget it, and I have to learn that actions have consequences, and there are some things that take time to heal. P, it's only been a couple of years and I know that you've forgiven me, but your heart has every right to process in it's own pace. It's not like you've been throwing it in my face or anything, and by the look of horror on your face as you told me everything, I know that it hit you all at once too."  
"Wanting to spend those last few days with Kenz, I think that's my hearts way of closing our doors so that we could both move on to a different role into each other's life, because that role of the most important already belongs to someone else. Kenz and I will always be family. Kenz holds my past, but you hold my present and future."  
"I get it P,"  
"In saying that, I would understand if you wanted me not to go. I can just fly in with Em for the Hens, come back and then I can drive in with you guys."  
"No P, more than ever I know how important it is to you and for you to go as you planned. To have that time, and I would never ask you to stay, and it wouldn't be right. If you and Mac shared the same DNA, you and I wouldn't even have had to have this discussion. It's not that I don't trust you or that I think there's something unresolved there, it's more I envy the place he holds in your heart. That out of anyone in this world, he's the one who has brought you out of your shell, bring out the best in you, who finds you when you're lost, he's the person I know that's never hurt you."  
"Maybe so, but you're the one I am sharing the rest of my life with. We are going to grow old together, and we through all the pain we endure, we grow stronger, as partners and as individuals. You bring out the best in me simply by loving me the way I know you do. Without a shadow of doubt, I know you love me completely."  
"Good, because I really do P"  
"And I love you Derek Morgan. Beyond measure!" Derek brought his forehead against hers and sighed deeply. Penelope flashed him her famous Garcia/Morgan grin before bringing her lips to his.


	48. The Confessions of Little Jack Hotchner

"Mom!!!" James called out as he came through the door after school  
"In the kitchen honey." She replied from the pantry cupboard. James made a beeline towards the kitchen,  
"How was school?" She asked as she came out holding the container of flour in her hands.  
"Oh hey little Hotchner." Pen greeted as her eyes fell on Jack. James wrapped his arms around Pen's middle as she dropped a kiss on his head, while Jack followed suit.  
"Hey Aunt P."  
"Hey Kiddo, it's always good to see you. You guys have a good day today?" she asked. James and Jack were going to the same school, and had been since kindergarten. At the age of ten they were riding the school bus on their own, and depending on the day ended up either at the Hotchner's or the Morgan's.  
"It was okay." They replied in unenthusiastic unison, sounding like ten year old boys.  
"Lottie and Jakey still asleep?" Jame asked.  
"Yep, they went down about an hour ago so they should be up soon. If you guys get your homework done now I'm sure you'll have enough sun light to play outside a bit."  
"Mom can Jack stay the night?" James asked as he dropped his bag by the door.  
"As long as it's okay with your parents jackers, I don't see why not. Are you at your Mom's or Dad's this weekend honey?"  
"Mom's." Jack replied unenthused. Sensing there was more to it than that, Penelope looked at James who gave her a 'you need to talk to him' look  
"Jay honey, why don't you check on the little kids for me."  
"Sure, I'll go and get changed while I'm there." He replied with a smile. Penelope ruffled his hair playfully as he passed her. Penelope took out a juice box from the fridge and handed it to Jack,  
"What do you say we hang out back for a bit before you start your homework," she suggested leading him out back. Side by side they sat on the porch steps,  
"What's on your mind kiddo."  
"Not much,"  
"You know better than to feed your Aunt P lines that you know she won't believe. Now what's bugging you bud? Why don't you want to go home? This is the third Friday with your Mom that you've blown off by the staying here, which you know I don't mind, I love you and I love having you here, but something tells me there's more to it than that."  
"Friday nights is when Chuck stays over, and when he's there, I just don't think he likes having me there." Jack confided.  
"Honey, have you talked to your Mom about this?" she asked already knowing the answer.  
"No, because she really likes him Aunt P. He's the first one to really stick around. They get along real well, and well he makes her happy."  
"You make her happy buddy."  
"Yeah, but this is different. He makes her happy the way Em makes Daddy happy. I want her to be happy Aunt P, and if that means not being there when he's there, that's okay. I have six whole days with her, one night isn't a big deal."  
"You truly are Aaron Hotchner's son aren't you?" she said pulling him into her arms giving him a hug,  
"Honey, I get what you're trying to do. I love that you have such an amazing sacrificial heart that you're willing to do that for your Mom, but if your Mom ever figures it out she is going to be devastated. You're her whole word and it would break her heart to know that you would eliminate yourself from her life just so she can have someone there. If Chuck is supposed to be the one buddy, you will never be a factor. Talk to her. Maybe Chuck just needs to get used to you, and get to know you. How will he know what a fantastic kid you are if you keep disappearing when he's there?"  
"I guess,"  
"Just give him a chance. If it still doesn't change, talk to your Mom. Otherwise, if you want I can talk to her." Jack hesitated before giving her a nod,  
"Honey, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask,"  
"He hasn't hurt you or anything has he?" she asked worriedly,  
"No Aunt P,"  
"Do you promise?"  
"Of course."  
"And you will tell me if he does?"  
"I will."  
"I'll hold you to that. I love you Kiddo, we all do and we would never let anything happen to you, to be able to do that, you need to promise me that you will tell me, or any of us okay?"  
"I promise Aunt P. I didn't mean to worry you. Chuck isn't violent. I just don't think he's really used to having kids around. I mean he's not like Uncle Derek who horses around with us, or even Uncle Spence who's uncomfortable but cares about us regardless. You know?"  
"I do kiddo. You're still welcome to stay tonight if you'd like."  
"Can I stay tomorrow night instead?"  
"You can stay whenever you want. Isn't that why you have your own bed and cupboard in this house?" Jack grinned,  
"Thank you Aunt P."  
"Any time kiddo. You know you can always talk to me."

Penelope prepared dinner as the boys played catch outside. She kept an eye out on them as she pottered around the kitchen. Jakey and Lottie were still asleep and she was going to wake them soon to ensure that they would still be able to sleep that night. Penelope picked up the phone and dialled Hayley's number,

"Hey Honey, how are you?" Penelope greeted cheerfully,  
"Hey Pen, I'm great. Just getting dinner ready and then I was going to swing by and get Jack, is that okay?"  
"Of course, take your time." She assured Hayley.  
"I thought you were about to tell me that my son has asked to stay over again."  
"Ahh, you noticed that too huh?"  
"Well, those Hotchner men aren't as mysterious as they think they are." Hayley replied dryly  
"Is it Chuck? Does he hate him?"  
"No sweetheart, he just doesn't know him. I think he gets the impression that he may be intruding on your time together." Penelope tried to explain as diplomatically as possible.  
"But he's not. Chuck doesn't have kids, and he grew up as an only child, so he has no concept of children. He's just really awkward, but it's not because he doesn't like Jack. Does Jack think he doesn't like him?" Penelope remained silent not wanting to betray Jack's confidence but Hayley read between the lines.  
"He loves you Hay, he wants you to be happy. He also needs to know that he has a place with you and Chuck if Chuck is going to be the one." Penelope said gently,  
"Pen, you know it's not a choice. Jack always comes first."  
"Hay, honey I know that. I know how much you love him, but you're entitled to your own life and he doesn't begrudge that. He knows you love him, but maybe talk to Chuck. He's probably not conscious of the signals he's sending out, or that his inexperience and uncomfortableness is projecting those vibes."  
"I will. Thanks Pen," Hayley said grateful that her son felt comfortable enough to talk to Penelope about it,  
"Sure, what are extended families for? Coffee next week? I'll have Lottie and Jakey with me so it'll have to be coffee here, but it'll be good to catch up. I want to hear all about the latest going ons with you. It's been about a month since we last caught up properly."  
"I know. I would love it. I'll bring my diary over with me when I pick up Jack and we can schedule it then."  
"It's a plan. See you soon honey."


	49. Shaking you up

Penelope quietly watched as he stared into the picture on his desk, his back to the door of his office. To say that it had been a bad case would have been an understatement, she had sensed it was bad from the moment go as she heard his voice that first night they had left for the case. Every time she spoke with him, she heard him become more and more despondent. Liv had warned her throughout the case that it was a bad one and why, and when he didn't come home she knew she needed to find him.

"Baby, look at me." She said as she crouched down in front of him trying to capture his attention. Derek looked up in surprise not having heard her approach. Wordlessly he desperately pulled her into his arms. Penelope tightened her grip around him as he held her in a bone crushing embrace.  
"I'm here baby, I'm okay. I love you." She whispered soothingly in his air as she rubbed his back with her hands. Derek buried his face against her hair, resting his chin on her shoulder.  
"I, I love you P." he replied in despair.  
"I need you to calm down honey, your heart's racing a million miles a minute." Penelope brought one hand to his chest while keeping her head resting against his shoulder blade. She held her right hand over his heart, while the other pulled at his neck to bring his forehead against hers  
"I'm right here. I'm okay." She promised bringing her lips to his. As he kissed her back she could feel his whole body begin to unclench. After a few moments they broke their kiss, Penelope could feel that his heart was beginning to beat at a more normal rate.  
"I just, P it was too close to home."

The unsub of their latest case targeted mixed families. African American father, their blonde headed wives and their children. The Unsub would wait till the father's would go away on business trips and he would then target his family while he was away. It was enough to send Derek over the edge. There was a point when he almost threw it all in and head home, wrap his arms around his family and never let them go. Frightened to lose them. He was driven throughout the whole case determined more than ever before to catch the bad guy, and when they did Hotch was right beside him, ready to pull him away should it get out of hand.

"What he did to them P, what he did to her. I just, I wouldn't…."  
"Hey Baby, it's okay. I'm okay. You caught the bad guy, he won't be able to hurt anyone again."  
"What if?"  
"No what if's Handsome. I'm okay, the kids are okay, we're all okay. You can't let this eat you up, otherwise he wins." Penelope led him back to his chair while he pulled her securely to his lap. She cradled his head close to her whispering words of comfort and love in his ear.  
"I don't know how I could go on without you P."  
"Hey, none of that talk. We have more children to have, birthdays to celebrate, graduations to attend, weddings to hold, grandchildren to look forward to. Honey, we've had worse cases that these, why has this one rattled you as much as it has?"  
"The last victim, P she could have passed as your twin. I saw her and all I could see was you." He confessed painfully,  
"But I'm here Derek. I'm right here." She promised. Derek only tightened his arms around her.

After a little while Penelope had convinced Derek to come home with her, which wasn't a hard sell as he missed his children. He seemed in better spirits as they drove home from the office. As Penelope drove her right hand lay permanently on his knee. When they arrived, they saw familiar vehicles parked out front, though she wasn't at all surprised she looked at Derek,

"They were just as shook up as I was. They just hid it better." He explained. Olivia flew out of the house first to greet them,  
"Hey honey, I'm okay" Penelope assured her friend as felt the impact of Liv's embrace. It seemed the case had shaken them all up. JJ had tears in her eyes as she waited for her turn to hug Penelope. Hotch, Dave and Reid went from stoic, relieved to content to see that she was indeed okay.

Dinner was on the table by the time they made it inside. Hotch and Emily had picked up Chinese and Pizza on the way to the Morgan household. It was a quiet but comforting dinner. They all needed to see that Penelope and the kids were okay. James sensing his Aunt Liv's worry stuck close to her all evening, always within hugging reach.

"Was it that bad?" Penelope asked Em as they began to load the dishwasher. Emily still worked victomology and geographical profiling from the bunker in the Morgan household. She knew that Emily was extra careful with the files she was working on, and made sure that Penelope didn't see them, but thought nothing of it.  
"Yeah it was. It was so violent, and a little too close to home for any of our liking."  
"But you were pretty calm about it," Pen observed noting that there was no change in her behaviour.  
"Because I was here every day. I saw you every day, I knew you were okay, these guys didn't have that luxury and being so far away didn't fair very well." Penelope nodded.  
"Did they order security detail on me and the kids?" she asked as she thought back,  
"Yeah, it was the only way we could convince Derek not to fly home, and let me tell you that was no picnic convincing him of that."  
"It would have been nice to have been on the know Em."  
"Sweetheart, I wanted to tell you but we didn't want to frighten you."  
"I understand why you guys would not tell me, but it would have still been nice to know."  
"I know, I'm sorry."  
"It's okay. We're all okay, that's all that matters."  
"How's Derek?" Em asked,  
"I suspect that nightmares will plague him for awhile, I've never seen him like this before Em. When I walked into his office, it scared me to see him like that."  
"He's so scared to lose you Pen, frightened that anything could happen to you. There are so many monsters in this world and all he wants to do is protect you from all of them,"  
"But he can't Em."  
"He's determined to die trying Mags."  
"And he insists that he's nobody's hero." Penelope muttered in frustration. Em placed a hand over her friend's arm,  
"It's part of the reason why you love him the way you do. You wouldn't change him for the world,"  
"It doesn't mean I don't want to beat that hero complex out of him regularly."  
"No, and as his wife you have licence to do that."

Penelope found Derek standing outside on their back porch, she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his middle as he held her close.

"You can't protect me from everything Derek. You can't wrap me or the kids in bubble wrap so no harm ever comes our way. You can't control everything. I understand how this would knock the wind out of you, and had the shoe been on the other foot, I would be more than likely worse off than you, but sometimes you frighten me." She admitted. Derek looked down to meet his wife's gaze,  
"You get blinded by wanting to protect me, the kids, and our family that you lose sight of anything else including protecting yourself. Don't you know that losing you would kill me? That if anything happened to you, I would be lost. How can you gamble with your life when it means so much to me? To our kids, to our family. My life isn't worth more than yours." With tears in her eyes she stepped out of his embrace,  
"You're the first to tackle an Unsub, to jump on a bomb clad ambulance, throw yourself in front of a bullet, which is so you but what if one of these days we're not so lucky? I am willing to live with your over protectiveness, however justified or unreasonable it may be because I know you love me and our family that much, but I will no longer stand here and allow you to throw your life around as though it didn't matter. Because it does. It matters to me, and to the people inside that house."  
"How did you?" he asked. He knew then that she had found out that he had gone after the Unsub alone, and that if their team didn't know each other so well and worked in perfect clockwork, it could have ended so badly.  
"Does it matter? Did you really think I would never find out. Gosh Derek, I'm not some hopeless female. I may be blonde but I'm not stupid."  
"You know that I know you're far from stupid Penelope and it's not about that."  
"You need to get over your hero complex Derek Morgan because I will not live the rest of our lives this way. Partners right? Well start acting like it."  
"P…"  
"No Derek, I'm tired of this. This case scared you because it frightened you that you could lose me in such a way, and I am sorry for that, but you regularly put yourself in danger with no regard for me at all."  
"That's not true."  
"Well it is from where I'm standing." She said defiantly.  
"I'm sorry P."  
"Derek, I know you're sorry. The thing is I know the reasons behind what you do, and that flies most of the time. I'm not asking you to be less than who you are, I just need to you stop and perhaps remember that you have a family waiting at home for you." Derek hung his head. He was guilty of everything she had brought before him. He drew her into his arms,  
"I promise P."  
"Okay, fight over." She said tiredly wiping her tears away.  
"You okay P?" he asked concerned seeing the exhaustion on her face all of a sudden.  
"Yeah I'm fine." She assured him releasing herself from his embrace. Just as she began to walk towards the door she felt her knees weaken, Derek who was watching her closely stepped forward and caught her in time as she collapsed,  
"P…" he yelled. Hearing the commotion on the porch, the rest of them rushed out to the porch to see Penelope lifeless in Derek's arms.

_**I know it's mean to end it here, but I am literally about to walk out the door and just wanted to post this… hope you guys enjoy. **__**  
**_


	50. Something's not quite right

To say that they all went on panic mode upon seeing her collapse would have been an understatement.

"P!!!" Derek said worriedly as she lay limp in his arms. Penelope came to a couple of minutes later looking at a sea of worried faces  
"Chill you guys, I'm okay." She uttered trying to sit up,  
"Lay still P,"  
"Derek, I'm fine." Penelope insisted shakily standing to her feet.  
"Show's over. Everyone who's surname isn't Morgan back inside the house," Emily said trying to give Penelope some room,  
"And who are under the age of 25," she added with a smile as James stayed put beside Penelope looking worried.  
"It's okay Em, he can stay. Everyone else, I'll see you in a bit." Penelope sat down on the bench carefully,

"Come here Baby," she said motioning for James to sit beside her. She draped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close dropping her lips to his temple,  
"I'm fine Honey, I promise." James looked at her sceptically,  
"Mom's just had a long day," Penelope explained.  
"Remember what we talked about?" she said trying to prompt his memory, it took a moment before it clicked and he nodded,  
"That's all it is." he beamed as he remembered their conversation.  
"Now what do you say you give your Dad and I a few minutes so I can catch him up?" James sprung to his feet and wrapped his arms around her. Penelope gave him a brief squeeze before releasing him. Derek waited expectantly as she watched James head back into the house before looking back at him,

"I'm pregnant," she said looking up at him. Derek grinned as she nodded in confirmation. Carefully he pulled her into his arms holding her close and tight. Penelope buried her face onto his chest with a sigh,  
"Are you okay? Is everything okay?" he asked worriedly,  
"I'm fine. It's just a harder pregnancy this time around. I get tired a lot easier, I throw up more and there's no such thing as morning sickness. I'm sick all day through. It's been a treat. Poor James has been tending to me and my every whim. Even more so after he found out. He's been in charge of Lottie. They're so cute. She just follows him around and worships the ground he walks on."  
"How pregnant?"  
"Almost four months?" she answered,  
"When did you find out?"  
"A couple of weeks ago, just before you guys left I suspected it so while you were away I went to see Dr. Stanley and he ran the necessary blood tests and confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. It wasn't something I wanted to tell you over the phone. You were stressed out enough as it is, and"  
"Hey, I get it." He said reassuringly. Penelope nodded and sat back down.  
"Thought it was fight over P?" Derek said quietly noting how reserved she was  
"It is honey, I'm just tired and wrapping my head around all this. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic, Lottie is almost three and it's a great age for her to have a little playmate and Jay's amazing, he's so excited for the latest addition to the clan,"  
"But…"  
"I'm just processing hon, really. Let's go inside and let the others know. They'll be worried." Penelope said rising to her feet, while Derek followed close behind.

"So, as I'm sure most of you have already guessed, I'm pregnant." Penelope announced with a convincing grin on her face. A loud eruption of hoorays rang through the house. A sea of arms enveloped her happily. She caught Emily's eye who threw her a worried glance, knowing that something was not quite right with her friend. Penelope tried to smile her way out of it hoping that her friend wouldn't buy it.


	51. Time for some Home Truths

It had been another long and hard gruelling case, and it had been weeks since he had seen his wife and kids. The separation was beginning to take its toll on them. Something was up with Penelope, as hard as she tried to hide it from him, he could feel it in his gut. Before he could corner her about it they were called to another case. She had been distant when they spoke on the phone, and when he called at home, she would put Jay on and seemingly busying herself to miss his call. He knew he screwed up on that last case, that he could have gotten himself killed and that frightened her to a point that she began to withdraw from him.

"Derek are you okay?" JJ asked as she caught him lost in his thoughts. They were finally on their way home from their case, three weeks since they had left.  
"Yeah, just looking forward to seeing my wife and kids." JJ smiled,  
"I'm sure they're excited too. Did you call to let them know you were on your way home?"  
"I tried but Jay said Pen wasn't home, so I thought I would just surprise them."  
"Pen working today? I thought she had a few days off?" Derek looked up at her in surprise not knowing that,  
"She sick?" he asked worriedly. The look on his face alarmed JJ knowing how very little Derek knew about what was going on with Penelope.  
"She's fine Derek," she said trying to appease him, but knew it was beyond that as he stood to his feet and flicked open his phone. Thinking on her feet JJ quickly typed a text message to Penelope.

Penelope saw her husband's name flash on her cell phone, and ignored it allowing it to go straight to voicemail. A few seconds later, a text message from JJ came through,

"He knows something's up Pen. Why haven't you talked to him?"

Groaning Penelope knew she was in trouble. She had been avoiding his inquisition for weeks now, and she knew she was merely buying time knowing it was a conversation they needed to have. She picked up her voicemail and heard the worry in Derek's voice,

"Alright P, I'm beyond worried now. If you're still pissed at me I get that, but you promised to never stop talking to me, you promised. I just want to know that you're okay?"

Tears began to well in her eyes as she heard his pleading on her voicemail. She knew she wasn't being fair, at the same time. She just couldn't bring herself to have that conversation with him, with any of them.

"I'm fine. We do need to talk when you get back."

Derek's phone beeped with a message from his wife. He looked at his watch and counted the hours till they landed.

"Be home soon. You and I are going on a date, and you're going to start talking Baby Girl. This has gone on for far too long. I love you." He replied.

"I know Handsome. We'll talk when you get back. PG promise."

Derek talked to Hotch on the plane about taking a couple of weeks off to spend time with his family. Knowing that something was brewing within the Morgan household he granted leave without a second thought. Knowing if they truly needed him, he'd make himself readily available.

Derek called home and Fran had confirmed that Penelope was still at work, so he decided to head straight there. He found her in her office, amongst her hard drives, monitors, with her Chick Rock music blaring in the background. He stood leaning against her doorway watching her as she worked,

"You'd think after all the time we've spent apart you'd want to be doing more than staring handsome." Penelope said without turning her head. Derek grinned and within a couple of steps he had pulled her into his arms,  
"I'm sorry." She whispered tearfully against his shoulder as she breathed him in,  
"Talk to me P."  
"I just got scared."  
"What happened Baby Girl?"  
"When I went in for an Ultrasound after the Doctor confirmed that I was pregnant they found a mass. I didn't want to worry you, you were so far away and that case just are you up, I didn't want to add to it." Derek's heart stopped,  
"Where's the mass P, what is it?"

"On my Pancreas, my back has been hurting and I thought it was due to the pregnancy and it partly was."  
"So what do we do?"  
"I needed to get a biopsy to see if it was benign or malignant."  
"Penelope Morgan, why didn't you tell me? I would have been here. I wanted to be there. Why would you go through this alone?" he admonished,  
"I was scared Derek, and I didn't want to worry you either. I thought if I kept it to myself, then it wasn't real. I'm sorry."  
"Have you gotten the results?"  
"Yes, the it's non cancerous, but they're keeping an eye on it. They want to take it out as soon as possible, so after the baby."  
"Are you at any risk?"  
"No,"  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, I promise." Derek pulled his wife to his chest holding her so tightly she could barely breathe.  
"I hate that you kept this from me. I hate that you could have been sick and I wasn't there. Don't you trust me?"  
"Of course I trust you. I just didn't want to add to what's already a full plate. Your face when you got back from that case, I just couldn't speak the words to even begin to tell you that I may have been sick. Then another case came through, and it's equally gruelling, where did you want me to slip this in Derek? Over the phone? We've hardly had any time together. When you're home, we're trying to do family things together. You're exhausted, I'm exhausted. You don't talk to me anymore." She said in a whisper dropping her gaze and stepping out of his embrace.  
"Best friends first remember? I haven't felt like your best friend in a really long time. It's like..."  
"Like what P?"  
"It doesn't matter." she replied sadly  
"P..." he pleaded  
"Like you've never forgiven me for the whole Mac thing. The moment I said what I said you dethroned me from being your best friend because you think Mac will always be mine. You shut down on me and we stopped being friends. I was just your wife, the mother of your kids."  
"P..." he said again in anguish knowing she was right. Subconsciously he punished for her admission that Mac was her safe place because he had been the one person that had stood by her through the years, the one person that always put her first and never let her down. After the wedding Penelope and Mac had begun to enforce boundaries between them and it tore Penelope to the core but she owed it to her marriage to Derek. They were now limited to random phone calls and emails. She had hoped it would help but in the end it only meant she lost the one person she trusted most in the world because she walked away from him. Though he was still readily available and vice versa, there was a distinct difference in their countenance with each other. Despite the boundaries they both knew they would always be there for each other.  
"I'm sorry Baby Girl."  
"I know." She replied softly as she turned away from him. Derek reached out for her but missed.  
"You're right, I have distanced myself. Deep down I always knew it was unfair. That though you offered to distance yourself from Mac, it wasn't fair of me to let you. He's your family and if you shared the same DNA it wouldn't be an issue. I had no right to feel jealous of the one person who has stood by you from the moment he met you, who has done nothing but protect you. That's who I was in your life,"  
"You still are…" she assured him in frustration,  
"I felt terrible knowing what I had allowed you to consciously walk away from. I didn't want the day to come that you would hate me for that, so unconsciously I distanced myself from you. Instead of taking the opportunity to work on us so we could grow more, I bailed and I am so sorry P."  
"Did we make the right decision Derek?" she asked absently still not looking at him. Her question knocked the wind from under him. He crossed the distance between them and took her face in her hands,  
"Telling you I loved you, and asking you to marry me is the best decision I've ever made in my life. I love my life with you and wouldn't trade a day of it for anything. I love you P, heart and soul I love you."  
"I don't doubt you love me Derek, loving each other was never a question between us. I loved you the moment you called me Gomez. But I can't help but ask, did I force this? By leaving did I force your hand in this? Because if we can't even be honest about the things we should really be honest about, how is that a partnership, how is it a marriage? With the exception of our kids, and the fact that we love each other, what do we have? I don't want to get to a place where we resent each other, I couldn't handle that. It's easy to love someone, but you can love someone and not like them. We're barely friends now, what's it going to be like in a few years?" she asked tearfully. They had been married for a little over a year, and they had battled the whole way.  
"P, it's not meant to be easy."  
"But it wasn't meant to be this hard either Derek."  
"Are you giving up on us P?"  
"I'm not the one that throws themselves in harms way every chance he gets Derek. I'm the runner in this relationship, we've established that, so if I was ready to run, I would have already." She replied hurt as she removed his hands from her face.  
"P…"  
"And seeing as we're being honest now, does Tamara Barnes know that you have a wife?" she asked looking right into his eyes.  
"I was helping her, her brother was murdered." Even to his own ears it sounded pathetic and the look in his wife's eyes made his sentence leave a bitter taste in his mouth,  
"So you're telling me when you guys finally broke that case, you weren't the one who drove to her house to tell her you guys got the bad guys?" His silence confirmed what he knew, she already knew.  
"That the cross you have on the top drawer of your office desk, wasn't the one I recognised from William Barnes crime scene photos. That you haven't been meeting her for coffee at work." Derek had the grace to drop his gaze to the floor.  
"I think you forget that you and I work in the same building Derek. I'm not stupid and I am certainly not deaf. I may trust you, I may even know that you would never cheat on me, but the gossip mill at the Bureau doesn't have the same faith in you as I seem to have. I know you love me, I know you love our family, our kids, that we're your world, but I can't help but ask if maybe you're wanting more than that. So you can't really be angry at me for not telling you about what's going on with me, it's true that I didn't want to add to the burden you were already carrying at work, but maybe it's also because I don't want to guilt you into staying if that's not what you want."

_**Okay this so didn't go where I had intended and it sort of wrote itself. It seemed that there were all these unresolved issues that needed to be addressed. Hope you liked it. Will endeavour to post next update soon. Thanks so much for your lovely reviews!**_


	52. scared to let you go

Penelope picked up her bag and coat and left Derek in her office, shocked into silence. She knew that he didn't know what was coming to him, and as bad as she felt, he needed to hear it, all of it. A part of her did question whether or not she had forced his hand in making a decision he clearly wasn't ready for. That by taking herself out of the equation, he had to think fast about what would make her stay. That feeling was like lead in the pit of her stomach. As she drove her hands kept smoothing over her small baby bump. The runner in her just wanted to run, but with kids, and another one on the way, there was no hiding. At moments such as these she wished that she still had Mac to bounce off to, he always knew how to draw her out of the cobwebs in her mind.

Derek was so stunned at her words that his mind didn't immediately register that she had left the office. When he looked up to find her gone he sprung to his feet to follow her. He felt a panic in his heart. That she doubted whether or not he was all in. That what they had built was shaken by choices he had made. He drove home hoping that she would be there, and he sighed with relief as he saw her car parked out front. As he walked through the front door he could hear voices in the kitchen and found that Emily and Liv sitting at their kitchen counter as Penelope began to get dinner ready, he knew that she would have only arrived moments before him.

"Hey Morgan, long time no see." Liv greeted with a smile. They had literally parted over an hour before on the plane when she made the mad dash home.  
"It's good to have you back in one piece Derek." Emily teased giving him a peck on the cheek.  
"It's good to be back."  
"The kids are at your Mom's. Jack and James wanted to bake and your Mom took them there so we could get dinner started here. You should go and see them, they've been really looking forward to seeing you." Penelope informed him without meeting his pleading gaze. She knew that there would be no talking for at least a few hours as everyone, he guessed would be over shortly.

It wasn't unusual for everyone to end up at the Morgan's after the case. In fact it was almost tradition. At that particular moment, Penelope had never been happier to have everyone over as she wasn't quite ready to talk to Derek just yet. It didn't take a profiler to see the tension between husband and wife. Though Penelope had not said anything to any of them, they too had been hearing the rumor mill. Everyone had seen right through the pretense that Penelope tried to project of normalcy. After Derek had walked everyone out to their cars he came back into the house with hope to sitting down with his wife and talking. When she was no longer in the kitchen he had guessed she had gone to bed. As he walked into their room he noticed that she wasn't there, neither were her pyjamas that normally lay on the foot of the bed. He found her on the day bed in Lottie's room, with Lottie sprawled against her chest sleeping peacefully. He eyes were closed, but he knew she wasn't asleep. He crouched down beside her.

"I want this. I want you. I want us. I screwed up P. I'm sorry. You have to know nothing ever happened between Tamara and I. I had the best of intentions and certainly didn't think that it would get to the point that it's at. She needed a friend, and I felt drawn to her, but P, never once did I think or want anything more than what we have." His voice pleaded with her. Penelope turned her head and opened her eyes to look at him. He could see the hurt and the doubt that lay behind her eyes and it broke his heart. She sighed, sitting up carefully not wanting to wake Lottie as she placed her back in her crib. As she stood by the crib watching their daughter sleep, Derek conjured up the courage he needed to approach her. Sliding his arms around her waist he gently pulled her close against his body.  
"I'm sorry P." he whispered in her ear as she remained unresponsive.  
"I'm sure you are Derek, but it doesn't change anything." She replied releasing herself from his embrace and laying back down on the day bed, with her back turned away from him and pulled up the covers to her chin and snuggled into position. Desperately he climbed into the bed, spooning close to her not afraid to let her go.


	53. talking it through

They lay there for awhile not saying a word. It wasn't lost on Derek that his wife had stiffened in his embrace. With his arm securely around her middle, his hand on her stomach, his face buried on the crook of her neck, he wasn't going to let her go. He knew that she wasn't sleeping, despite how hard she was trying, he doubted either of them would be sleeping at all that night. Derek felt her tremble and knew that she was crying. He moved his body closer and pulled her tightly against him.

"I'm sorry Baby Girl. Tell me how I can fix this?" he begged, his heart breaking at the thought of the pain he had put her through, that she doubted him and what they had.  
"I don't think there's anything you can do Derek." She answered, her voice laced with disappointment and anguish  
"Please P, it kills me to see you like this. That you doubt me, you doubt us. It's always been you and only you that I've ever wanted. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out, and I am sorry that I've made you doubt that, but believe me I don't want anyone else but you. I don't want anything else but what we have. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, the good parts and the bad. I'm sorry I pulled away. I'm sorry I made you feel less than my best friend, because P, you are my best friend. I'm sorry about Tamara. I guess a part of me liked that someone needed and depended on me,"  
"And what Derek, you don't think that we, or I need and depend on you?"  
"P you're the most capable person I know." He answered softly.  
"And you think because I'm capable I don't need you? Derek you promised before we got married that we would be partners. Now I know the whole Mac thing threw you off, but I have never put him before you. I have never run to him instead of you. As soon as I became aware that it could possibly hurt us, I took a step back."  
"And I hate that I made you do that." Penelope turned to face him, acutely aware that he had only loosened his grip long enough to allow her to do that.  
"But you didn't. It was my choice and I have no regrets about it, because I did it for us. I love Mac, I miss him, he's like my brother, but he understands, and I know deep down that he will always be there. But it seems you don't have the same faith in me that I have in you. Instead of talking to me, you still hide. You still keep it to yourself like you're protecting me, but all you're doing is re-iterating that you don't want to share that part of your life with me, but being married is about sharing all parts, not just the good parts." Derek brought his forehead to hers.  
"I didn't mean to Baby Girl. I promise you. The instinctive nature of wanting to protect you, let's say have multiplied since we got together, and more so after we got married. I tried so hard to shield you from what I thought was unnecessary and it only drove you away. That was never my intention."  
"If this is going to work Derek, you need to meet me half way, and not because I'm telling you to, but because you want to."  
"I want to P. Give me a chance to make this right."  
"I don't want you to do this because it's the right thing to do Derek. I'm giving you an out now."  
"Penelope, I do not want an out. I want this to work. I promise you that. Please P." Penelope met his gaze and nodded  
"Derek, I can't do this with you again." She confessed as tears fell from her eyes.  
"I can't promise you that I won't ever hurt you again. You know I would never hurt you intentionally, but Baby Girl I am going to prove to you we're partners in this."  
"Okay," she agreed in a whisper as Derek cupped her face with his hands bringing his lips to hers.  
"I love you Baby Girl. Heart and Soul I love you."


	54. epilogue

Derek and Penelope had worked tirelessly on their marriage and communication. Derek had never been as frightened as he was at the thought of losing her, and he vowed never to make the mistake of taking her for granted again and risking what they had. Though it was a daily decision, he learned to share all parts of his life with her and vice versa. In the beginning he could see that she was reserved, and worked even harder at regaining her trust in him. He had also spoken to Tamara Barnes to tell her about his wife, and that continuing their friendship would have been inappropriate. Thankfully, she had been gracious about letting him off the hook.

The birth of their second daughter Emma Olivia Garcia Morgan had brought the Morgan family even closer. Evie, was born a few weeks premature, and right after her birth as a precaution the doctors had removed the mass in her pancreas. Derek had taken a couple of months off to just be at home to be with the kids and make things easier for Penelope. He nursed her back to health after the operation and continued to dote on her as he always had.

With three wonderful children, they were content, happy and incredibly blessed. They were surrounded by a loving family, and had the most amazing friends. Whatever came their way, they knew that they would be able to conquer it, for they had each other. It was a hard first year in their marriage, but once that year had passed, everything else seemed to fall into place and they had never been happier.


End file.
